God Smites eBay Sellers You Know
Ever ordered something from someone on eBay? Ever take two weeks to get it? How about every single time? But I know how this guy feels. I once had to wait 8 minutes for my Jumbo Jack with cheese. I wrote a letter twice as long as this. But I didn’t mention genitals or Hell as many times.
ATTENTION: Ryan alkdfddgdf (aka: fraudulent scammer):
On May 1, 2009, a Pete Rose signature grill (Pete Rose (Signature Series) Roto-Grill!
• eBay ID: akjflakdjflaksdjf) was ordered from your Ebay auction. Along with that order was payment through debit card. Our bank shows you received $79.00 from our account on May 4, 2009. We have not heard from you regarding this order, its shipment, or anything. We have made repeated attempts to contact you through Ebay, and you have not responded. It is beginning to look like a fraudulent listing. If this is the case, every attempt will be made to get law enforcement involved. We have already been working with Ebay to start a case against you for your lack of communication and this seemingly fraudulent item posting. You got the money, as per the agreement. Up to this point, you have not upheld your end of the agreement by shipping us the item that we paid for.
Aaannd, scene! This is where a normal (if misguided) complaint letter ends. We paid you, give us our stuff, or we’ll go to the authorities (yes, in 2009, eBay is “the authorities”). But alas, this is not emailsfromnormalpeople.com, so here we go. A warning: people named “Ryan” may find this particularly offensive.
You have lined your pockets in an unsavory manor and apparently have no desire to communicate with us about this order or the fact that you have no intention of shipping the item we bid on and paid for the day the order was placed. What kind of racket do you run? You know, living in Utah, I would have thought that some Mormon values would have entered into your business practices. You are not an upstanding Mormon at all!! Hmmmm…Where in the Hell is my grill?! It does not take 15 days to ship something from Salt Lake City to Cheyenne, Wyoming!! The distance is not that far. I bet you scam little old ladies who live on limited incomes, too. Do you do that, Ryan? You are one of those people who do not believe in honest work for honest pay, are you Ryan? Funny thing, I have a friend named Ryan, and he is a low-down, dishonest, shady character, too!! What do you suppose the chances of that are? You know, greed is one of the seven deadly sins, and it is quite clear that you are a greedy Godless person who does not care in the least about being dishonest and greedy with people. You obviously do not have any pride, which by the way is another deadly sin…but being so consumed by greed, you will surely burn in Hell for that deadly sin which you practice so well. When you are burning in Hell, I hope to be burning food on my Pete Rose Signature Grill. I plan on grilling a meal to commemorate you as you burn in Hell. First, I plan to grill the very tiny little smokies to signify the tiny wand between your legs that you use to screw people who send you money for products thought to be legitimate. I will also grill two very shriveled up raisins to signify the very tiny balls you have. I apologize if you are a eunuch (and I am half guessing you are), in which case, you don’t have any balls to signify with raisins. If you are, indeed, a eunuch, I will replace the raisins with thin slice of tuna to signify the flat void you have between your legs. I will burn each item sufficiently to match what you will look like as you burn in Hell!! Now, that we have the niceties out of the way, WHERE IN THE HELL IS THE GRILL THAT WAS ORDERED OVER TWO WEEKS AGO?! You should already have a map of Hell and should be able to locate the grill quickly…that is if you know how to read a map. Do they teach that skill in fraud and scammer school? I bet you were valadicklesstorian of the class, weren’t you, Ryan?! I could go on and on, but I am pretty certain you won’t respond to this email, either.
Sincerely,
Non-Hell Dweller
So does this mean no “A+++++ will do business again”?
Submitted By: Doug and Shawna D
This is great. I would do the same thing.
“Now, that we have the niceties out of the way” Ha- I’m still trying to find the niceties. Nothing a good dose of Clozapine delivered depot style couldn’t fix!
don’t drag clozapine into this!
and this is why I stopped selling on e-bay.
Wow. I’m sniffing out a mental illness here…
This is why I hate selling on eBay. Always a nutjob going to report you.
Valadicklesstorian. Ha.
Well, Ryan could have avoided this by just sending the grill or at least let the buyer know the reason for the delay. Sorry, but this site is devolving into people that cause themselves to be the recipient of crazy e-mails.
this reminded me of this:
The Ebay song.
