Giving Thanks That Isn’t My Family
Okay. So we’re all going to play a great prank on Marney. Everyone’s going to buy their stuff pre-made from the store, bring it to serve ice cold in bunt cake pans and use ladles instead of serving spoons. It’ll be a scream, what with her great sense of humor and all.
From: Marney
As you all know a fabulous Thanksgiving Dinner does not make itself. I need to ask each of you to help by bringing something to complete the meal. I truly appreciate your offers to assist with the meal preparation.
Now, while I do have quite a sense of humor and joke around all the time, I COULD NOT BE MORE SERIOUS when I am providing you with your Thanksgiving instructions and orders. I am very particular, so please perform your task EXACTLY as I have requested and read your portion very carefully. If I ask you to bring your offering in a container that has a lid, bring your offering in a container WITH A LID, NOT ALUMINUM FOIL! If I ask you to bring a serving spoon for your dish, BRING A SERVING SPOON, NOT A SOUP SPOON! And please do not forget anything.
All food that is to be cooked should already be prepared, bring it hot and ready to serve, warm or room temp. These are your ONLY THREE options. Anything meant to be served cold should, of course, already be cold.
HJB—Dinner wineThe Mike B Family
1. Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. Please do not fill the casserole all the way up to the top, it gets too messy. I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips so don’t feel like you a have to feed an army.
2. Two half gallons of ice cream, one must be VANILLA, I don’t care what the other one is. No store brands please. I did see an ad this morning for Hagan Daz Peppermint Bark Ice Cream, yum!! (no pressure here, though).
3. Toppings for the ice cream.
4. A case of bottled water, NOT gallons, any brand is ok.The Bob B Family
1. Green beans or asparagus (not both) in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon. If you are making the green beans, please prepare FOUR pounds, if you are making asparagus please prepare FIVE pounds. It is up to you how you wish to prepare them, no soupy sauces, no cheese (you know how Mike is), a light sprinkling of toasted nuts, or pancetta, or some EVOO would be a nice way to jazz them up.
2. A case of beer of your choice (I have Coors Light and Corona) or a bottle of clos du bois chardonnay (you will have to let me know which you will bring prior to 11/22).The Lisa B Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’ouvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).The Michelle B Family
1. Stuffing in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please make the stuffing sans meat.
2. 2.5-3 qts. of mashed squash in a casserole with a lid and serving spoon
3. Proscuitto pin wheel – please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.
4. A pie knifeThe June D Family
1. 15 LBS of mashed potatoes in a casserole with a serving spoon. Please do not use the over-size blue serving dish you used last year. Because you are making such a large batch you can do one of two things: put half the mash in a regulation size casserole with lid and put the other half in a plastic container and we can just replenish with that or use two regulation size casserole dishes with lids. Only one serving spoon is needed.
2. A bottle of clos du bois chardonnayThe Amy M Family (why do I even bother she will never read this)
1. A pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use my silver palate recipe) no knife needed.
2. An apple pie in a pie dish, you can use your own recipe, no knife needed.
Looking forward to the 28th!!
Marney
Submitted By: Noor P
@crazyemails
Wow, this looks familiar! Oh, wait, it was posted somewhere else more than a month ago. Can someone PLEASE screen these entries better?
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/07/01/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/
It was posted somewhere ELSE? And because you happen to have read it before, posting it here is disallowed? Please send the appropriate parties an e-mail airing your grievances. Apparently they could use the fresh material.
What Edward said.
Obviously we need a new tag on this site – “comments from crazy people.”
I saw this letter when it was posted on awkwardfamilyphotos also, but I still find it hilarious and actually more fitting on this page. Oh Marney, you so crazy. I think my favorite is that she actually said “(no pressure here, though)” about the ice cream flavor, when everyone knows she’ll throw a shit fit if they bring the “wrong one”.
You’re related to Marney, aren’t you? Admit it!!!
Ed…you do realize that this is supposed to act as a gathering point for all the assorted weird things on the internets don’tcha?
Lord forbid something appears here just because you’ve seen it before…
uhh, ed was using sarcasm to refute the original comment, so I think you misdirected your comments, as valid as they may be
who cares if it was posted years ago?
it’s the 1st time here, and that’s what counts.
I read it the other day in the “vote for submissions” section, thought it was funny then, and still think it’s funny.
I would love to be in this family, just to screw with Marney, by not doing what he/she wanted. and to video his/her reactions………
Didn’t you know we are supposed to read every site on the internet, not just the ones we know of? Man, keep up!
thanksgiving with control freaks. that’s my idea of holiday. Who brings the antacids?
I like how she asks one family to bring a pie knife and another to bring the pies. Even better that she’s not sure if the ones she’s asking to bring the pies may or may not even look at the email.
I know if I got that email, I’d surely tell her I never read it.
