Logical Train Of Thought?
I wish I could say that I’d would never look at an outhouse and think “There’s a place for making with the sex.” But I can’t. Thanks Nick.
Submitted By: Ariana J
I wish I could say that I’d would never look at an outhouse and think “There’s a place for making with the sex.” But I can’t. Thanks Nick.
Submitted By: Ariana J
@crazyemails
I think that this conservative douchenozzle is so “not with the times” that he isnt making his point correctly. I think he is talking about masturbating… NOT 2 people having sex in an outhouse. He never mentions anything about couples… and the whole “The Who Elton John” thing? It sounds like hes so stupid that he thinks that masturbating is “having sex” He freely admits to doing it in the bathroom when he was a teenager. He NEVER mentions a girl or another person. He is so immature that he censors himself from the words Poop and Pee. Hillarious out of touch loser who thinks he is speaking for his peers apparently.
He even says He would go to the bathroom and do what he had to do… and he was finished… he would have sex. WITH HIMSELF lol
I hope it was with himself. What kind of sick puppy hangs out in the toilet waiting for a guy to finish shitting before dropping to her knees and presumably working his johnson?
You’ve never heard of a Blumpkin?
Nope, but a quick search on urban dictionary told me more than I wanted to know!
Ummm…guys, I think he’s being a DB on purpose. Pay attention to the last line. He’s MAKING FUN of the hyper-conservative groups that complain about everything in a game as being too sex-obsessed or violent…
you know what… you might be right. I didnt even think about that last part.
What is a moderiate adult? Is that related to a fucktard?
Although…. there may be a little bit of Rule 34 in there — I’m quite sure that there is porn out there that involves an outhouse. On the other hand, I’m sure there is porn out there that involves his wholesome family friendly game.
AAH… UUH… Outhouse… OOH… Makes me so horny… Yeah..
rotfl
Didn’t realize that listening to The Who and Elton John made people want to masturbate in the first place Or that doing one’s ‘business’ made you want to masturbate – now that I find a teeeny bit bizarre. Hilarious.
Every time I hear “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road,” I’m off like a shot to the bathroom to flick the bean. Isn’t that totally normal? I really want to know what game this person is talking about. My guess is Webkinz. They added an outhouse you can put in your pet’s back yard (just for decoration). But you can also build a bathroom in your pet’s house, so doesn’t that mean your kid could pretend they were going to do whatever in there? You can make your pet sit on the toilet and it flushes. This person has given me a headache.
I love you for using the phrase “flick the bean.” I’ve always hoped that phrase would catch on.
Weird! I get the same with “Follow the yellow brick road” from the Wizard of Oz. Just the thought of those Munchkins while I’m having a strenuous poop gets me right off. This guy needs to get some friends to bounce his ideas off before publishing on the net.
Oh yea… I can barely make it through The Lion King w/out getting hot XD XD XD
I like how he talks about how he did it (masturbate, I presume) in his teenage years, and even goes so far as to say that any mature person should admit the same thing. On the other hand, he says that such behavior should be discouraged?
That’s a “conservative” view that makes me angry time and time again: hey, I did it, and you know that you did it, but there’s no way in hell that my kid or other kids should be able to do it.
B-B-Benny & The Jets!
Oh gawd! Yes! Just like that! Whew. Was it good for you too?
And my tiny dancer!
At least the rabid fuckfaces at Facebook deemed it necessary to blast the dipshit!
And his vote counts as much as the smartest person in the country. This is why democracy is fucking retarded.
my head just exploded.
I love the jump between ” We all know what goes on in out houses. People poop and pee.” to ” Am I the only one who worries that after their child sees this they’ll will wanna go out and have sex?” I was sure I’d skipped something.” He’s worried that the sight of an out house… this guy must be REALLY into the Cleavland Steamer. Poop? I’ve got to bang something!
Nothing like the smell of one’s own faeces to get you in the mood for a hand shandy.
I sit on the toilet, light some candles, and turn on Tommy and see if it syncs with The Bitch is Back (the collaborative mush is amazing) and wait for my honey to come home. Did I mention that the toilet is an outhouse? And that it’s a hole dug in the ground with a shack over it? And the DVD and stereo are both hooked to an extension cord running up to the house through a window?
See? This guy was right. Outhouses are TOTALLY erotic. That was the FIRST thing I thought about and I definately did not just make this up to be a smartass. Doesn’t everyone do this in an outhouse?
Duh! That’s practically what outhouses are FOR! Hence why he’s so worried!
hmm…
poopin & peein = need for sex
in an outhouse
someone needs to neuter this guy before he breeds anymore idiots.
