I’m Not Dramatic Just Because I’m Dying Of Mysterious Ills!
Young love. How quickly it flares and fades. After a mere three weeks, Emmy was ready to move on. Jason asked to remain friends and she reluctantly agreed, IF he’d leave her alone for a week to cool down. The next day, the emails started…
From Jason May 10, 2008 at 11:18 pm
I guess the weeklong silence and everything you said to me was a lie. I’ve had some friends tell me they’ve texted you and you apparently thought I was an overprotective ass..
From Jason May 10, 2008 at 11:23 pm
but honestly I did. But considering how you never called or texted me back convinced me that in fact YOU didn’t want to be friends with me or even talk to me.
Why don’t you let me know if you want to be friends. I called and left a message. You never called back. Anybody would assume ignorance
From Me May 10, 2008 11:53 pm
I told you I didn’t want to talk to you for a week. And I meant it. FOR THIS EXACT REASON. You are I are both way too sensitive right now.
And who the hell told you that I called you and overprotective ass? Because I NEVER said that. I have been totally honest with why we broke up. When someone has asked, I give them the EXACT reason why I cut it off, because you were too dramatic for me. I told you that too.
And of course I want to be your friend Jason. I still care about you, but we cannot talk for a while. We both need time to cool down. You are extremely sensitive right now. In a week or two, I think we will both be thinking more clearly and then we will be able to be friends and talk and stuff, you know?
From Jason May 11, 2008 12:18 amEmmy, I can’t do this. I’m going through a very stressful time right now. My dad and I are both suffering from a very bad health condition that every male on his side of the family has suffered from and my case is the worst of all because i was the most involved in sports.
I’m sorry for even have calling to offer you friendship cause then none of this would have happened. I should have just left you alone how you wanted it to be.
Btw, I’m not dramatic. If you think I am then you don’t know me at all. If that’s what you told everyone..they know I’m not. Idk where you got that from. You were having a stressful day and I just wanted to ask. The stress dialated the situation and that’s how it ended. I’m not a fuckin pussy, alright. I told you I hate drama. I hate how were fighting and it kills me that we are. So just..please.
Two of my BEST friends had bad breakups and this condition is news to me although I suspected something. I’m having the worst week of my life right now and its only going to get worse.
I’m sorry. I just reached my breaking point this week and I’m gonna ’shut down’ soon. I can’t handle anything right now.
You think it’s over? It’s not over . . .
From Me May 11, 2008 2:03 am
You are right. I don’t know you at all. We were not even together a month. All I know is what parts of you you showed me. And several of your actions were dramatic in my opinion. What happened that sunday was my “last straw”. I had seen you do things and say things that created unnecessary drama several times over the course of the 3 weeks we were together. When you sent me those messages sunday, it was what made me realize, that drama just seemed to happen too often while we were together. I decided that the drama that seemed to come from you regularly was something I didn’t need. If you tell me you hate drama, I believe you. But all I know is what you did and said while we were together, and that is what I based my decision on.
And don’t guilt trip me. I wish I didn’t have to say that again.
“I’m sorry for even have calling to offer you friendship cause then none of this would have happened. I should have just left you alone how you wanted it to be.”
That is a guilt trip and I do not deserve it. I was honest about still caring about you and I was honest about being your friend. And you know that.
From Jason May 11, 2008 at 10:15 am
what my dad and I have cannot be fixed and there are no medications for it.
What you said about you believing me for being undeamatic was a complete lie…because that is exactly why were not together. I mean, its that simple. Its what happened.
So..I’m done. I’m sorry I drove you over the edge and caused our breakup. All I know right now is that you think I’m too damn dramatic and that were not together and perhaps…you done even trust me. Everything I say is from my perspective so idk why you think you should feel guilty. But if you think that those FEW times I ‘flared up’ were enough to drive us apart then that’s fine. All relationships aren’t just a walk in the park. I considered out little confrontations very minor. If those were what overrode everything I ever said to you when we were together that truly hurts.
Alright. Idk if you still want to be friends after this. Cause honestly, my health condition is that bad. For all I know I could die from heart failure tomorrow considering my stress.
Emmy stopped responding at this point. But far be it for something like silence to slow Jason down.
From Jason May 13, 2008 at 10:34 am
but I just realized after a nice shower..that this convo right here was nothing I wanted. You obviously heard my voicemail..I hinted nothing like this. All you could say was a yes or a no and we could have just moved on from there.