Holy cow! That’s some first-class nuttery, right there. I see there’s no mention of when/if the grill was actually shipped, though. The nut does have a point, even if s/he went waaaaaaaaaaaay the hell over the top about it.
@powermuffin
I have to agree with you. People being scammed left and right, dealing with people who are slowly driving the sane insane… fuses are short, and the patience to bother writing a mature letter is becoming pointless when dealing with so many inconsiderate people.
Hmm, first of all that ceremonial first cookout sounds delicious. I like my tuna medium, please.
Also, I’m curious as to where this came from. Could it have come via eBay..or Ryan himself?
I agree that the letter writer is freaking out too much, but I both sell and buy on eBay and two weeks is waaaaay too long to wait for a shipment no matter what you are sending. The norm is to mail the item within 48 hours of recieving payment, and the vast majority of people will communicate regularly with the buyer as to how long it will take to get the item. This looks like an irresponsible seller who wants to lay blame directly on the buyer, when the seller is really the one who is in the wrong. People do tend to get very emotional when they don’t recieve what they ordered.
Can’t help notice there’s no date/time on the letter. Over the top definitely, but how far depends on how long he was waiting for the grill.
Wonder if he ever got it?
Having pride is one of the deadly sins not not having it.
Silly Non-Hell Dweller always wanting to burn representation of people…
I think we may have found the first crazy person to make it onto this website with decent grammar.
Oh yeah, craziness from my home town of Cheyenne! Don’t mess with the cowboys, son. I do have to side with the buyer for the simple fact that it shouldn’t take 2 weeks to get your item without any communication from the seller.
So did he get his grill? I think if Ryan had just responded to his 1st civil email, he wouldn’t have lost his shiz!
By ebay standards, this guy isn’t that crazy, this probably was just the straw that broke the camels back. I have a friend who sells plant on ebay and occasionally he’ll get disgruntled buyers that are crazier than this guy. Here’s a recent example:
In November 2008, some lady bought a plant from him and she complained that it died 3 weeks after she recieved it (F.Y.I. if it took that long to die, it was from poor care). Since he runs a nice business, he refunded what she payed for the plant but made it clear he doesn’t refund shipping (because the shipping fees didn’t go to him). She didn’t send anymore emails complaining so situation resolved, right? WRONG! Ten months later, out of the blue, she sent an email complaining that she wasn’t fully refunded, even though he made it clear that he doesn’t refund the cost of shipping.
I like how he repeats “where is my grill?” as if Ryan will telepathically tell him as he is writing this. I don’t blame the buyer, though he clearly goes way over the top.
If it is indeed “Ryan” who sent this in – I must say, two weeks is an awfully long time to wait for something to arrive in the mail when you live in the same country. If you’re too lazy to mail things in a reasonable time frame, you have no business selling crap on Ebay.
The person who wrote this email is indeed a banana, but the anticipation of a bbq cookout drove him bananas Ryan. Mail sh*t on time!
Although this guy went a little overboard I can completely understand where he’s coming from. I was ripped off on ebay last year for over $400. It was very tempting to go bat shit in my messages to the seller but I held back because I figured it wouldn’t help my case. I ended up getting reimbursed through paypal’s buyer protection so other than a few headaches I really ended up no worse for the ware. Still, this guy’s reaction is probably not unwarranted.
This is clearly a case of ebay nuttery! Having said that, PayPal usually covers items not shipped. This purchaser, after having made several attempts at contacting the seller and documenting those contacts, should just report to PayPal and allow PayPal to do the rest. I am assuming PayPal was involved as it’s about the only way to interact with credit card payments. Also the purchaser could just allow his bank to work for him. Many outlets to get your money back, it can be a hassle, it can take some time, but proving your just as nutty as the seller only makes you out to be a dimwit as well!
@Laura
Shame about the spelling, though. “You have lined your pockets in an unsavory manor…”. Unless the writer somehow knows that Ryan lives in a run-down mansion, where he spends his days making minor clothing repairs.
I’ve written worse than this. I’m just “normal bat-shit crazy” woman-insane. Ryan should have sent his crap on time. Mr. Bananas was obviously bananas by knowing so. You do not screw with a man’s grill.
Worth a read; but without the complete lack of command of the English language, abusive rationale and off-kelter issues like the rest of the crazy people on this site, this gets a thumbs down.
I think sometimes, crazy does also mean stupid.
