Lawn Chair War; Anti-Climatic Conclusion?
In case you aren’t up to speed, find Part One here. And Part Two here.
And don’t forget to come back this afternoon for the second edition of the Friday Fight!
Submitted By: Robin via Burbia.com
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@crazyemails
You cannot buy me.
I will move for 7.5%
enough said
John is now my personal hero.
So it ends?
I *love* that he laughs off being bought off, but then says he’d do it for 7.5%. I’d totally agree to that just to be like “i accept your proposal to move for 7.5%” lol.
Yeah. That made me spew coffee on my computer monitor too.
You know, reading this saga at 8:30-9am when I had to get up for an appointment that never happened…. makes it worth the loss in sleep. It’s true the ending was a bit anti-climatic, however, I think that the idea of paying the man to move just demonstrates how desperate the neighborhood is to get rid of him. It’s even more amusing that he refused this payment even though he was already thinking of moving. If I was moving and then I got a letter from my neighbors that they’d pay me to move? You can bet I’d take the money and run without letting them know I was already planning to move.
This reminds me of this apartment I shared, where the roommates repeatedly ‘lost’ the paperwork to add me to the lease. After the third try, the office wouldn’t give us any more paperwork to add me, ‘waste of paper’ they said. I’m rather glad of that as the ‘alpha-female’ of the apartment finally rounded on me and I left a month early. Good thing I wasn’t on that lease, no need to pay that last month’s rent if I wasn’t there!
I don’t think he was actually planning on moving, he was most likely lying and trying to make it seem like he already had that idea before they came up with it. The thing about his business expanding is most likely a lie as well, his ‘excuse’ for coming up with the idea of moving. You don’t harrass people like that because you plan on leaving before your complaints can be heard and they do what you want.
Oh, hubris, what idiocy can’t it inspire?
I vote that this be this week’s Friday Fight.
Un-freaking-believable!
Did you read Part One and Part Two?
There wouldn’t even be a debate here. Paul is clearly the crazy one, hands down.
Anyone who took Paul’s side is just as insane as he is.
I really hope these are real…..and I hope I someday get to meet someone like this.
This stuff is so good it just has to fattening! I really hope its not real for John’s sake, but why not just use that 10grand to initiate a harrassment suit? I’m sure they’d win. If it is real, kudos! John on the lawnchair towers, inspired and derranged I could never do better.
“I sometimes forgot to close my garage door all the way – those few inches at the bottom, ahhh!!”
ROFL
What I want to know is what happened at the block party and if Paul brought his macaroni salad.
Same here!
I REALLY hope that this is not how it ends. There are too many unanswered questions. What happened at the block party???
Trash Cans, Chair Towers, etc… I understand that the purpose for these emails is likely to keep “John” from pooping on “Paul”s yard or other more vindictive things.
Ya know, its amazing how this jerk brought the rest of the neighborhood together … I bet once he’s gone that will be one of the most pleasant and close knit communities in America.
Not all the neighbors. There is still that one with the house that lives in California. They’re still friends.
They’re probably “still friends” because they don’t actually live there most of the time and they don’t have to put up with this nutcase and his bullshit.
This series of exchanges is the best thing ever.
Wonder if he should try the “renting a clown” routine of one of the other posts, that would make it interesting…
I wonder if this wackjob knows that all teh Intertubes are making fun of him. I hope he doesn’t move anywhere near me.
I am sad to see this coming to an end. Very entertaining! Wish there were pictures to see the towers!
If a couple is willing to cancel their African trip to fax over some details about how they want a guy out of the neighborhood…. well, that’s just dedication to the cause.
that guy must have nothing better to do in his miserable existance than to harass everyone and alienate them. It’s pretty sad really.
Please, please, please keep us updated. I have GOT to know how this whole thing turns out.
WooHoo!!!!!!!! Finally more to my favorite saga on this site. I hope this does not get resolved. This is great. Really made my Friday. Where have all the crazies been recently?