I mean..you say you trust me and care about me but yet you’re bashing me for being to dramatic when we were together. I’m..baffled, to say the least. Tell me, do you care about me at all? Cause this is really colliding with your blows to me being dramatic. Its either the one or the other. But you can’t say I broke up with you because your dramatic and turn say I care about you tons. I don’t understand. If you can help me understand that would be umm..good.
From Jason May 15, 2008 at 10:54 am
Ok seriously. I call an abrupt stop to this stupid argument. I feel like its making both of us doubt and have negative thoughts on the past when we were together. I’m gonna step out on a limb and say that neither of us want to hate the past because of the present because the past was, for me, an experience of a lifetime.
So..let’s just not talk for however many weeks you need in order to take care of yourself first. Just let me know when your ready and I’ll be here.
Submitted By: Emmy P
@crazyemails
If this is a disease that every male from the beginning of time on his side of the family has had, surely someone in between the primordial ooze phase until now might have realised sports like exertion wasn’t a good thing? Maybe it’s a really bad case of tinea pedis with a smidge of heart based hypochondria. Advice to Jason: make sure you have a specific, breakup nulling disease name to hand if you’re going to play that card.
Howzabout ebola? No one ever plays the ebola card…
Well, he doesn’t want to overplay it, right? He needs something serious enough to get her running back to him but also that just requires a lot of bedrest and girlfriend-nursing rather than having to fake hospital admission
True, quite true…
Swine flu, perhaps. Or something less contagious… oh, I’ve got it! Kidney stones. Painful, often recurring, and worsened by stress.
There you go, Jason. We fixeded it for u.
My wife just got over swine flu. She’s been calling it “hamthrax.”
best. name. ever!
I’m going to use that today. That’s just awesome. Your wife wins the internets.
‘Hamthrax’ I love it! Up to now I’ve just been calling it ‘Bacon Flu’
The Baconic Plague”?
hahahahaha i love it!
Smallporx?
The Porking Disease?
I was just lumping all the animal-named diseases together into “farmageddon”, but now that I’ve got the swine flu, I think hamtrax is very appropriate.
P.S. Don’t get the swine flu. It sucks.
It’s the Piggy Plague!
Ha! Farmageddon. Brilliant.
I call it Baconsumption. xD
“Hamthrax” is awesome! I’ve also heard Hamageddon and Swinetanic. LOL!
My coworker calls it heiny (like HiNi?)
Your wife does win the internets! I’m definitely going to use it now.
The Measqueals!
Or maybe Apiginsideus? A bit of a stretch, but hey.
I’m liking ‘oink-barf’ – stolen from the Vlogbrothers
Porkinson’s disease?
My History teacher calls it Huno-Nuno XD
Bacon fever…
Your wife got hamthrax because she didn’t get the right oinkment. Now, with your avian flu, you just need a little tweetment.
baby, the doctors say that it’s…….repetitive stress disorder. It doesn’t look good.
And the repeating stress is being caused by constant breakups which are caused by his overwhelming fear of failure.
No, you see, what you need is to take two last names and add “Syndrome” to it. To wit: “Honey, I’m dying of Smith-Wesson Syndrome. I keep shooting myself in the foot.” Something like that. She won’t look it up because either she’ll believe you or she already made up her mind not to be with you so she doesn’t care.
Oh, excellent. Now who knows what ‘mister or mr.’ is in Latin? Because then I can go round saying I have ____ – Kipling syndrome which requires me to sit in bed all day and eat little cakes (adding: I suppose this is only good for a laugh if you’re in the UK)
Yahoo answers is happy to provide you with a translation:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090812080207AAt7mVN
ok, I love that’s it’s clearly a Latin Q as in et tu brute but the person at the very end offers up Mr and Mrs in Portugese. LOL
Well, I’m across the pond and I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re talking about. This is not surprisng though — most of Monty Python’s humor escapes me, too. I’m dense like that sometimes.
Oh, I was just being stupid – Mr Kipling cakes. I figure it could sound terribly important if you swap out Mr for the latin, double barrel it and + the syndrome. Sad part is most people wouldn’t catch on, I bet.
Ah, the dream of being a stand-up comedian is crushed. Back to the salt mines
Nah, you’ll be fine — just weed out the dullards like me from the audience and you’ll be good to go.