Since he seems to think that masturbation is full-blown sex, I don’t know if he has managed to breed.
FAKE.
RETARD
Yes, I mean you, DON.
It’s very real. YOU FAIL.
It’s about The Sims 3 I reckon?
Woah woah woah… the sims has proper wholesome public fornication (at least sims2 does) and gay marriage.
This guys head would implode.
I’d love to clockwork orange him and make him watch sims fuck each other. Now that would be wholesome family entertainment.
HAHAHAHA, that is an awesome idea! BTW, did you know that SIMS 2 have mods that can show real XXX sex during the game, genitalia and all? I wish we could subject him to that.
Nicholas is not saying what moderate people would say since there is no such thing as a moderate twat waffle…
Anyone else look up the actual facebook thread on this? The replies are hilarious!
Everytime I see a dog do his business in the lawn makes me wanna drop my pants. I love p**p and p**.
It sounds like he used to “summon the wanky shit demon”.
I just found the original post and “Nicholas” strikes again after being repeatedly told he’s either an idiot or a pervert or both :
“People, This topic was for concerned parents. I never mentioned anyone getting sexually turned on by an outhouse. When kids go in an outhouse to either p**p or p** then they go and have sex. I think every concenting adult can admit that after they left an outhouse they either had sex or at the very least thought about it. I’m sorry if I offended anyone I just dont want to go and see my childs farm with 15 out houses and then the next day she comes home pregnant. Now I would Like to thank all the parents that sent me messages to my inbox thanking me for bringing this topic up. If I may quote One Parent in Arkansas Names Nikki X:
“Nicholas thank you for being the Voice in “remove Outhouses from YYY because it promotes sex to minors” I to, was shocked when I saw the Outhouse as a buyable item. This wholesome game is quickly turning into something for swingers, Vagrants, and hoodlums. Because of people like you hopefully some order will return to the game”
People as I said I am not here to offend I am just here to try to save our future(The Children of Tommorow) Lets get together and get these sexually explicide Outhouse Banned from YYY..THANK you for agreeing with me after I made myself Clear. Sorry for the misunderstanding”
I don’t know what is more disturbing – that he’s associating stinky outhouses with sex, that he tries to justify his own weird kink by repeatedly insisting that everyone have it too, that he insists that children should follow the logic of “Do as I say not as I do” or that there are other such morons like him out there.
*sighs* As someone who lives in Arkansas, I’m always glad to see our state take a giant step backward into the realm of stereotype. Assuming, of course, that this idiot is quoting someone who exists, as opposed to someone he made up.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! WHAT THA F**K??? I for one do not believe anyone sent him a positive message thanking him for pointing this out. I can’t believe this….I have no words. I’m also laughing hysterically and making an ass out of myself in public and NOW thanks to this guy, will only associate outhouses with sex.
Later down the same thread he insists that his inbox is full of messages from people supporting him, but since not a single of those people actually appears on the thread to back this, we can safely assume that he’s enough of an immature douchebag to make this up.
There is no such thing as a “sexually explicit” outhouse.
I thought this was Farmville (by Zynga on Facebook). Now that I see him say “farm” I’m sure of it.
Seriously? The outhouses are cute! Leave them be!
It’s Farm Town. I thought Farmville too, since they added outhouses, but it’s not. I just googled “Nicholas Farmville Outhouse”and it came up in the Farm Town discussion board.
That is either a joke or one very sick human being.
P**P… giggle.
Okay, not fair to say you found the original post without dropping a link to it. Obviously there is some kind of FB group out there that needs to be thoroughly and roundly mocked.
Link, if you please
I did not drop a link to it because I wasn’t sure if it was allowed.
Just google the first sentence of “Nicholas” post and it’s the first result that comes out.
I tried to provide the link but apparently the moderator does not feel that it is appropriate to provide the link. WTF? Whatever…..
If this guy is feeling the need to whack the weasel after listening to Elton John, then I think he needs to do some heavy soul-searching and admit a few things to himself.
No, that would offend his conservative sensibilities. Better to deflect those feelings with mock-concern for America’s youth.
I can’t take someone seriously who censors the word “poop.”
that is just strange. . .i’m totally aghast at the moment.when and if I come up with a witty reply, I’ll be back.
. . . .omg. . .
Best part: “Well I have just basically said what most conservitive and moderiate adults are thinking.”
The single worst logical fallacy: attributing your wild opinion to a crowd of people who agree with you as justification.
Crap.
