Everyone Loves A Party
At first glance, any normal person seeing this in their mailbox would be excited that they’d been invited to a party of some sort followed by crushing disappointment when this was not the case. Luckily for everyone here at Emails From Crazy People, David Thorne is not that person.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 11.04am
To: Matthew S
Subject: R.S.V.P.Dear Matthew,
Thankyou for the party invite. At first glance I thought it may be a child’s party what with it being vibrant and having balloons but I realise you probably did your best with what little tools were available. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. What time would you like me there?Regards, David.
From: Matthew S
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 3.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: R.S.V.P.Hi David
Sorry the note was just to let you know that we might be a bit loud that night. The house warming is really just for friends and family but you can drop past for a beer if you like.
Cheers Matthew
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 8 Dec 2008 5.41pm
To: Matthew S
Subject: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.Thanks Matthew,
Including me in your list of friends and family means a lot. You and I don’t tend to have long discussions when we meet in the hallway and I plan to put a stop to that. Next time we bump into each other I intend to have a very long conversation with you and I am sure you are looking forward to that as much as I am. I have told my friend Ross that you are having a party and he is as excited as I am. Do you want us to bring anything or will everything be provided?Regards, David.
From: Matthew S
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.Hi David
As I said, my housewarming is just for friends and family. There is not a lot of room so cant really have to many people come. Sorry about that mate.
Cheers Matthew
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 2.36pm
To: Matthew S
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.Dear Matthew,
I can appreciate that, our apartments are not very large are they? I myself like to go for a jog every night to keep fit but fear leaving the house so I have to jog on the spot taking very small steps with my arms straight down. I understand the problems of space restrictions all too well. If you would like to store some of your furniture at my place during the party you are quite welcome to – if we move your cane furniture into my spare room for the night and scatter cushions on the ground, that would provide a lot more seating and create a cozy atmosphere at the same time. I have a mirror ball that you can borrow. I have told Ross not to invite anyone else due to the space constraints so it will just be us two and my other friend Simon. When I told Simon that Ross and I were going to a party he became quite angry that I had not invited him as well so I really didn’t have any choice as he can become quite violent. Sometimes I am afraid to even be in the same room as him. So just myself Ross and Simon. Simon’s girlfriend has a work function on that night but might come along after that if she can get a lift with friends.Regards, David.
From: Matthew S
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 4.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.Wtf? Nobody can come to the houswarming party it is just for friends and family. I dont even know these people. How do you know I have cane furniture? Are you the guy in apartment 1?
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 9 Dec 2008 6.12pm
To: Matthew S
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.Hi Matthew,
I understand it is an exclusive party and I appreciate you trusting my judgement on who to bring. I just assumed you have cane furniture, doesn’t everybody? Cane is possibly one of the most renewable natural resources we have after plastic, it is not only strong but lightweight and attractive. Every item in my apartment is made of cane, including my television. It looks like the one from Gilligan’s Island but is in colour of course. Do you remember that episode where a robot came to the island? That was the best one in my opinion. I always preferred Mary Anne to Ginger, same with Flintstones – I found Betty much more attractive than Wilma but then I am not really keen on redheads at all. They have freckles all over their body did you know? It’s the ones on their back and shoulders that creep me out the most.Anyway, Ross rang me today all excited about the party and asked me what the theme is, I told him that I don’t think there is a theme and we discussed it and feel that it should be an eighties themed party. I have a white suit and projector and am coming as Nik Kershaw. I have made a looping tape of ‘wouldn’t it be good’ to play as I am sure you will agree that this song rocks and has stood the test of time well. I am in the process of redesigning your invites appropriately and will get a few hundred of them printed off later today. I will have to ask you for the money for this as print cartridges for my Epson are pretty expensive. They stopped making this model a month after I bought it and I have to get the cartridges sent from China. Around $120 should cover it. You can just pop the money in my letter box if I don’t see you before tonight.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew S
Date: Wednesday 10 Dec 2008 11.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.What the fuck are yout alking about? There is no theme for the party it is just a few friends and family. noone else can come IT IS ONLY FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY do you understand? Do not print anything out because I am not paying for something I dont need and didnt ask you to do! look I am sorry but i am heaps busy and that night is not convenient. Are you in Apatrment1?