Marney asked Amy to bring pies, knowing full-well she wouldn’t, as an excuse for snapping and stabbing her family to death with the knife brought by other (Marney adds, “more competent”) family members.
My sisters in-laws are like this. She was told she only had to bring fudge because even she could handle making it by the “old” family recipe. She made the fudge, but did it like she always does with the recipe on the back of a jar or Marshmallow Cream.
Mom-in-law seethed all night about how the family raved how good my sisters fudge was. When someone asked for the recipe and she said “Just use the one on the back of the jar of Marshmallow Cream” Mom-in-law nearly blew a gasket. Now my sister is told not to bring anything by Mom-in-law and told to bring fudge by everyone else.
Your story is as good as the actual e-mail here!
ROFLMAO @ DEL’S story! LOLOLOL I love it!
I don’t care if this was posted somewhere, I’ve never seen it and this bitch IS crazy!
OMG I would write her back with a quick “We’re bringing ___________ but the way WE want to or we aren’t coming.”
WTF is wrong w/ store brand anyway?
Label Nazi.
LOL. “Regulation size casserole”? What is that?
Clearly Marney hosts all of her holiday dinners according to IPLDF (International Potluck Dinner Federation) rules and regulations, which clearly state that dishes must be served in a 2-quart white casserole dish with a scalloped edge. The dish may not have any ‘cute’ designs on the outside, and should be accompanied by EXACTLY two pot holders. And if you don’t bring the matching glass lid, so help me God, I might just have a heart attack.
AHAHAHA nice.
Don’t forget THE primary tenet for members of the IPLDF is: NO OVERSIZED SERVING DISHES!
OR soup spoons instead of SERVING spoons!
Kate Gosselin? Is that you?
LOL – seriously, people like this stress me out and I avoid them. And if you asked this control freak about this email, she’d totally defend it, even though it’s just a step above bullying. Pfft.
Ha! Now you see…now you see.
JON! What did I tell you about talking to people on the internet, even if we got a divorce?!
Fuck that. “Dear Marmy, Sorry for the last minute cancellation, but we received an invitation from the Denny’s down the street from your house and will be celebrating Thanksgiving dinner there, followed by a movie across town. Love, your son”
BAHAHAHA. “Love your son”
Nice.
I love the statement “Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level.” Like she was just bringing a handful of mints she grabbed from the local IHOP counter before. Did she have to sit at the kid’s table?
I can understand making suggestions for dishes to bring and serving sizes in order to make sure that everyone is fed and that there are no repeats, but seriously, lady, way to suck the fun out of the holidays. If she’s that particular, she can go out, buy a gross of serving spoons, and make every damn thing herself. She even specifies that people need to use HER recipe, like she’s Betty-freakin-Crocker. And for the love of God, don’t bring that damn blue dish again! It doesn’t go with the Pilgrim and Serial Killer theme we’ve got going.
“And for the love of God, don’t bring that damn blue dish again! It doesn’t go with the Pilgrim and Serial Killer theme we’ve got going.”
Oh, I’m laughing so hard because that’s exactly what I was thinking! Why is she specifying not to use that blue dish again this year? Was it just the ugliest thing she’d seen and it can never darken her doorstep again?
Thanksgiving we usually volunteer who is bringing what…but our Christmas tradition is “anything goes.” Just bring whatever and it will be a surprise. If we feast on spaghettio’s, a shrimp platter and banana bread, so be it! Lighten up, Marnie!
We tried something like this and it never worked. Now, we all have to just bring one thing — a grocery store gift card submitted one week prior to the holiday. Anal-retentive gets to cook her way, and we’ve all contributed.
Wow, anal much? I wouldn’t want to go to her Turkey Day dinner.
That’s just funny and clinical on so many levels…but I can’t quite figure out why you assign the turnips to the people it looks like are going to read the email, and the pie to people who aren’t. If you’re going to go all crazy OCD, I say at least prioritize the pie assignment. And I definitely suggest the Gallo jugs of wine for this family, or maybe those 4-bottle-equivalent boxes at Target if you want to go all classy like.
I love the turnips comment… Yes, you get to bring something that everyone hates. It will go to waste, but you still need to bring it.
“Like she was just bringing a handful of mints she grabbed from the local IHOP counter before.”
You know what? She probably was. Hard to believe? Not at all…my brother’s inlaws are cheap ass white trash do-nothings, and when you ask them to bring a dish to a christening, birthday, holiday, etc. show up with only a bag of chips or ice IF THAT. Mostly they show up empty handed and eat you out of house and home.
So yes this woman is over the top, but I’m betting she just snapped after 25 years of hosting dinners for lazy ass relatives who show up with nothing and expect her to do all the work.