You mean “p**p”
The original post where “Nicholas” is expressing his inner crazy can be found simply by googling the first sentence of his original post here. It’s the first result that comes out on the very top of the page.
As for Nicholas, I think I finally figured out what is wrong with him (apart from obviously being quite high on something):
“Nicholas wroteon September 6, 2009 at 11:42pm
Ok DEB since you will not let me sugar coat it I will Spell it out for you. Kids are not attracted to outhouses. They is absurd. When people go to outhouses they expel bodily fuild and then they want to remake that feeling so they go have sex…Great THANK SO MUCH. I am No better then the people that put an outhouse in Farm Town. Why don’t I just start a convention for Children and Cigerette smoking. DOG Gonnet, I am Just trying to keep some decency with kids today and you knew what I mean. I’m sorry everybody for being to vulger but it seemed a couple people could not get over the concept of Children being attracted to Outhouses. THAT is So OUTLANDISH it leaves me speechless”
He’s got some sort of weird golden showers fetish and he’s feeling so guilty about it subconsciously that he’s trying to convince everyone that all people do so he’d feel less guilty about it, but at the same time wants to be sure that children (and when he says children he apparently only visualises males – I don’t know if, as a woman, I should be offended or relieved) don’t develop the same fetish. :/ Talk about skewed logic…
So people have sex to recreate the feeling of peeing? Geez, if sex feels just like peeing then clearly I need some peeing lessons because I just don’t have that much fun. If it was that fun I imagine coffee shops everywhere would do a roaring trade since people would want to drink gallons of coffee so they could pee 5 times an hour.
Alright.
I’m gonna be REALLY generous for a moment (don’t worry, I’ll make up for it in a bit ;D ) and assume that what turned him on about bathrooms and outhouses was the simply fact that it was PRIVATE and that the act of relieving himself necessarily involved giving himself access to his genitalia. So A) he was already alone, and B) here was his wedding tackle, all accessible and everything. Maybe that was enough to put him in the mood.
Yeah, he’s stupid for assuming that the presence of an outhouse IN A VIDEO GAME is going to make 14-year-old kids rush right out and find willing, fertile partners to go find seclusion and have unprotected sex. That is the leap for which he deserves mockery. Okay, one of them. I think it’s more common for people involved in the aromatic atmosphere of the bathroom to be turned off, but hey, there are people with different reactions out there.
Technically, it’s still unclear whether this guy can tell the difference between solo sex and partner sex. Heck, I’m not even sure (after reading both posts) that this guy knows that masturbation does not cause pregnancy. Clearly he does not recognize that not everyone has sex in bathrooms
He claims that he “usually” had sex after relieving himself. I think we can all agree that “usually” means “more than 50% of the time.” Statistically, people visit the bathroom about six times a day on average, which means he’s claiming he had sex more than three times a day. Even assuming he was just solo, that schedule still sounds a little aggressive to me – and I have to find the presumption that he had a willing partner 3+ times a day, EVERY DAY, to be pretty ludicrously unbelievable, especially given how puritanical he seems to be about it now.
Hehe…”wedding tackle.” Nice.
The facebook page got even better once I got to his crazy poetry. I was too busy laughing to remember much, but it was something about cats, cigarettes, and a ford Taurus.
Oh, yes, the “poetry” if it can be called that. This guy needs some serious therapy. XD
I spit my drink out at Ford Taurus…
Ok, here’s the guy’s poem I copied and pasted it off facebook, so it’s verbatim. Alas….
I walk down the street with a cigerette
i am the envy of the guys in my high school class cuz I owm Newports
I use to play basketball
Alas It is time to go to the mail
I try to teach my brother to play basketball
I Do while smoking a Newport in my mouth
I am called whitetrash by my neightbor
Why So Brash!?!?
As I Teach Basketball I Learn
Learn and Teach
Teach and Learn
Alas My Brother is not a basketball Player
He has an impotent left hand
Yet I still am in demand
Not Because I own a soup can or I’m the Basketball man
Or because I watch InDemand
Even cuz my parents owm a lot of land
Indemand I am cuz I hold cigerettes, Newports that is
I Am the envy
But one must ask themself….Am I Smoking the cigerette?
Or Is the Cigerette Smoking me?