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 9.15am
To: Matthew S
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.Hello Matthew,
I agree that it is not very convenient and must admit that when I first received your invitation I was perplexed that it was on a Sunday night but who am I to judge. No, I am in apartment 3B. Our bedroom walls are touching so when we are sleeping our heads are only a few feet apart. If I put my ear to the wall I can hear you. I also agree with you that having a particular theme for your party may not be the best choice, it makes more sense to leave it open as a generic fancy dress party, that way everyone can come dressed in whatever they want. Once, I went to a party in a bear outfit which worked out well as it was freezing and I was the only one warm. As it won’t be cold the night of your party, I have decided to come as a Ninja. I think it would be really good if you dressed as a ninja as well and we could perform a martial arts display for the other guests. I have real swords and will bring them. If you need help with your costume let me know, I have made mine by wrapping a black t-shirt around my face with a hooded jacket and cut finger holes in black socks for the gloves. I do not have any black pants so will spray paint my legs on the night.It is a little hard to breathe in the costume so I will need you to keep the window open during the party to provide good air circulation. Actually, I just had a thought, how awesome would it be if I arrived ‘through’ the window like a real ninja. We should definitely do that. I just measured the distance between our balconies and I should be able to jump it. I once leaped across a creek that was over five metres wide and almost made it.
Also, you mentioned in your invitation that if there was anything I needed, to let you know. My car is going in for a service next week and I was wondering, seeing as we are good friends now, if it would be ok to borrow yours on that day. I hate catching the bus as they are full of poor people who don’t own cars.
Regards, David.
From: Matthew S
Date: Thursday 11 Dec 2008 3.02pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: R.S.V.P.WTF? No you cant borrow my car and there is no fucking 3B. I reckon you are that guy from Apartment 1. You are not coming to my house warming and you are not bringing any of your friends. What the fuck is wrong with you??? The only people invited are friends and family I told you that. It is just drinks there is no fucking fancy dress and only people i know are coming! I dont want to be rude but jesus fucking christ man.
From: David Thorne
Date: Sunday 14 Dec 2008 2.04am
To: Matthew S
Subject: PartyHello Matthew,
I have been away since Thursday so have not been able to check my email from home. Flying back late today in time for the party and just wanted to say that we are really looking forward to it. Will probably get there around eleven or twelve, just when it starts to liven up. Simon’s girlfriend Cathy’s work function was cancelled so she can make it afterall which is good news. She will probably have a few friends with her so they will take the mini van. Also, I have arranged a Piñata.Regards, David.
Via: David Thorne
@crazyemails
Hahahahahaha….that was really awesome. I had a nice laugh. Cheers kthx….btw fist
uh… fist what? haha
“Fist” I would assume means this is someone who likes to be fisted.
No, obviously he’s referring to former US Senator Bill Frist, but misspelled the name.
Lol i get what hes getting at, FOUTH!
ok. name change. i was “not as insane.” and now, the real comment.
first of all: spray painted legs? someone bring underwear and a straitjacket.
second of all, why must you ask after being turned down repeatedly?
third, there is no third thing.
Are you just gonna stand there on the shore looking stupid…cuz im pretty sure the boat is leaving without you.
Haha! This is brilliant.
Fucking hilarious
I’m starting to feel sorry for David’s victims…
But…
Once again extremely funny!
Way to screw with someone’s head. This was a chuckle and a half. Keep up the good work.
Throw another party! I’ll be there!
that’s too funny.
That was fucking excellent! I was having a bad morning but it’s all better now. Thank you for that. This website rocks
omg that is fing hillarious second
wait, is this the same David Thorne the one with the 7 legged spider drawing ???