I solved that one years ago -
If I have a dinner party and I ask (key phrase there is if I ASK people to) people to contribute things and they don’t several times, they don’t get invited anymore. But to start being bitchy about it, you are then guaranteed a party where people are bitter…
Holy crap, it is family (I assume) people – live with them or wish them well and don’t invite them…
I know, but some people don’t give up, and think they can actually teach these losers something. “Never try to teach a pig to sing – it only frustrates you, and annoys the pig.”
THIS is why we do small Thanksgiving dinners at our own home XD
This is my favourite one yet. And “please stick to the recipe, no need to bring a plate.” might be my new email sig…
I think Marney and my sister need to get together for coffee some day. But then, the overkill of anal-retentiveness might cause a rip in the space-time continuum.
Last Christmas, my sister insisted that everyone show up at 8:00 AM (an leave by noon). We all showed up after 9:00 AM (which was still a stretch for us, since we’re neither five years old, nor excited about family holidays), and left before 11:00 AM. My sister was pissed, but we didn’t care. My other sister told her to shove her schedule up her ass.
And every holiday, it’s the same thing. My sister’s emails are basically the same as written above, but with the added “suggested” time limit.
HAHA! I wouldn’t even show up! “It’s a holiday, so i’m sleeping in.” My family is lucky if I wake before dinner on Christmas.
I’m sorry Michael, at what point in your life did you realize the sun shines out of your ass? If you don’t like the “schedule” your sister set, THEN HOST YOUR OWN PARTY; don’t be a passive-aggressive a’hole. It’s not like you were going to have to contribute to the set-up, running or clean-up of your family’s holiday get-together; you clearly show disdain for your own family to treat them so rudely. I’m so glad your no relation of mine, though if you were, at least you’d be sleeping in on holidays, since you’d have nowhere to go, what with no one bothering to invite you…
For one, Michael =/= me. For two, if I do treat any member of my family rudely, i only do it in return of their rudeness. Three, my family knows I like to sleep in on days off and basically play no significant part in holiday festivities, so waking me up early, hours before my presence could at all be deemed necessary, is a HUGE no-no. Seriously, would you want to poke a sleeping grizzly bear with a stick until he woke up, disgruntled?
> Can someone PLEASE screen these entries better?
Have you considered not everyone reads the same websites as you? I don’t read that site, so this is the first and only time I’ve seen this.
You can’t expect a site to not post something simply because it’s been done on another site somewhere.
Well duh if Marn–I mean, ANONY reads a site, it’s soooo good that everyone must know of and read it. It’s required, just like serving spoons.
I’ll be eating pizza with my hubby in front of the TV, drinking beer of our choice, eating a store bought pumpkin pie rather than attending, Marney. I’m sure we’ll be missing a ton of fun, but hey, our loss, right?
Crazy crazy. I come from an insanely large family – and Thanksgiving/Xmas dinners are massive events. If one of my aunts (or my mom) tried an email like this, her sisters would slap the lips off her face. The grocery store gift card is a good idea
But going flippy about serving spoon vs soup spoon? Time to loosen the bone. This letter SHOCKED me … she doesn’t deserve to host T-day dinner anymore. Leave it to someone who is happy that the guests bring ANYTHING let alone two regulation sized casseroles of mash.
Doesn’t leave much for her to do, does it? Guess she’s just getting everyone else to do that work while she pops a can of pillsbury crescent rolls (not the store brand, please not the store brand!) and then enjoys the fruits of her family’s labors.
Somehow I manage to make thanksgiving dinner for my family every year without feeling the need to tell everyone to bring their own meals. If you don’t want to do it then fob it off on someone else but if you’re going to host the dinner then you should cook the dinner too IMO.
Exactly – if you host, you cook… there is no harm in asking someone to bring something (you just LOVE the way so and so makes green bean casserole, etc), but if they don’t too bad for you… they are YOUR guests…
people amaze me…
:^)
My guess is that she’s cooking the turkey, since the others are bringing everything else…
Turkey, breads, desserts (since, clearly, Amy is not actually being relied upon), non-alcoholic drinks (other than water), plates, glasswear, stemwear, event location (with attending pre-cleaning, set-up and post-cleaning), linens…am I missing anything that Marney will have to do? You’re absolutely right, she’s left herself just about nothing to do. Total cakewalk for her…
This is actually not the first entry on this site I’ve seen that’s been posted elsewhere, and I’m fine with that. Thanks for the laugh!
We gave up on Thanksgiving 2 years ago and now do weekend vacations. So much freakin better. Now if I could only find a way to ditch Christmas.
Convert to Shinto.
I ditched xmas back in 2000. Have not ‘celebrated’ it since. When people ask me why, I just say very clearly and succintly that I’m not christian and I don’t celebrate xmas.
I’ve occasionally had some doofus say “but xmas isn’t a christian holiday!” at which point I usually let a couple of seconds elapse for effect, and then repeat that I’m not christian, and most people would consider it a christian holiday.
Most people don’t get it though. It’s like telling them the sun doesn’t rise for you. Does. Not. Compute.