Erus Kipling Crustum Syndrome… a.k.a. Lord Kipling Cake Syndrome…Does this suit your needs?
Erus-Kipling Syndrome sounds good. I think I’d leave out the Crustum – I think people would want to give me a wide berth for the next millenium if they heard a word that made them think of reaching for the ointment
*grins* actually, i’m in the us and found your kipling creation quite amusing…
my latin teacher calls himself “magister”, it means mr/doctor/teacher/professer, etc. magistra is the female.
I’m blaming that syndrome for the next time I shoot myself in the foot. Sad to say, that happens a lot.
Well, it’s never Lupus.
LOL! We are going to need a Lumbar Puncture stat.
Hah, true say
I was going to play the ebola card on the little forms they give you to fill out in customs (”no TB but I had a bad case of ebola after visiting the Congo last year…”) but despite the couple of discrepancies inherant in that statement I was advised against it. Apparently customs don’t have a sense of humor.
Ebola?? Nobody expects Ebola!!!
actually, I do. ALL THE TIME. while I’m bleeding out of my eyes.
A breakup nulling disease name? Damn, is that all I needed? I’ve been so wrong for so long….
He is gay, he just wants to know if you have any brothers.
I know it’s hard, but please try to be coherent.
How about Male Pattern Baldness? …
HA HA HA!
This has nothing to do with anything, but I’d like to mention that tinea pedis (for everyone who was confused by the fancy lingo) is simply “athlete’s foot”. It’s a fungus, and neither genetic nor sex-based. Also, hypochondria is a psychological condition, and can’t be “heart-based”.
Takes all the fun out of it when you have to get out the charts and diagrams…
Thanks for the explanation. I had assumed that “tidea pedis” was an insinuation that Jason has a tiny penis.
lol, so did I.
Wow – Im sure when PT Barnum said ‘…there’s one born every minute’ that he wasn’t talking about people with no senses of humour, but I’m also sure everyone will make an exception in your case. I think you missed the point of everything.
Also, they don’t call me Dr. Nick Riviera for nothing
I’m sorry, I honestly wasn’t meaning to be offensive or humorless or whatnot. And really, it probably -was- pretty hilarious to most people, because most people tend to read the specific conditions you offered as “some random disease”. If you actually know what the fancy lingo means, though, what you said didn’t make as much sense as it really could have and that’s why I personally didn’t find it that funny.
Making assumptions about me though, especially based on roughly three lines of text, is pretty rude, doncha think? If I were a doctor and encountered a random person who knew what I meant when I said “tinea pedis” or “Ara-C regulator gene” or “balantidium coli”, personally, I’d give them a high-five regardless if they liked my joke or not.
Actually, I think knowing what “tinea pedis” means makes it even funnier. I *do* know what hypochondria is, and heart-based hypochondria sounds like the perfect description for Jason’s illness. So lighten up.
If you found it funny, that’s okay. It’s also okay if people don’t find it funny. I’m not here to judge. I threw out some info in case people were confused, and got my shit jumped. I didn’t realize my comment would be so offensive.
In any case, I remembered “hypochondria” being a psychological issue, but looked it up just in case. I read all the definitions offered, and none of them said it could be a physical problem. They all proclaimed, more or less, that hypochondria is a condition in which a person constantly suspects they have some illness or other (which is what I thought it was in the first place). If I missed something though, my bad, sometimes dictionary.com doesn’t have all the answers.
I actually find the overly-dramatic comments to this post even funnier.
I really hope this comment isn’t taken the wrong way, though, because I was just trying to make a humorous observation. If you get insulted, well…I don’t know why you would do that. I mean, I was just kidding. Who are you to JUDGE ME??!!!
Okay. I didn’t mean to go all caps. When did this comment go wrong? Can’t we just go back in time to when it was good? Why do you have to ruin everything I do?
By the way, I have heart lupus and genital ADHD, and there is no cure. So thanks for making my last week on earth so horrible. I still love you!
Of course hypochondria is not a physical problem. I think if you are too literal, it is impossible to have a sense of humor, too. You would probably make a good accountant. Or engineer. And that’s good. People don’t want accountants and engineers to have too good of a sense of humor when it comes to doing things like filing tax returns for their companies or building bridges across lakes.
lol, you fail!