The very same!
Well he’s genius at fucking with peoples’ heads… Subtle enough to be believable, but twisted enough to be really freaky [and funny].
*wipes tears* Omg, that was great. I would love to have David as my neighbor!
Love it how David’s screwing around with Matthew XD
David Thorne is my hero i want to be like him when i grow up.
you need to grow UP to be like Dave?
That was Fookin hilarious, loved it!
HA! This guy is hilarious. xD
Hmm, somehow I can’t shake the feeling that all these letters from David Thorne are somewhat fake…I mean this is like the 4th story from him?!
Wow man wow… did he ever show up? that is so hilarious. >.<
haha, i wonder did he actually turn up at the party, that wuda been class
Yeah, this is a hoax. Either that, or Matthew’s too thick to see that this David guy is messing with him …
It might have started off as a misunderstanding, but he’s definitely messing with him in the end.
Also a really good way to scare your new neighbour off having a party … or to get a restraining order filed against you … whichever
You catch on pretty quick!
OH AHAHA LOLOLOLALOLOALALOLOL!!!!
LOL. Great stuff. Thanks for the lulllzz…..
I cried a little, that was so funny.
I have to say that David Thorne has to be one of my favorite people who have posted on this site. He seems to be able to turn anything to benefit him. I hope he keeps posting this hilarious emails, because they make this site so much funnier.
“I myself like to go for a jog every night to keep fit but fear leaving the house so I have to jog on the spot taking very small steps with my arms straight down.”
LOL
I want to see what happened next! Did you guys ever run into eachother after this? He deserves it…with that invitation tease and all..
Yeah! Why didn’t he just write it out on a plain piece of paper? Using a party invitation to say “I’m having a party! You’re not invited!” is just cruel.
David you f***ing crack me up. Genius…thats all I can say…your a freakin comic genius.
Cant wait for the next one!! Hoping there will be.
Ha ha ha poor guy in apt 1. He is so going to get reamed for no reason of his own. Ha ha our heads are only inches way from each other!!!! Psycho
How is david throne in all of these emails?
How does completely ripping off the content of David Thorne’s website make this “via” David Thorne? This is plain ip theft and you should be ashamed.
As much as I enjoyed posts such as the seven legged spider or “they are very small ducks”, I have to wonder: Am I the only one slowly getting tired of D.T.’s ‘jokes’? It’s like watching Tom Green..or a four year old.. doing the same stuff over and over and hoping he’s still getting attention. The fact that this website is full of his comedy only dulls it more quickly.
lawlerskates. matthew was pretty nice about it at first, but david does a great job as an agitator ha. kudos, mate, kudos.
I would have done the same thing if some jerk has posted that around the floor and not invited anyone else; I would have also had the cops on call just for that evening.
I have a feeling that ‘David Thorne’ is a cover name for protecting privacy.
“Every item in my apartment is made of cane, including my television. It looks like the one from Gilligan’s Island but is in colour of course. Do you remember that episode where a robot came to the island?” delicious fun =D
How would they know each other’s e-mail addresses if they don’t even know each other?
Matthew’s email was on the ‘invitation’. Then Matthew would have his from the email of course.
Epic Win!
This is full of win.
AWESOMEEEEEEEE hahahaha
I want more David Thorne emails right now xD
He has a book full of this stuff. It is THE funniest book I have ever read. The Bill the accountant emails are his best stuff.
http://www.cafepress.com.au/27bslash6.390768719
Dear Matthew: Just to let you know, if people show up at your door in police uniform, it means they probably are police telling you to shut the fuck up.
It’s funny, but it’s obviously made-up, which seems to go against the principle of having genuinely weird emails that just happen to be weird.
Nope, it’s not made up. Check out David Thorne’s site for more.
“How would they know each other’s e-mail addresses if they don’t even know each other?”
Probably the part of the invite that said “email matthews” and then gave Matthew’s e-mail address.