I tell people I hate Christmas, and I get these evil death looks. I have a family full of nurses, and nurses don’t get holidays off, so it’s always a big deal that so and so missed Christmas again. Then there’s the creepy prayers about people in jail not getting any turkey.
I do the thanksgiving dinner every year. My mother-in-law wants to alternate; one year I do thanksgiving and she does xmas then the next year she does thanksgiving and I do xmas. The problem is we don’t celebrate xmas because we’re witches. I do a big family dinner for yule which is only 3 or 4 days before xmas and I’m not doing two big dinners in one week. They’ve tried asking to come for yule dinner but I’m not having that. We had tofurkey for yule dinner, it’s been a tradition since my husband and I got married. My ILs hate tofurkey with a passion and they’d just moan about it and ruin the day.
Anyway, I do thanksgiving which I really don’t mind doing and then we go to the ILs for dinner on the 25th. It’s no work and only a few hours so not a big deal.
I’m trying to see what could prompt her to end up like this. Maybe she belongs to a family full of complete Morons? Sounds to me like previous years they all brought too-large containers that would never fit into anybody’s regular sized fridge? or maybe brought too little or a ridiculous amount of food (creating a table space/amount for each person issue)?
Sounds to me like she is also aiming for something classier a la Martha Stewartish but people are bringing ghetto Ralph’s brand ice cream, etc. It is Thanksgiving, and it shouldn’t require anyone to have to break open their savings account to buy quality ice cream.
She is coming off like a control freak nut job, but I’ve dealt with incompetent simpletons before and have reached this level of “crazy” in other situations myself so.. I don’t know LOL.
Well…If it’s for “Thanksgiving” maybe they should all give thanks for the ones there they love and having things to eat and just shut the fuck up about the rest….
I have a sister-in-law who does this for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But sometimes it’s color coded so the Jones’ have to bring white food and the other Jones’ bring green foods. It’s lame.
Wow… this reminds me sooo much of my mother that if I didn’t know she had no computer savvy at all I’d think it was her!
i.e., like most people, we had several types of drinking vessels. Glass, plastic, & metal. Now, the glass ones had little patterns on them, some vines or some other old woman crap…
“David, bring me a pepsi. Put it in a ‘glass’ glass with 3 ice cubes and fill it to the line.”
Once, I (half) jokingly told her that she didn’t need to tell me every. single. time. how to do it, and that I know that plastic is not glass, and then proceeded to put 4 ice cubes in, she totally went off! Hilarity ensued , and worth it!
My mom is exactly like that with her cold drinks. 5 ice cubes. I mean seriously, do you even want a drink or just some ice cubes?
“David, bring me a pepsi. Put it in a ‘glass’ glass with 3 ice cubes and fill it to the line.”
OMG, I’d never heard of anything like that til just a few weeks ago when I went back home to visit my parents, and my Mom asked how many ice cubes I wanted in my water. I was all, “huh, what??” And she explained, “Well, your Dad likes 4 and your sister likes 3.” I just stared at her for a second and finally said, “go wild. Surprise me.” Apparently in the time I’ve been away from home, everyone’s gone stark raving mad
I really hope that a mass cancellation occurred after this invitation. Especially those who have FAMILIES, no need to stress out spouses and kids with a Marney over-organizer from hell. Food is food whether it comes in a white casserole dish with a blue lid or an aluminium foil pie dish.
For what the woman is making, it’s probably the turkey. However, as compulsive as she seems, she probably hauls the thing out of the oven every 15 minutes to baste it again, turning it into the dryest and worst bird anyone has ever tasted.
Honestly, I would tell her I wasn’t showing up. I don’t have much tolerance for this type of thing. Last time we had Thanksgiving with family we hosted it, and my mother-in-law showed up drunk on tequila. Since then, we just prepare a nice meal to ourselves and enjoy the fact we don’t have to worry about a huge grocery bill for the next week.
Hmm and Aunt Marney wonders why we don’t do thanksgiving at her house anymore…
My paternal grandmother is like this. One year she asked my mom to cut cheese into cubes for our traditional day-after-thanksgiving dinner. She was told she was doing it wrong, because the cubes weren’t EXACTLY the same size. The cheese was for fondue!
I love the phrase “regulation size casserole.”
re > can people please screen these things better…
do you not know your rules of the internet??
every repost is a repost of a repost, i doubt even your ‘original’ site was the first, theres no need to get your pants in a twist just cos its turned up elsewhere – no one is forcing you to read it again…
also, i’d turn up to this party with everything in giant blue dishes and tea spoons to serve …. this woman is wacko.
> Can someone PLEASE screen these entries better?
people– i think we’ve found ‘Marney’ … uh oh.
I have to hope that she has been this way before. I also guess that they expect it like this, and have been raised to take it with a grain of salt (not store brand, must be MacCormics).