No, they call you that because you’re a dentist.
Jk, I wouldn’t know…
Dying. Not dramatic at all.
Um… Emmy? Some unsolicited advice — stay away from this one. Far, far away. Douchebag drama queens do not make good friends (and, as you quickly discovered, they don’t make good boyfriends, either). Maybe you’ll luck out and his “medical condition” will put him into a coma.
But he totally said he wasn’t dramatic!!! LOL!!! At least he rescinded the offer of friendship which puts her in a better position. I sense a followup stalker series of letters coming…o.O
…. which could then be followed by a series of restraining orders!
Which could provide us with good entertainment?
I’m easily entertained, so hell yeah.
She should give him another chance to ruin her life, because nothing says “I’m not dramatic” like telling your ex you have a terrible disease and want to be her friend, but only if she TRULY wants it, and tells you time and time again…
Nice.
Indeed, Emmy. Don’t answer his texts, don’t answer his emails, don’t answer his calls, and start carrying pepper spray.
Firefly, this is good advice for Emmy. He’s a Stalker In Training if ever I’ve seen one.
This guy reminds me of my ex-boyfriend, I agree with UGH run far away from this guy!
On a side note, I wish we could hear the voicemails!
This reminds of me after every girl I’ve broken up with.
Sorry Lydia,
I didn’t mean to send you all those hurtful messages, i was going through the drunk phase of my life and have learned from my evil ways… if there is a way you’ll take me back, I promise i won’t cause anymore drama… i’ve changed, i swear…—<3..
I hate to break it to him…but the only person having an argument is him, and its all in his head!!
Then let me do it. I’d LOVE to break it to him.
You know out of the many bfs and gfs I have went threw I’m glad I never had this problem. I guess driving them to breaking up with me was a good deal, and hell a few of them are still some of my best friends. Though the way he acted there I would say take YEARS to get comfortable enough to talk to him and be friends.
The best thing emmy could do is to tell him to go and have that heart attack. Show that she doesn’t give a fuck, because overdramatic pricks that use disease as a guilt-trip to attempt to get someone to stay with them deserve it.
Emily did the right thing, stay away from this drama squirrel.
ps. Firefly, I’m going to steal “hamthrax” and pretend I came up with it. I feel like its only fair to tell you.
My wife tells me she got the “hamthrax” name from someone on Facebook.
The “Baconic Plague” is all me, though. ;D
Oh, I’ve totally dated my fair share of InsaneJasons. And probably several other people’s shares as well.
yeah responding to personals from people who say they are just “visiting” Bellevue is probably not a good idea either.
Run Emmy, run! This guy is two steps away from turning into a stalker.
I just picked up on ‘…the past was an experience of a lifetime’. Why, I do believe the man is onto something quite profound.
being dim, but how are you folks with avatars actually shoving the things in the little boxes
I don’t see a profile settings anyway.
or anywhere, even.
Here is how I did it: go to gravatar.com and create your own account. You can upload a pic, crop it, and gravatar will provide a URL for you. Paste that URL in the website line above the reply space and you then have your own gravatar (global avatar).
I’m sure there are other ways, but this is the only one I know off hand.
let’s see if I did this right.
excellent! Thanks UGH!
I’m seeing if this works.
Crazy!!
Thankyou for posting that for the world to read UGH.
Let’s see if it works for me.
Or not.
I dated someone that did the same thing when I tried to break it off!!
Yes, RUN!!! I wonder if he might suffer from schizophrenia, I hear that’s hereditary. Possibly bi-polar disorder?
P.S. Firefly tell your wife she’s absolutely amazing for coming up with “hamthrax”
She technically dint come up with it, but she’s amazing for similar reasons.
Oh!!! What a good husband.
Hamthrax…ROFLMFAO…That was funnier than the post
i got bipolar disorder. it doesn’t make you any more irrational than the average nut (and after successful therapy they’re much more emotionally intelligent than this guy). bit of a foul blow from Cadessa if you ask me.
Cadessa might want to show she knows something about her subjects of ridicule before making jokes about them (otherwise you sound like you’re earnestly joking about how crazy it is that jews believe in the trinity).