I just read this book called ‘The Sociopath Next Door’ by Martha Stout and in it there is a chapter about an old woman who is EXACTLY this person. The result was less hilarious, but ultimately the same. The book also asserts that 1 in 25 Americans is a sociopath!!!
**resisting posting**
**not 25 people here yet**
**will be found out**
*Smacks GrlGeorge with one of John’s lawn chairs for no reason*
“…What?”
This entire situation is LOLicious!
I’m so glad all of my neighbors are friendly in the “quietly keep to themselves” manner.
“my grass was the wrong color”
haha what a nutcase
to be fair, grass shouldn’t be neon orange
Unless it is Halloween… but even then…
There is still so much more to come from this. I don’t believe for a second that either John or Paul are going to go quietly into the night. Paul will ratchet up the crazy to yet another level and John will continue to fight the overwhelming insanity. I can’t wait for the next chapter in the saga – my fingers are crossed… I want to see a local news clip about the feud sooooo badly… Don’t give up the good fight John!!! Don’t let the bastard win!!!
WOW!!! I can’t believe the lawn chair war went this far. Clearly this guy has some serious issues, I mean, HOW many neighbors are suing him?? I hope the court event is televised. Seriously. Someone needs to email John and beg him to bring a camera. For our amusement.
Of course the best ending to this story would be for the grumpy neighbour to tie a bunch of balloons to his house and fly off…
How is this “anti-climatic”?
No pistols at dawn, no knife fight from “Beat it”, no Mortal Kombat style fatality – rather just a “get the hell out, we’ll pay you?”
No, that would be Anti-Climactic. BD wants to know how it is Anti-Climatic. You know, against the climate.
It is obvious that Paul is against the weather.
I will not be bought…but 7.5% seems ok….yeah sure…
I may have missed it but…where did John ever insinuate that Paul was on drugs?
Oh wait nevermind, I see it. He was referring to the “meds”. When Paul said the drug insinuation, I was thinking crack cocaine or something
Man, this could be turned into a TV miniseries
He should simply move his lawn chairs into his paid for parking spot when he’s not using it. That should send him over the edge.
So he’s going to move on his own terms but wants 71/2% anyways?? cheekey get!
In the UK this guy would’ve been given an Anti-Social Behaviour Order(ASBO) which would probably bar him from certain areas or contacting said neighbours. If he violates it he would be forced to move out and the possibility of community service or at worse, prison. You guys should think of a law similar
Leave it to the Brits to not only think of but enact such a fantastic law. Problem with that in America is that we’d have to wall off half the country just to make enough separated room for all these freaks and asshats.
I really, really want this to end in the entire neighborhood taking turns beating the crap out of this guy.
Prison is worse but what would worst be? Living here in a country where everybody is the same and everybody is homophobic and hypocritical and believes in fairy tales?
(Sorry, GRLGEORGE, I was being facetious…
Y’know, I thought nationalism was dead but apparently not… There are idiots EVERYWHERE, not just USA, but you already knew that, right? :/)
Sorry for the diatribe, scootergirl. *sigh*
scootergurl…de yanks have firearms..not a lot of need for asbo’s…and lawyer’s who will do the job for 50%, although in this case..book right’s/film right’s…following Paul to his next house….ad infinitum….wow the travell’s of Paul,and the cross he has to bear…
Maybe Paul should put a large wooden cross on his property!
Uh-oh – the house next to mine just went up for sale – hope he doesn’t find out about it!!!!
That “impenetrable” wall should be made of mirrors, because it’s clear he can’t mind his own business.
if it were, he would have to start sending email and phone complaints to himself.
Wow, love this saga. I gotta meet this clown.
I love that the rating on the article, as of this posting, is 111 thumbs up and ONE thumbs down. Wonder who that could be….
It was me. I just like to be a problem.
I would almost believe you – except I know you, and I know that even when you’re trying to be difficult, you have to give props where props are due. And they’re due here. So, hush, crazy lady. Don’t make me build a lawn chair tower.
Oh my gods, he doesn’t even dispute that 90% of everyone around him wants him gone! The best defence he has is that ONE person hasn’t complained who doesn’t even spend much time in the area!