So these people obviously keep coming now it has to be their fault.
I wonder if she dishes out the left overs equaly?
Probably, and with a scale, but if you want any you must provide your own regulation size Tupperware (not that Glad brand shit) WITH A LID! And it must be stored on the third shelf of your refrigerator next to a container of strawberry yogurt. You may only eat it with a spork.
I guess I’m the only one who feels Mamey’s pain and totally has her back on this. She has had too many family dinners with people bringing crazy stuff, or nothing, or 5 people bring rolls, or she tried to stack the containers in the fridge, but the ones covered in foil created a huge mess…
Yes, it’s anal, but I can appreciate it. Doing all of these things the way she asks makes a happy host, and makes for a more functional, balanced and beautiful spread of food.
You go, Mamie!
WTF?!?!?! A good host would not FORCE you to do things a CERTAIN way crazy bitch. A good host would simply ask what everyone is bringing, so as to not get the same thing twice. or request something else if that is the case.
I’d tell ANYBODY that is that retentive to “get stuffed”…But I’d also remind them to take the stick out of their ass before they did it…
A TV dinner alone with the boob tube would be preferable to dealing with that kind of twat waffle
Hehe, twatwaffle. SQUEE!
I am willing to bet that if someone veers from the very detailed list, SOMEONE won’t be happy at all…and if Marney ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
“…or she tried to stack the containers in the fridge, but the ones covered in foil created a huge mess…”
My Mom solved that problem by collecting cardboard for a few weeks before Thanksgiving and setting all us kids to wrapping it with tin foil the morning of Thanksgiving. Then she’d use the cardboard to create a more stable top for stacking. Worked pretty well, and with the tin foil wrapping, plus anything without a lid was already covered with either plastic wrap or foil, the food was saved from contact with the bottoms of the dish above.
Plus, glass lids aren’t exactly stackable, either.
“Jahole-Herr Commandant Marney
Ve vill be assembling required rations as required in ze memo.I vill also make zure zat all ze troopzen have zere stormtroopen bootezen polished per regulations as vell
Ve vill see you at ze appointed hour…
sieg hiel Matron Maney!!!!”
My mother in law should NEVER read this, wouldn’t want to give her any ideas. every year one of her in laws is asked to bring mashed potatoes, and arrives 20 mins before dinner with a 10 lb sack of potatoes which they hand to her. Grandma, not matter what, brings a green bean casserole with those canned onion crisps on top, nobody eats any of it. Somebody always puts hard boiled egg in the gravy (???!!!???? no idea how this started). And finally her brother, who own a restaurant and gets wine at cost, brings a case of two buck chuck but drinks the good stuff that others have brought as gifts. My wife and I seriously just sit back with a bottle of chuck and watch the hilarity unfold as mom tries her hardest not to show how disappointed she is. if she knew she could send emails like this it would be all over.
I actually got angry reading this. If this woman was part of my family, all the pumpkin pie in a pie dish (please use her silver palate recipe) in the world, couldn’t make me attend such a gathering.
Marney could quite possibly be the only family member “looking forward to the 28th”. LOL.
The thing is, even if Marney’s had 1,000 thanksgiving dinners that irritated her, all she has to do is not host them anymore. She’s well within her rights to say she’s done it plenty and it’s someone else’s turn — hell, she can even admit it stresses her out and she doesn’t like how controlling she gets! Rather than piss everyone off by making demands about the dimensions of their casserole dishes, just offer to bring a dish to Lisa M’s house!
If anyone in my family did this, it would make dinner more awkward and silent than ever.
there is no way i even show up
Wow… I suddenly appreciate my family so much more. While I understand the need to “chip in” with big families, people don’t respond well to being treated like slow children. Why not just email a list of what is needed and let people pick, first come first serve (like a wedding registry)?
I swear to god, this is my mother in law. Crazy bitch from hell.
We just don’t have anything to do with her anymore, period. She was such a freak about our wedding that we came REALLY close to just banning her.
No matter how many times I read it, I still love it! I was starting to wonder why it wasn’t on here yet.
What the hell is a “regulation sized” casserole dish anyway?
Ummmmm………sorry Marney but we won’t be able to make it this year…..sorry again, did I make the 11/22 cut off date? bahahahahahahahahahahaha
Yeah if I were related to this nutjob I’d never show up. I’d fucking hate her.
What I wouldn’t give to show up at Marney’s house on 11/28 and proudly hand her a sack of White Castles…
Don’t forget the bong
15 pounds of mashed potatoes but only gallon of ice cream? Something is off there in her quantity calculations.
but seriously, If someone sent that to me I’d have to either reply with a “Okay, I’m not coming, that sounds like no fun at all” or figure out some way to mess with her head.
“Turnips in a casserole with a lid and a serving spoon…I know this may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but most of us hate turnips”
Really? Then why bother telling someone to bring something no one will eat? She IS a control freak.