I dunno, I’ve met some pretty crazy Bi-Polar people, so while the majority may not be crazy there are always exceptions! I’ve learned you can’t typically make generalizations about anything anymore… :/
(like meeting fairly “sane” people with schizophrenia, or positive people with depression…)
You don’t think bipolar makes you irrational? I would describe the manic phases I have seen as proof-positive that bipolar makes you irrational.
I had a boyfriend like this. After a month of dating, he wanted to see me every single day, as well as call me 50 times a day. I finally told him that we could either take a break and I’d see him in a week, or I could break up with him then and there. He said “Yeah, we should take a break. So..Did you want to do something Sunday?” This was on a Friday.
I have an ex like this, too. I told him I wanted to go to college somewhere, and he indicated that he would kill himself if I left.
I left.
He’s currently living across the street from my dad, so I guess I wasn’t that important after all.
“but I just realized after a nice shower..that this convo right here was nothing I wanted…”
Ewww… I know what he was “up” to in the shower and including to it in his weird-oh manipulative crazy-mail is just creepy. Like, what would be the purpose of mentioning it??? Brain bleach, please.
I had a boyfriend like this, too. I figured it out after only three days, though… when I told him I no longer wanted to see him (or be seen with him!) he made up some sob story about his grandmother just dying, and how broken up inside he was, and how losing me would probably make him kill himself. Luckily, I was good friends with his brother, who told me that their grandmother was perfectly fine, and how he’d tried that on other girls too.
For the next two years, he still followed me around like a stalkerish puppy… This type of guy is the type they invented pepperspray for.
You should have told him you’d date him if he took you to his grandmother’s funeral. I wish him luck faking THAT.
Ugh I have known WAY too many guys like this.
You know, before the internets, the only way a guy could stalk you was in person, or by leaving creepy notes on your car. But now with cell, text, the internets – crazy men have WAY too many outlets.
Actually, when I first started dating my wife, I left notes on her car. I guess they weren’t creepy, though.
(She told me leaving notes on her car was fine – but if she ever saw me peeking under the stall dividers in the womens’ restroom, she’d have to draw the line.) ;D
I have been that guy. Well, maybe not quite as extreme, but when I was in my 20s, that was what I did. Didn’t know any better. Didn’t realize I was creating my own misery. So maybe he’ll grow out of it.
On the other hand, I could spell when I was his age…
OMG. Emmy and I were dating the same boy, only i was stuck with him for 2 years and his name was Paul, and he said he was going to die because of his heart condition every day, and his only cure was alcoholism. No one said i was intelligent in my early 20’s.
I should post our break up emails where he repeatedly says how cold and “cuntish” i am for destroying him, then in the next one says he loves me, SO MUCH! He just wants me back and we can forget all this, and in the next one that he is dying, the doctors told him, there is no way around it, and then in the next one how i can “fuck myself” because i’m an “evil whore”…
It must work on someone.
I had a very similar ex boyfriend too! I dumped him because he had a drinking problem and we decided to be friends.
Three months after we broke up and I started seeing someone else he called me at 4 in the morning to accuse me of being a whore, tell me he loved me, cry about not giving him a second chance, accuse me of leading him on by being his friend, threaten suicide, then call me a whore again.
LOL…Warning, Alcohol consumption can lead you to believe that your ex is really lying awake at 4 in the morning waiting for your call….
Bahahahahaha wow.
I love how he’s like, “Let’s not continue this arguement” when she’s not even emailing him anymore. He’s just arguing with himself.
Lemme guess.. he’s suffering from terminal early male pattern baldness???
Hmm…. wait, I think I found his problem….
immediate postprandial upper abdominal distension!
Becky’s a Trekkie!
From the comments that have been posted, and my own observations, this is no way unusual – that someone who has just been dumped is being overly emotional and dramatic about it and won’t leave their ex alone? Seriously? Half of America could post emails like this – either as the sender or the receiver.
Do you ever notice that there are never any posts here from men of emails that stalker chicks have sent them? It’s not because they don’t exist – in fact, it’s more common that it’s the female who insists on “processing” endlessly about the relationship even after it’s over. Perhaps, though, guys don’t feel the need to project their relationship dynamics onto the world stage for everyone to read – maybe it’s because we don’t read gossip magazines.
If “Emmy” truly finds Jason’s drama something she would prefer not to think about or deal with – which is totally understandable – is the logical next step to broadcast it as far and widely as possible? ‘Scuse me, but there’s something a little hypocritical about that.