Here’s another:
I am about to go into my slumber but just because we can not agree on a topic does not mean I won’t give you all another one of my wonderful Poems
I look up at the sky
A rabbit Hops past me
I go home and pet my pet cat
He is on a mat
Alas My brother enters home
He needs a chaperone
I will be the chaperone
I read thy rules of thy homecoming dance
I Speak
I speak
I speak
Words of Wisdom
To this dance I Declare He may smoke ciggerettes and bring his cat
Not one but to all
During the dance Kids are smoking ciggerettes and cats r about
ALAS A cat is smoking a ciggerette
My brothers date has never seen such a feat
I get kicked out in defeat
I go home and eat sumthing sweet
Ford Taurus
No need to thank me
And another!
Plz do not judge my sanity. I have not disrespected anyone here and if I have I am sorry. Now I now some of you don’t like my poems but I would say 7 out of ten do so Now I will put down another one before I go into my deep slumber for the night..
Tru luv where are thy?
As I such for Miss right
I ponder, Is she at the Supermarket?
Did she eat Steak’ems
I yearn for the beautiful someone to fulfill me
She will make me feel good from Toe to Upper shoulder
When she is not about I feel Blue
Alas I remember the day
That we spent in May
Yes I admit it made me feel Dog-gone Gay
We watched the sunrise at dawn
When we touched it felt like forever bliss
I look to her Lips
I feel her Hips
We go half and half on a precious Newport cigerette
we become one through luv
I feel like the heaven above
My tru luv is rite next too me
Thank U so
Alas she eats Steak’em as well
Then the secret of tru luv is clear
Not foggy like U feel from to much beer
The Luv of my live eats Steak’ems
Everything makes sense
The luv and the Mystery
Steak’ems they have in common
My luv they do not
VOTE NO ON OUTHOUSES IN FARMTOWN!!!
“He has an impotent left hand
Yet I still am in demand”
apparently to help him masturbate after he leaves the outhouse.
O.O
Alas Friends are wut make time worth while
They will help you if you are in denial
Good friends will not let you be a slacker
Sum men have dated women they turned into linebackers
She walks into the house with KFC Snackers
Don’t judge her for that
If it gets u depressed
Do not go into a slumber
But turn of the movie Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift
Women should be treated like ever special gift from above
Give them so much Luv
Women are good like special Stuff
You should tell them they are good
Treat them like good stuff
Tell them they are good as good stuff
Also men can be mean
But even a mean man can tell a women that she is good like good stuff
Relationships can be ruff
Maybe next Halloween I will be Crime Dog McGruff
Again Women are Good Stuff, Str8 ^
White people Can be called Crackers
I will still luv my wife even if she turns n2 a linebacker
I own the Move Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift
I work out so I can lift my wife
Also We luv eachother, we are each others gift
Think bout it, Now we both own Tokyo Drift…
Thank you, I was able to bless those people with my talent. One guy looked at me speechless, his eyes telling “me why is this man here and not in the Poem writing Hall Of fame?” I just looked at him right back and smiled thinking, Stay Humble Nicholas, Stay Humble
Son of a BITCH!
“Yes But U cant make toilets in Farmtown, a kids game. Outhouses you can and it will make children have sex. Thats my problem…Mt Outhouses or toilets in General. I just have a problem with them being in a childrens game!”
OMG what a nut.
The fact that he identifies himself as a “conservative” probably means he’s Christian, which means anything even remotely related to self-gratification is a Sin and therefore bad. What a douche.
naw..if he were christian do you think he would admit to having sex? or masturbating?
think not.
=/
Uh, no. He’s clearly a troll playing on the prejudices of people like yourself. I guess he just won another internet.
Poo, pee, sex… it all involves “down there.” Really, for the sake of the children, we shouldn’t allow them to see themselves poo or pee for fear they’ll find their genitals and then make the very short leap to “I can fuck with my genitals!” and they should certainly not be allowed to ever be naked, dear lord no.
This man is sad, very sad, and I agree that he is mistaking masturbation for sex. I will never understand how people who don’t believe in sex before marriage can knock masturbation. You start repressing your sexuality in all forms and you end up with guys like this.
For that matter, let’s just go ahead and ban “Everybody Poops.” After all, it does have that evil P word in it! :O
can we link this page of fabulous responses to his face book responses?????
Apparently the moderator does not want us to post links to the original page. Google the first few words of the message between quotes and you should find it easily.
ok, I get that it’s not aloud, I understand. and googling works just as well.
I don’t think sticking to the sight rules makes the moderator a troll…
Defecation makes you horny?
Is this guy german or something?
And by his logic, eating should be abolished because it leads to p**ping, which then leads to sex.
I guess I’m the only one who detects a troll in our midst?
After the poetry, yeah — Troll.
Obvious troll…. I’m constantly amazed how quickly everyone is willing to believe the worst about people/groups without thinking things through first. I realize this is emails from crazy people, but use some common sense people.