If any of my relatives went all Marney up in my face, I’d have to sneak something nasty into their portion.
She’s arranging Thanksgiving dinner for SIX families, and clearly not for the first time. Obviously, some folks do like turnips (such as, I dunno, the family assigned to it), which is why she mentions NOT to make too much.
As for the instructions on serving dishes: SIX FAMILIES take up a LOT of space. Laws of physics states that surface area can only hold so much laterally, so she may have to stack some dishes (hence the lids), and the blue dish is likely much too large.
And as for the explicitness of the instructions, it’s clearly from past experience. You have SIX families bringing dishes and everyone brings difficult to use/wrong serving utensils, well, it makes a mess and things don’t go so smoothly. If this chick is the one to host every year, it probably becomes a raging pain in the keister to keep everyone happy, so this is the end result. Sure, she comes off as a control freak, but I bet dollars to drumsticks she’s doing this to prevent people from bitching at the actual Thanksgiving dinner (though you know they’ll bitch beforehand…and likely during, since most guests are inconsiderate whiny bitches anyway)…
Well, okay, but the glass lids typically provided on “regulation size casserole dishes” are convex with a sticky-outie* handle, which kinda ruins the whole “Stack Those Suckers High!” plan.
(Sticky-Outie is a technical term. ;P )
Hm…good point. The only other thing I would think of is that aluminum foil can create a huge mess when used for keeping a dish warm (condensation, slop, etc), a lid would be cleaner and more effective for the purpose, especially if there are multiple tables for the various courses…
You sound like a real Marney
Whatever her past experience, someone has to tell her she has gone overboard. The spoons are just the icing on the cake: the host should supply those. Even if she is used to hosting large Thanksgiving dinners, she ought to be told the polite way to handle this is to coordinate with everyone by finding out what they want to bring and taking it from there; if she hosts a lot of people she has some reason to expect people to bring dishes to share, but none at all to give strict orders as to the contents. And the temperature thing is batty; can’t she just say “If you’re bringing food, please bring it ready to serve at the right temperature since we don’t have enough stovetop space to heat everything”? Instead of polite requests to be mindful of limited space or equipment, they have orders. And instead of privately contacting Lisa and asking if she’s going to be bringing anything, she’s handed out an assignment like a freaking kindergartner. My family has been involved in some big dinners and events too; they don’t have to be run by a drill sergeant to come together well. I respect the difficulty of trying to host a lot of people–but I would not reward this letter with silent compliance.
whenever I or my roommates host a party we don’t care what people bring. We usually say plase avoid nuts or other foods due to allergies. Most people are fine with this knowing that bringing such foods can make people that are attending sick or worse at risk of death. Other than that it’s potluck/buffet style cause it’s so much easier.
dude…right on
I bet Marney is a big fan of Goop.
lmao, i thought i was the only one to make that connection…
i would honestly kill that bitch, i hate control freaks.
This is probably why my family’s rule is just to make something you know you or, if you have them, your offspring will eat. The hostess makes the must haves and everyone else brings what they can.
Stay at home–bake Stouffers lasagna and Texas Toast–have any wine you like–have any dessert you like and ignore her.
Good excuse: I have ironing to do and then we’ll have a meal to be thankful for!!!!!
That silver palate pumpkin pie recipe is readily available through a google search. It looks good. This woman is clearly nuts, though.
My mom started hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas family dinners years ago. Why? Because the ladies in the family who used to host them (grandmothers, aunts and whatnot) thought they were good cooks, but very much weren’t. Those dinners were disgusting. There’s been a huge step up in the food since my mom took over. Except she does the whole shebang herself. She doesn’t trust anyone else to get anything right, even with instructions.
If I got an email like this, I’d get together with all the families involved and get everyone to do exactly what she didn’t ask for.
e.g. The Mike B Family – 2 gallons of store brand NON VANILLA ice cream, and a big gallon jug of water.
The Bob B Family – obviously bring beans AND asparagus, 3 pounds of each (does Marny have a scale that she weighs each contribution?) in a soupy, cheesy sauce. Two bottles of red wine, no beer.
The Lisa B Family- some packets of potato chips and a dip, preferably something with beans in it.
The Michelle B Family – stuffing with meat (lots of it) of course and a cake knife.
The June D Family: obviously potatoes in the big blue serving dish used last year, with at least two serving spoons, plus some red wine.
The Amy M Familybring whatever you want – you obviously never read this email.
Does Marny wait at the door with a list to check things off and weigh them as people arrive? Yep – sure sounds like she has a fabulous sense of humor….. the men with white coats will get a kick out of her when they arrive to pick her up after she’s beaten someone to death with the ladle they brought instead of a serving spoon
i wish i could have replied to marney:
Dear Marney,
Re: your instructions, kiss my ass, i’ll bring a pizza and you will thank me for it.