He does not take drugs. Suddenly all the problems seem clear
I like how at the end, Paul talks about how he was planning on moving anyway (and notice he had to mention how great his business was doing).
It’s like Paul was saying, “Fire me? You can’t fire me! I QUIT!”
this is great LOL such outrageousness i love it!
should be made into a movie
Not for a minute do I believe this is real, but it sure is entertaining. There are some insane people in this world. Maybe it is real… Nah.
As much as Paul is a nutjob is John really any more sane for making lawnchair towers in his back yard? John should just just call the freaking police and get a restraining order on the guy and sue his ass. John is just urging the situation on, whch is hilarious for us, but in real life anyone with an ounce of sense would not do.
even I want to help with the buy out…
I hope he doesn’t move just so there are more email arguments.
If Paul really does move, I think he will someday find himself on similiar situation at his new neighborhood. And when that day comes, I hope we get whole new chapter for this saga…
Paul has an excellent strategy, move into a house, annoy the ever living bejebus out of your neighbors, collect the ‘friendship’ incentive. I think that’s non-taxable income!
When he moves out, I hope all the neighbours sit in lawn chairs across the street and cheer him on his way.
definitely not anticlimactic! sooo awesome reading about ALL of the crazy stuff he’s done!!! I had no idea it went that far! garage doors, grass color, bikes parked unobstrusively against a house, nonexistent dogs… awesome. i want to live near this guy.
He should just go with the lawsuit. Srsly.
some of the houses for sale on lhttp://lovelylisting.com/ might just be the perfect place for Paul to move to!
So, noone thinks the whole story is a fake?
does it matter? the entertainment value totally outweighs if it is or not.
I don’t think this one is fake
I think it might be fake. Here’s why;
Reading through the whole email exchange, the setting seemed to suggest a nice up-scale neighborhood. Residents own their own homes, and Paul at least, has a big enough yard for a “Soviet school yard” swingset. Now, all the people I’ve met with mental issues lived in small, low-rent apartments or trailer courts. Think about it, would you expect a guy who’s both a pathological lier and control freak to last more than a month at any job, let alone one that requires brains and education? I wonder if a guy like that would even survive college or trade school. Paul boasts of having his own business, but given his current track record with the truth, it doesn’t sound likely.
Also, note how the email exchange begins with just the lawn chairs, then expands to discuss Paul’s past grievances with John and the rest of the neighborhood. Plus John himself seems a bit overly juvenile (stacking lawn chairs, insulting Paul’s cooking etc). Then there’s the whole “we’ll pay you to leave” bit. I’m not a lawyer (though I do know a guy who has access to smart legal minds, har har) but I would think it would be easier and cheaper to simply get a collective restraining order against Paul, they seem to have plenty of legal cause. Yet while John keeps threatening to sue, he never does.
The whole thing just seems to me like fictional, well-choreographed, escalating comedy.
Still, it’s pretty good!
LOL great ending I love the 7.5% part what an a hole
Have you guys seen this yet? No idea if it’s the real thing or not, but I thought I’d share anyway.
http://www.burbia.com/neighbor-lawn-chair-war-moral-dilemma
Yes, we should have a poll on whether John should tell Jack the truth, or lie & get rid of Paul for good!
I vote lie. Jack’s not a close friend & he’s got more at stake with the other neighbors. Sorry, Jack. Goodbye, Paul!
I’m all for integrity, but in this case I say LIE.
If I had some crazy sonofabitch living nearby, and I could get him the hell out of my neighborhood with one lie, I sure as hell would. So… LIE!
I will throw five dollars in to help Paul move, but I’d rather use it to buy John a beer for his troubles.
so how come we have no pictures of the lawn chair towers?
I have to know more! Any new developments? This story captured me.
Something in this makes me think this is not the end.