Nick WINS at trolling. Those poems are true genius.
Up here in New England, we have a guy who’s been arrested TWICE for going into the shit buckets of outhouses and watching people. True story. http://www.unionleader.com/article.aspx?headline=Man+found+lurking+in+toilet+again&articleId=e949a86e-4a63-4a25-b23e-ac7396756c63
What the Hell? yea,” p**p and P**” are seeexxxy. ohwee! I smell that shit and right away it’s all I can think about! LOL
I think he’s talking about FarmVille, and it’s just a bird’s eye view of the outhouse. this is my fav EFCP in a while. thanks!
Am I the only one who doesn’t understand a word of what this person is trying to say? Is this Idiocracy?
I, also, think that this guy is a troll. Although, if he’s not he must have schizophrenia or mild retardation. Remember the movie Malibu’s Most Wanted? His poetry is nearly a match for the cheesy rap rhymes.
I luv my wive
I will never leaf her
She is my good stuff
Good stuff is good
Like a Newport
Life is two short
It is true joy that I snort
Up my nose
Like a lovely rose
Yes, Good stuff is good
Like a ciggerette should
Winston was my principle
He had and extra nipple
I shall slumber
And I awake to eat my wifes cucumber…
Remember Dr Bronner pure castille soaps and the wacky shit on the label?This is nuts! Nicholas is off his fucking rocker. Amirite?
This is some seriously flawed logic:
Outhouse in Farmtown=making kids want to have sex? Um, no. I think you missed a few steps there pally…
Nick is goofing. I hope. Found his MySpace page(s), and one mentions being the guy who invented the 4th of July and Arby’s Beef and Cheddar sandwiches then described the loss of his virginity (through force) to Scott Baio at age 15.
Google on “lastnameisabunnyrabbit”
If he isn’t goofing he’s so messed up it isn’t funny.
In case I wasn’t clear, use Nick’s last name, not “lastname”.
I think we should ban blood donations. The expelling of bodily fluid will clearly make people need sex right away. Why, I can recall as a teenager listening to Rush and Pink Floyd before going down to the Red Cross to have a pint taken out and then immediately stepping outside to have sex. What other purpose could the Red Cross blood donation center possibly have other than to have sex outside it?
Of course! Blood donation leads to thinking about blood engorgement and before you know it you and your blood engorged naughty bits are going to Hell in a handbasket!
Woot, I just posted the most win response on the topic.
OMG, People… I also googled the first line and found it on Facebook… this weirdo can’t be serious. He’s refering to virtual outhouses on the application FARMVILLE! I hope to god this is a joke and he’s not taking himself serious!! but who knows??
This guy is just goofing. He’s made a fake persona and he’s trolling you all. I can’t believe anyone would fall for this!
He is trolling
While we are bowling
He is goofing
While we are aloofing
Does he smoke Newports?
Is he the kind who supports
The troops in Iraq
Ouch my back
Don’t step on the crack
Crack is good stuff…
Etc., etc., etc.
Dude, I WISH going to the bathroom felt like sex.
If anything, that would make less people want to have sex cause why go to all the trouble when you can just take a p**.
woah….suddenly i feel like having hot underage sex in an outhouse!
thanks to Nicholas for opening my eyes to this wonderful oppertunity!!! =D
Man… I consider myself a hardcore conservative, and THIS guy is a freaking moron.
This guy is a freak… besides, I only know people who have sex in porta potties, not outhouses. Heard the splinters are less painful that way.
Congrats Nick, successful troll is successful. Maybe for his next act he could start a thread about an app like Wizard Academy and talk about how allowing, and thereby teaching, witchcraft on a site with impressionable underage kids is going to make them all succumb to the occult and sacrifice goats/kill themselves for Satan and infect the servers with horrible anti-Christian viruses or something. I’d certainly wanna see it.
Farmville, right? Yeah, that was totally my first impression too. And he forgot to mention how the animals are there to promote bestiality, and the plants are allowed to wither in order to promote necrophilia. How did we not see this before? lol.
It’s kinda weird that this guy accosiates taking a crap with having sex.
Hmm..I think this one would even be too much for Freud..
Poop + pee = want to have sex? Hey if you’re into that, good for you, but don’t expect the kids the be!
Oh, man. There’s a scene in the movie called Dead Snow (it’s about Nazi zombies) where these two people have sex in an outhouse. In the cold snowy mountains. After dark. It’s a wave of madness, I tell you. It must be stopped now! XD