Ahh Sanity.well just let me tell you blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah lah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah….YOUR NOT Even Listening ARE YOU !!!!
Jason? Is that you?
Can’t be. This guy can spell and construct a complete sentence.
Way back in time, when I was law school, I had a constitutional law textbook and I would write “asshole” in the margins next to every instance of Justice Rhenquist’s name. I’m thinking of implementing a similar thing on the interwebs, ‘cept I’m thinking of posting “douchebag” after every one of your posts. Dunno. I’m on the fence. Thoughts? (I’m sure you’ll share your thoughts whether I want them or not.)
Funny, I’m in law school now. And I want to do that whenever I see Justice Cardozo’s name.
Really? Sure, he was no Holmes, but Palsgraf was classic. Do you have an issue with torts (or proximate cause) or something?
Contracts… I never worked in the private sector after college and a lot of the business nuances go over my head. My prof wrote the book and is friends with the guy that wrote the second restatement of contracts (yes, he is that old) and every once in a while he’ll ask the class, “why do you think the author put this case in here.” And my first thought is, “I don’t know, why don’t you tell us?” Don’t get me wrong, I love the class; but my basic reasoning on private contracts is somewhat limited to consideration and making sure the requested action isn’t illegal. The first one we had with Cardozo was Allegheny College v. National Chataqua County Bank. In which he grasps for a straw to support what he just wants to do. Torts isn’t so bad. I just want to get through this first year and move onto criminal law which is the field that I’ve been working in for almost five years now.
Ah, contracts. Not my favorite. I get it now.
Torts was one of my favorites — I always viewed it like the pop psychology of law school: that is really where you gonna find the fucked up things that people do to one another. Constitutional law was another favorite (Rehnquist notwithstanding). On the other hand, my federal income tax class sucked the rearmost tit, with real estate transactions coming in a close second.
Just remember — all of the crap you learn in law school is only needed for the bar. After that, it is all meaningless drivel. The only thing law school is really useful for is teaching you how to think a certain way.
Thanks man. I’m taking it the slow way, so it will be many years of that thinking.
Seriously, the more I think about it, the more your response puzzles me! I can think of some obvious lightening rods (Rhenquist, Warren, Brennan, Marshall — really any of the hard core conservatives or liberals), but Cardozo? It would have been a long list for me to get down to him!
Every case we’ve had where he’s written the opinion there’s been a dissent where the professor grills on both the dissent and the opinion. Plus, the opinions I’ve read from him have almost a circular logic where I just want to scream, “will you just say what you mean already?” And for most of the cases that the prof put into the book, its because he believes the judge got it wrong. Which means, you don’t really know what the professor wants as right until you show up to class. Liberal or conservative judges don’t bother me as long as I can figure out what they are trying to prove.
Besides, I’m a 1L and I’m going part-time, so I’m not exactly well versed in all the different opinions out there, yet.
I strongly recommend obscene quantities of alcohol after class and, depending on subject, the same beforehand. The irony of showing up utterly shitfaced to the required “substance abuse” lecture in our ethics class was priceless.
Hee hee hee. Unfortunately, most nights after class I have to work all night as a police dispatcher/9-1-1 operator. Showing up to work drunk would be a VERY BAD idea. lol…
Hmm. I tried something similar, but instead scribbling ‘boring old fuck’ next to Socrates’ name during my classic philosophy lectures….only got as far as 3 before I almost fell asleep
There’s the spirit!!!
zzz zzz zzz…
For a real insomnia cure try a macrobiotics lecturer who sounds like David Attenborough on valium. The only time any of us perked up during those lectures was when he randomly threw on a clip of “Life Story” with Jeff Goldblum. Christ we had to be bored…
Ha! Profs like that can be frustrating because they have some of the hardest tests and you can barely recall what was said in the lecture.
The Fact that you are on her e says your never went to law school.
eh? Coherency fail.
I love you. I would do the same thing.
Ah, you went to law school. That explains why you have nothing better to do than hang out here and post mindless ad hominem attacks. (I know you probably don’t know what ad hominem means, but you’ll probably find it in those dusty law books of yours.) Seriously, if after a law school education the best you can do is to call people “douchebag” and “asshole”, you should ask for your money back.
Douchebag.