Please can we go back to basics..LAWN CHAIRS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t use ebay myself, but it seems to me that when I ship something to a buyer, I would provide the shipping number. Then the buyer could rant at the shipper all he wants. Not replying to requests for updates without providing any shipping info seems to have invited the crazy to visit.
c’mon this is just funny. I don’t think the guy is being serious and it’s really pretty hilarious
I agree that Ryan brought this on himself to some degree. The letter writer clearly has a screw loose, but if he’s made “repeated attempts” to contact him through eBay and has been ignored, then Ryan is lousy at providing customer service. I typically only buy knitting and craft supplies from reputable sellers on eBay, so maybe my experience is different from people who by random stuff from high volume sellers. But every time I’ve ordered something, I’ve received a note from the seller, completely unprompted, that my item is in the mail once it’s been shipped.
@Whisperia
Of course, I meant “buy” and not by. ‘Cause I talk English good.
Idea: everybody drink whenever he says “burn” or “hell” or “burning in hell.”
Pete Rose makes me lol! Pete Rose products endorsed or not make me piss my pants!!!
Isn’t Wrath a deadly sin too? I guess they’re both going to be roasted.
Don’t you wonder how stupid they felt when the grill showed up the very next day with one of those notes from the Post Office apologizing for the unforeseen and unavoidable difficulties in delivery? Must have been even worse when they finally thought to check their spam folder and found that an overzealous spam sensor had flagged the username of “akjflakdjflaksdjf” as “must be spam,” and that Ryan had been replying to them all along giving them the shipping info and trying to help, providing his cell phone number and wondering why they weren’t calling…
“When you are burning in Hell, I hope to be burning food on my Pete Rose Signature Grill.” One of the funniest things I’ve ever read in my life.
“I plan on grilling a meal to commemorate you as you burn in Hell.” And then one of the most disturbing.
This might even top the epic lawn chair wars and the crazy girlfriend who forget her boyfriend was backpacking through Europe.
This is one of the funniest things I have ever read! Ebayers are nuts. I just went through an incident where a guy from Thailand bought a item on the Saturday of labor day weekend, and emailed me on Monday that the shipping was too slow and I was scamming them. Needless to say, I no longer ship to Thailand.
Even if “Ryan” deserved an angry email, you still have to admit, the fire and brimstone rant is definitely the words of a lunatic.
Heh, the next time I’m gonna sell something on ebay, I’m gonna send it too late on purpose. Hopefully I’ll be getting an e-mail like that then
I am so sad and frightened that I live within 500 miles of either person in this email.
So the lesson here is: don’t buy from Ryan alkdfddgdf. So wouldn’t that make Ryan the crazy person for sending this in?
phrase of the week: “WHERE IN THE HELL IS THE GRILL?!”
i’m getting it tattooed on my back next week.
I’m sorry but imho nothing can top the idiot girlfriend.
And who in their right mind would think that “alkdfddgdf” wasn’t a fraudulent screen name? What a schmuck! This email should be on emailsfromstupidpeople.com
o.O
It’s more coherent than half the screennames of people I’ve bought from o_O
I have some bad experience on ebay. Now I stop buying and selling on ebay anymore.
I’m sure the alkdfddgdf was added by the people on this site for privacy reasons. As I’m sure the ebay id of the item isn’t really akjflakdjflaksdjf.
Anyone else feel the second half of this was penned (ie FAKE) just to get submitted onto a site like this one?
It sounds like a scientologist angry version of Mojo Jojo
DRINK!!!
This guy seems to confuse “good Mormon values” with good Catholic values. While Mormons are opposed to stealing as much as every other Judeo-Christian, I don’t believe they’ve ever given serious consideration to the Seven Deadly Sins in so many words.
I got a totally different vibe from this. I think the writer was clearly amusing him or herself more than attempting to seriously communicate with the seller. Probably they had already written it off as a hopeless case and sent the e-mail to amuse themselves. I thought it was pretty funny myself.
Then again, if the writer was being serious, that’s pretty crazy.
@your_mom
Oy! uff da!
@Cho
I laughed so hard at the valadicklesstorian, too! I <3 Ghostbusters 2!
somehow I’m not sure God is pleased with “Non-Hell Dweller’s” letter. It is a wonder that “some Mormon values would” not “have entered into” his “practice”
“I have a friend named Ryan, and he is a low-down, dishonest, shady character, too!!”
Really? I sense many poor choices in this man’s life….