Can I come to your house? We can kick back, watch tv and browse through other funny internet sites. I like my pizza with pepperoni, mushroom and extra cheese.
I did a couple of these “structured holidaze” with my ex’s family and having grown up cooking out of boxes and cans (my mom worked full time and raised us 2 kids alone, so meals were pretty simple), my cooking skills amount to being able to follow a recipe, but not being a homemaker.
While never exactly stormtroppered to this point, it’s been obvious that my lack of finesse in the kitchen was apparent and I have been reminded more than once that maybe I should “brush up” in some of those areas. *rolling eyes*
I think before you post ANYTHING on this website, please scour the internet THOROUGHLY, going back for at least 10 years, just in case it was posted somewhere else, or in case someone referred to it directly or indirectly, OR in case there was something similar posted somewhere, no matter how obscure the reference. You should also research all recipes that involve 4 pounds of beans and/or 5 pounds of asparagus, or turnips, or ice cream, or pumpkin pie, because that could also be indirectly related to this posting. Is that too much to ask? We shouldn’t have to live like this – reading something on this website that was posted on another website.
Sweepy, most of us don’t scour the internet. And I can honestly say I’ve never seen this anywhere, so I appreciate it being posted here, especially since it fits the website “Emails From Crazy People.” Just appreciate that someone wants to share something humorous with you.
Unless of course you’re making a joke in referrence to the anal-retentiveness of this email, in which case kudos to you
It’s already been posted on THIS blog before!!!…this is getting ridiculous…
Wow, I think your post belongs on this site. Are you the same anal-retentive woman who wrote that email?
You obviously have no appreciation for clever satire.
I don’t care if it’s been posted on every other blog every created…. It’s hilarious!
Jesus – if I ever get a letter/email like that, I am going to turn up with a big bag of McDonalds and a bottle of scotch as my contribution instead.
You are welcome to come to my thanksgiving dinner anytime.
If I got an email like that, I’d just say I wouldn’t attend.
Now I’ll be all worried my casserole dishes aren’t regulation size. I’m sure they wouldn’t hold 7.5 pounds of mashed potatoes.
Why doesn’t this crazy beeatch just fix it her self??
I would show up with my stuff deliberately wrong just to freak this woman out.
THEY HAVE REGULATION MASHED POTATO CASSEROLE DISHES?!?!
Dude,
and I thought my sister was bad about this stuff. . .
This woman is psycho. She must be stopped.
This woman probably lives in a house with a Home Owners Association. Heck, she is probably the president or Grand Poobah or whatever they call the anal retentive in charge.
Ha. I would’ve brought McDonalds. Or I would’ve told everybody else to fuck that bitch and have Thanksgiving at my place.
I’m pretty sure this is a David Sedaris (or similar) piece. I know I’ve read it in a book somewhere
Itthy – I was being sarcastic. The fact that someone even wrote in to complain that this was on another website was ridiculous. It would be one thing if this website was called EmailsfromCrazyPeopleThatYouWillNeverEverFindOnAnyOtherWebsiteEver – GuaranteedOrYourMoneyBack.com.
But it’s not.
If you’re going to post items from other blogs, at least make sure you give attribution!
Can anyone say OCD!
Okay now – I have a family of over 200 people. On holidays, we bring a dish and everyone does it buffet style. Now I know that coordinating alot of people is hard, but seriously, if you are friends or family, you DON”T TALK TO PEOPLE THAT WAY.
I’m mexican. We have to feed tons of people daily. I don’t see what the big deal is for thanksgiving. Why go see people you don’t like? Just wait til they’re dead, like normal people. sheesh.
This may be my favorite thing said. Ever.
I understand this Marney wants everything to be right and perfect for Thanksgiving. I believe she knows these people very well and knows what they like and don’t like. But, I see that sending an e-mail with everyone’s instructions to everyone as inappropriate.
Sure, she wants everyone to know what will be available to eat. But, just don’t send The Bob B Family The Mike D Family’s instructions.
“The Lisa B Family
1. Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level.”
Really, EVERYONE needed to see that?
Oops, typo. I meant to type The Mike B Family. Minor mistake, I know. But, still…
Wow, I seriously pity the men and women who married into that family. If you don’t want to cook something, fine, just don’t expect it from someone else. I’d love to know if one or more of the kids (or their spouses) had the cojones to send her back the only appropriate response:
“Marney:
We love you and would love to spend a pleasant Thanksgiving with you, but you need help. A good host does not give strict orders to each and every participant as to what they should bring to a dinner party, and how they should prepare and serve it. All of those things are the host’s job. Normal people celebrate Thanksgiving by cooking a few dishes, and if guests choose to bring a dish to pass it is welcomed. If you want absolute control over the dishes served at Thanksgiving you have only two choices: Make them yourself, or order them from a restaurant. Also, we are not your personal restaurant supply store; get your own spoons if you care so much about them. Again we love you, but this is not healthy behavior. If you can’t act like a civilized person then we’ll be spending Thanksgiving elsewhere. The others may not admit this to your face, but they feel the same way too. Please get help.”