Hmmm…. that wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be. Seriously though, I apparently missed class the day they taught equivalancies for douchebag and asshole. I did, however, attend class the day they warned me about pretentious fuckheads — they’re everywhere you know, particularly now that any retard with a typewriter and an internet connection can create their own blog. But hey, you’re just trying to inject some sanity into the conversation, aren’t you?
Aw c’mon man, American media taught us all we need to know on ad hominem attacks. Where we would be each election season without a little good ole fashion character assassinations???
So… pretentious… can’t… breathe… aaaaaaah!
Douchebag. (just testing the waters)
Asshole…(testing the waters)….feel like I’m fishing using Tourettes!!! Awesome btw….although if you really wanted to just get downright nasty with someone who feels they are so much better then the rest of the world and “understand” the “pain and suffering” this future psycho is feeling…calling them a cum-guzzling gutter slut works. But thats just an opinion…I am tired of ppl wanting to turn the person who is the offender into the VICTEM……..WTF???? Oingo Boingo’s “Only a Lad” is a wonderfully upbeat little ditty about what happens when you continue to pat the offender on the head and tell em its ok, will get that mean old person who begged you to leave them alone…how mean they are, that person who got the restraining order because you were following them everywhere…How sad they don’t understand “your love”…ARGH……
As a female who prefers Private Eye to any gossip rag, I ought to take mild offense…..but I just don’t care
I second that
No, not really. We’ve probably been on both sides of being dumped when we weren’t ready to end it or dumping before the other person caught on. We might have sent or received communications that were unwanted afterwards and maybe cried and/or drank too much. However, it takes a special sort of messed up person to claim that they are dying in a futile attempt to get their ex-girlfriend-of-one-month back and repeatedly refuse to even give her a week’s break.
See, this is where people who might be a little off themselves are weeded out. Sure, everybody does a little of this and that, but when you can’t see where and when it’s crossed over into CrazyTown, then you just might be a local resident.
Maybe it’s not unusual for someone with the emotional maturity of a 10-year-old, but this guy is supposedly an adult. Also, the whole guilt trip over the illness thing is clearly crazy, dontcha think? I’ve dumped people and been the dumpee, too, and I’ve never experienced anything like this from anyone nor have I ever even come close to behaving this way myself.
and this reply didn’t nest under Sanity Injection’s post. That’s who I was replying to.
Actually, it did nest under his post — just way far down.
Sorry Sanity, I have found MORE insane females than males when it comes to relationship crazy. Males just tend to be less subtle about it, and thereby LOOK worse. Women are usually the more dramatic, scary, and infinitely hang on longer than guys. Just because there are people who think they ‘don’t’ do this kind of thing, they get away with it longer.
Because golly gee, women are ‘emotional’. That’s all it is, nothing ‘psycho’ about that….
and another thing blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah lah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah so what do you think……………
douchebag.
I liked your idea, Ugh.
haha
Mark Wingate i love you
and this thread was a great time waster ^_^
i would love to know what male-specific illness this is that can cause a sudden heartattack through stress/exercise. how have more men not dropped dead from this…? ehh?
Small penis syndrome, the heart attack comes from realizing that they have one on a daily basis, but for some reason, still have to sit when they pee. I can see that being a genetic thing running in every male of the family.
wut? small penis does make sitting and peeing easier, but regardless of wang size – sitting and peeing is more comfortable, and an excuse to read a magazine…. basically just turn every bathroom visit into a life changing shit break.
Maybe he feels very insecure about it tho???
don’t be so transparent when you are trying to manipulate. but most importantly, there is a difference between “your” and “you’re”. it makes a big difference in formulating an effective argument.
Hahaha all this after 3 whole weeks.
I was thinking the same thing
Can you imagine how bad he would be after a long-term relationship?
The only ‘crazy’ aspect of this trite exchange is that the person who received these messages kept them archived in some form for more than a year, apparently, before taking the time to edit them together into their present form.
If she didn’t save them, *she’d* be crazy. She needs the back-up for requesting the restraining order when he goes bat-shit-stalker-nutso on her ass (and for proof that he should be involuntarily committed when they catch him loitering outside her house in spite of the restraining order).
How is it crazy to be entertained by crazy? Crazy is very entertaining. Isn’t that the basis for this site?
She kept the e-mails because they were entertaining.
I think the disease he has is Stalker-Douchebaggery Syndrome. It is, basically, Karma working it’s magic.