YESS. I love this whole thread of emails. These just make my day. Can’t make this sh*t up!
oh dear i need 2 hold my tears back. some poeple are soooo f]cked up.
lol if he does get to prison (I think legally you cant for this, but i dont know shit, it just dosent seem serious enough) it would be hillarous
What you in for
Arguing about Lawn chairs. oh your in for a tripple homicide no kidding! welll im going to be crying in the corner
I really really hope that Paul’s new neighbor is just as anal-retentive and pompous as him, and that they give each other immense grief for years involving lots of calls to the police and their lawyers on stupid shit like having 3 yellow lawn chairs out on a Saturday. It would be a better punishment than any prison cell could provide.
@Sven
You make a good point.
Bahahahah, this is actually the funniest thing I have read in ages! I mean it is gold! John is a crack up guy. *Sighs and shakes head* just gold.
I came to the party late, but this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen!
I do have to say, though, that I’m in the “This Is Fake” camp. Paul admits that his friend isn’t a lawyer (but he isn’t a janitor, either, dammit!) before John mentions him or uses the word, “janitor.” I suppose that a plethora of emails and voicemails could exist that we will never see or hear, but I think it’s more likely that the authors skipped ahead in their storyboard/outline when they wrote Paul’s email of July 31.
That being said, I’m loving this just the same. If nothing else, it’s giving me great ideas on how to deal with the fascists in my neck of the woods.
If you’re really out there, John, go get ‘em!
If not, you’re still a great writer and I look forward to the next installment.
man i wouldve loved to see the tower of lawn chairs go up and the !! garbage cans. people who didnt know what was goin on wouldve thought john was the crazy one.
John should be a politician !!! Good & funny man.
John, buddy, if you ever read these comments, we really need to know about the goings on at this block party, and what has happened recently. I mean, August 10th was the last update? There’s gotta be a good 3 month buildup of crazy to consume…
Ok, next step — build a dozen or so of these in your back yard:
http://hawtness.com/2009/10/20/wtf-girl-photo-i-bet-it-shoots-snowflakes/
I’ll pay you
John, you are my hero! That was EPIC! I just want you to know that I’m going to launch a campaign to raise awareness of your plight here in England, and if you ever come to London on holiday, I want to buy you a beer!
I don’t get it. How is this “John” a hero? Sure Paul’s initial request was a little absurd, but he remained civil through out all this, whereas John has done nothing but hurl insults and threats from the very beginning. Sure, putting up lawnchair towers is funny and all that, but do you think a rational person would really go that far to get back at someone? Even if he’s not really that crazy, he’s clearly fixated with tormenting his neighbor over an incredibly minor slight. What will he do next, burn his own house down? Boy, that’ll show him.
Okay, I’m exaggerating, but it really weirds me out how the admiration for John is universal around here. You’re probably just being funny and enjoying the insanity of this whole debacle (It is pretty entertaining, I admit.) but you don’t actually admire or respect the guy. So I guess I’m over-reacting a little. I’m honestly not trying to troll, but I just want to hear people’s opinion on this. Am I missing something really obvious, like Paul being a crazy stalker or something? It just doesn’t seem like he deserves all this bullsh*t. Respond with what you think, but please don’t flame me just because I disagreed with the general consensus. ^^;
Actually I DO greatly admire and respect John (real or fake) – he doesn’t back down to the outrageous demands, and he only “acts out” on his own property which is none of his neighbor’s business. If somebody were to give me such ridiculous grief through email and phone messages, I’d insult them too. And the threats weren’t towards the guy directly, simply stating the things he would do to HIS OWN property if Paul continued to harass him.
i think you may have missed out on some of Paul’s harassment of John. Have you read the other two installments? There were many reasons to dislike Paul intensely besides one minor request to move a lawn chair (already quite ridculous), which is why John becomes our hero by cleverly getting him back.
…are you Paul?
This letter has got to be from the previous people who lived in my house, to my crazy-ass neighbor! There can’t be 2 of these guys out there!
I would have fun, with a neighbor like that..
I want more lawn chair!!!! There must be more!
There’s money to be made by Paul, if he takes this offer to his new neighbourhood: “They’re paying me 20000$ to move over here, can you top that?
Why, oh why does this remind me *so* much of Curb Your Enthusiam?