Thagen, the e-mail address is on the not-invite
Yes, yes it is. It is blanked out though, just as the mobile number is. I highly doubt dialing ‘04′ gets people Matthew.
“Also, I have arranged a Piñata.”
Best. Line. Ever.
Oh, that’s a good one :3
I REALLY want to know how THIS turned out XD
“Our bedroom walls are touching so when we are sleeping our heads are only a few feet apart. If I put my ear to the wall I can hear you. ”
LOL
Never laughed so hard at an internet posting. FOR REALL!! SO FUNNY!!!!
I really want to know if he showed up at the party!!
Personally, while I find this hilarious to read.
I know people that would do things like David is doing seriously and not screwing around to play with some guy’s mind.
Even if David is trying to be humorous, it really isn’t funny to keep going on. The first two or three are funny, beyond that JERK. Justifiable Homicide comes to mind for folks like David.
David Thorne is one of the funniest guys on the net. I wish we could get more e-mails from him on a weekly basis.
Oh my, that’s funny…
shot down!!
This is ridiculously funny….the ninja part finally killed me haha
Plenty more David Thorne at his website: http://www.27bslash6.com/
Perfection.
omg i love him. I LOVE HIM.
Aw man…Now I’m sorry I skipped this thread until I was really bored…The smartass guy gets major points in my book for creativity…
pinata… hahaha. he shouldve been much more careful about putting his email out there on a “non invite” flyer!
What the fuck is the point of sending an INVITE if it’s only for friends and family? Asshole.
Melanie: It was NOT an invite. Read it again!! He’s letting people know he’s having a party and that it might get noisy. Does he ever say “you’re invited”? NO. Does he even mention what time the party begins? Again NO. Now I understand why that psycho David Thorne assumed he was invited…
ANA, The point is, with all the festiveness of the paper, it LOOKS like it would be an invite, but it isn’t, when you read the text. So David Thorne decided to mess with the guy, and point out, in his own absurd way, that the message was a really stupid thing to send out to your neighbors on ‘birthday invitation’ paper, and then include his email address and phone, like someone expecting an RSVP.
God, ANA, you’re quite stupid, aren’t you?
omg hilarious
Um, Does no one realize this whole thread is a joke? It’s funny, but not serious!
OMG My stomach is killing me!!! I have tears running down my face.
David Thome, Marry me!!!
xoxoxo
Love,
Jane
i love this david guy, bloody brillant
So creepy even if it is fiction – I swear thats another David I know…
This looks like a crossover with “emails from an asshole” at http://www.dontevenreply.com... o.O
It may just be me but I don’t really like David Thorne as I don’t really appreciate trollers.
On another hand, I’m not sure if he would be counted as a “crazy person”.
To quote a line in Death Note: Another Note:
“Pretending to be abnormal…Well, just the idea of doing that is abnormal enough.”
Asshole, the guy was polite and it was nice of him to warn his neighbors before it. David Thorne just fucks with what little politeness there is the world.
those last two really give it away as a piss take.
scary stuff though, i really hope it was a piss take, cos that was a special kind of crazy and actually quite scary before you get to the end! kinda like the blair witch project really
FAAAAAAAKE
3B.
Their heads are only a few feet apart when they sleep. And he has a television made out of cane.
Woo hoo hoo, isn’t that intimate. I can feel the house warming up already.
Cane is possibly one of the most renewable natural resources we have after plastic
wow i didnt know plastic was renewable!
lol.
I have to say, this one smacks of dontevenreply.com
And I mean that in an awesome way!
I want this guy for a neighbor.
i think he’s being purposefully weird and creepy to make a point about the stupid non invite matthew posted to everyone
I think it’s brilliant. Michael was such a douche sending out invites that weren’t invites that he deserves the crazy!!!
i haven’t laugh that hard in a long time
I don’t get it?
A new guy moves in and he is polite to his neighbors so they won’t be disturbed so David decides to be A jerk and crash his party?