As a (ex) buyer and seller on ebay…
It is hard to say who is crazy.
I mean, yea ryan should have messaged the buyer with what was going on or shipping numbers, but you should ALWAYS wait for a payment to CLEAR before shipping an item.
I have been burned on both ends… I once sent an item before the payment cleared and the buyer claimed he never ordered the item and Ebay gave them their money back (Fortunately I had all the emails and tracking numbers saved to prove my case and got my money back)
And I have purchased an item, was in contact with the seller about their slow (nonexistant) shipping, and 61 days later filed a complaint.. (after 60 days ebay does nothing for you)
Moral of the story… dont use ebay.
This man is hilarious!!!!
“When you are burning in Hell, I hope to be burning food on my Pete Rose Signature Grill.”
HA HA HA
I’m glad to see other people siding with the “crazy person.” I mean maybe he’s over reacting a little, but he’s right. Two weeks is too long. When I read this one I just thought he may be a little crazy, but the dude who sold the grill is an asshole and deserves to get a crazy email. Hopefully this site doesn’t veer off track with more posts like these. It’s really not very entertaining to read an email slanted as crazy when the person has every right to be upset. Maybe if there were a little more back story to this… such as the item had already been shipped and the dude looked like an ass because he wrote this angry email for no reason… then it’d belong here.
Personally, I’d sell something to the “crazy person” before buying anything from Ryan.
They call him “godless” like it’s a bad thing. It’s the ones that believe in god that you need to watch out for, they’re the crazies who talk to imaginary people in the sky that they think grant wishes.
“You have lined your pockets in an unsavory manor” made me laugh really hard and is an insult I plan to use at the first opportunity.
Yeah, I actually thought the email was funny and the whole thing had a very sarcastic tone. Of course I’m not fond of Pete Rose, but yeah, good times. I have bought stuff on ebay that the seller has taken far too long to process (PayPal+checking account=no need to wait for it to clear), like where I have bought items a week apart and the item I bought later arrived first. It’s just lousy and if you actually do ebay as a main source of income you should really be more on the ball and courteous about these things. But great email.
My name’s Ryan too! The Buyers right, all people named Ryan are shady
HAVING Price is a deadly sin… not having any pride isn’t.
This reminds me of the Big Lebowski when Walter is like “Is this your homework Larry…Larry…where’s the briefcase Larry?” hahahaha. This shit was hilarious!
Getting one of these buyers is funny but having one after another is what put me off eBay permanently.
Well, if he is burning steaks on his Pete Rose Signature Grill while Ryan in burning in Hell, it probably won’t be on the one he bought from Ryan. It’ll be on the one he bought when he never received the one from Ryan.
…”valedicklesstorian”…
awesome.
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Why cant e-bay sellers just ship shit in a timely manner? It’s not that difficult. I get pissed when people don’t respond to my emails on ebay, especially when they don’t send me something that I technically OWN in the time frame they’ve given me.
Is that crazy? No, I think it’s a normal human emotional response… and it’s called frustration.
How great would it have been if the guy e-mailed back and was like “Im an athiest” *end of e-mail*
I don’t think anyone’s saying that the buyer’s anger is unjustified. What people are saying is that the way he chose to express his anger–his…interesting description and odd assumptions and fantasy cookout–are utterly insane. XD Justified, maybe. But insane.
And who knows? Maybe the seller did communicate. The buyer may not have received it, or his spam filter caught it, or he;s lying through his teeth. You never know. All we have is his side of things. XD
Non-Hell Dweller was right, but only kind of. In truth, ALL eBay buyers and sellers are Hellbound. No, really, it’s in the fine print. Satan can be a bit of a motherfucker in a capitalist environment.
“Ever take two weeks to get it? How about every single time?”
Not really, not at all… It only takes that long if the item is being sent from the other side of the world, and this was not the case.
It looks like the seller is trying to blame the buyer while he/she was not doing his/her job correctly. The buyer freaked out a bit, yes, but it’s the seller’s fault and they damn well deserve it.
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My favorite line of the whole thing: “When you are burning in Hell, I hope to be burning food on my Pete Rose Signature Grill.”
Really sorry for this comment but, that attack (well deserved) on Ryan was so funny – I had tears in my eyes with the description, The guy was so angy and the description of his frustration was fantastic – sorry about the grill mate but thanks for the humour!! Paul – Australia
The guy didn’t get his grill and some jerk took his money I would be angry too