Of course that response is unlikely for a few reasons, but probably the scariest is that some of the kids had to end up with that level of crazy. Marney wouldn’t be sending that email if she didn’t think it was normal, which means her kids think this is somewhat normal too even if they do recognize she’s gone off the rails. I don’t think her kids are in for stable marriages if they bring that baggage with them.
My mother is much like this. She sends similar e-mails to the whole extended family telling them what “color scheme” the party will be (i.e. what colors they should dress in so they look good in the pictures), what food to bring, what gifts to purchase, etc.
Do we give in to her… sadly, more than we all should. I bet Marney is quite the manipulator. Should anyone buck her, I bet she gets really pitiful and innocent and already has an excuse for each and every order, despite it’s crudeness.
Part of me is glad that another family like this exists and mine’s not the only nut-house. The other part of me feels sorry for this family… I know how stuck they feel. If they buck her – they are horrible children. If they agree to play along… it gets worse.
I am reminded why I don’t go to family Thanksgivings anymore. A dinner with friends is much more pleasant.
And if she were my family, I’d write back and politely decline her invitation to slavery. Goodness. If she wants perfection, let her cook it all herself!
My brother was going to come “home” for Thanksgiving this year. But after reading this email, he has changed his mind. He has always been very bright. Happy Holidays, everyone!
I don’t care what anyone says. If this lady was in my family and sent this out, I would show up; not empty handed, but with a kitchen knife… for which to lodge repeatedly into her throat.
What an uber-controlling bitch.
And for the record, I’ve cooked Thanksgiving dinner for 30 before… I’ve told them all “bring whatever you’d like”, and we all had a great time. This chick needs medication, and a reality check.
MOM?
I bet Amy M was the one who leaked this email out; if she actually read it…
Amy does sound like the sensible one of the family, going by Marney’s parenthetical remark.
LOL Good Lord, Marney. The ice cream cannot be store brand, the spoons have to be a certain kind, the water needs to be in bottles not gallon jugs?
Sounds like someone is more about control and material things than actually being thankful they can afford the food and all be together on the holidays. If I was one of those relatives, I’d reply that I was going to go out on Thanksgiving. Especially if ol’ Marn gave me a big long list of things to do. That would really throw her plans.
Wow. Just wow. My family may be loud and rambunctious and always late to start things, but you know what? We have fun at our Thanksgivings. They are laid-back affairs. People bring what they want and everyone enjoys themselves. I am suddenly quite grateful for my family.
This is the reason I live 800km away from my family…………… now my mother in law is going the same way – I think another move is in order…….They can’t expect you bring a dish if you are coming from a hotel!
I’m willing to bet that when it comes to actually serving the food, Marney insists on doing all the serving herself, and not only meticulously portions off the various dishes to everyone in a line, but makes sure the green beans and mashed potatoes don’t touch on anyone’s plate. Heaven forbid there be gravy involved.
@N/A
Well, she didn’t assign the turkey to anyone so one can only assume that she is doing that herself. Doesn’t look to me like she’s doing absolutely nothing beyond “popping a can of crescent rolls in the oven.” If she is that controlling, she probably wouldn’t dream of letting anyone take on the task of preparing the centerpiece of the dinner.
jebus h christ…..as the 7th youngest of 24 grandchildren born to the second youngest of nine on my mother’s side(which is quite a big family) i understand wanting people to contribute……but this is nuts……………..
the Monahan way:
ok who cant eat what?who likes what?whos good at making what?who makes what that everyone likes?ok people,do that and we’ll see ya there…….is there a spare spoon knockin about for that???
the height of OCD comes from my ma(cause it messes up the tin): DON’T CUT THE KRISPY SQUARES WITH A KNIFE!!!: p
thankstaking should be called “the day of mourning”. speaking of which colombus day is a day away. i forgot when is hitler day?
Dear Marney, we are sorry that we have to inform you that we won’t be able to prepare the asparagus this year, but we would love to shove a deep frozen turkey up your ass.
Wow, that’s one way to ensure you spend Thanksgiving alone! Marney must not really want anyone to come! Wouldn’t it have been easier to say “I’ve done Thanksgiving enough, it’s someone else’s turn” rather than go the Nazi route? I come from a very large family, and every year (Christmas, Thanksgiving…etc) we just send out an e-mail saying, “Ok, who’s bringing what?” Then we click “reply all” and add our bit onto the list. Don’t worry Marney’s family! With her type of personality, Marney’s sure to have a coronary soon (if you don’t first)!
What exactly is a “regulation sized” casserole dish? And what government agency can I go to to find all the casserole regulations?