OMG – That guy needs to pull out his tampon and take a Valium or something. Sheesh. Drama queen. “I may die from my heart condition tomorrow…” ugh. Whatever man, just drop dead somewhere else. Weiner Schnitzel boy makes me want to punch him for being such a dramatic weiner. Ugh…
I’M NOT DRAMATIC!!!! WAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
I was stupid enough to MARRY an asshole like this one (I was young and sooooooooooo stupid!). God, it brings it all back. Stayed with that fucker far too long because he told me he would kill himself if I left. He almost did (held against his will on Suicide Watch for two weeks at a mental hospital). After two years of him fighting every move I made in the divorce (took more than two years, no money, no debt, and no kids – had to go all the way to court), I wish he had!
Congrats…do you have any crazy e-mails from him?
Congrats on getting him out of your life that is.
Actually I do. Maybe I should sent them in
He’ll see them online, though, and say, “I saw you kept my emails. Does that mean you still love me?”
Most ridiculous part…
“Ok seriously. I call an abrupt stop to this stupid argument.”
Haha yeah, real abrupt. After she started ignoring your lame ass two emails ago.
Son, I have bad news.
We both have a severe case of Stupidity.
And it can be fatal.
I just thought I’d let you know that, and that there’s no such thing as a cure for Stupidity. We shall surely die.
Be strong, son, be strong.
hahahahahahahaha
Now, let’s be fair. This kid sounds like he’s probably an emo, which means his Dad probably finds him just as laughable as we do.
…but i bet he’s got a mean fringe, and those plasters to hide the “scars” are just so hot…
OMG, like, please save me the teenage drama! Cuz like, I totally had enuf of that when I was all young and hormonal, like seriously!
And on a separate note, doesn’t Emmy realize that she’s being just as dramatic? Because it seriously pained me to read through this whole thing waiting for the “crazy” revelation. Epic fail.
where is emmy being dramatic? she’s just restating exactly what she needed from him and telling it straight and open and addressing his concerns (while ignoring the crap).
i think the crazy is not so much a revelation as a constant and sudden “wtf?” everytime you hear the guy bounce back an email. you THINK that after she states in plain english all her reasons for everything that he’d understand “oh! i’m too dramatic to be a boyfriend, but after a week, we can be friends!”, but then in the next mail a whole OTHER lump of crazy hurls at you.
I’m reminded of Edward and Bella. Methinks that the hereditary disease is being a vampire. Being dumped makes vampires emo. And whiny.
This is the best sentence ever emailed:
“My dad and I are both suffering from a very bad health condition that every male on his side of the family has suffered from and my case is the worst of all because i was the most involved in sports.”
Best ever.
My dad used to play the heart condition card when he was dating my ma.
And these e-mails kinda look like the ones my ex sent to me , except that he can’t speak english. lol.
“117 comments? Wow!” I thought, “Let me check them out.”
Can you believe close to half of them were from the same three people? Let’s have a shout-out to t-rex, eggomania, and UGH. You three posted 16 comments apiece for a grand total of 48 comments! 48 of the 117! That’s a new record! And along the way, we learned about Latin conjugation, law school pranks, gravatar creation… just fascinating! It might be more than this audience can handle, though, so may I suggest you consider exchanging phone numbers or opening some AIM accounts? Thank you.
Thank you dono! I thought it was just me. And more kudos to you for actually COUNTING
This is a public site without any rules about the number of comments people can post. Who do you think you are, telling them what to do? Arrogant much? I suggest that you take your busybody ways somewhere where they will be appreciated.
Hush you. I’m a big fan of t-rex, eggomania and UGH. And since the interwebz tends to be deader than Jacob Marley at 6am EDT, I appreciate their prolific posting.
Blast you, now you’ve outed my fandom and they’re going to think I’m a batshit crazy stalker like what-his-name with the unnamed horrible disease why girls shouldn’t break up with him. (Guys, I’m disease free if you want to break it off!!!)
(Oh and I’m totally stealing the hamthrax thing, too.)
Just testing the gravatar thingie
Shucks Karen, it’s always nice to have fans. Glad to be entertaining to you!!!
dono 1 I suppose that with a name like do no 1…u dont get a lot of action..so revert to slaging of peeps on web sites……….we thank you 4 your contribution to replies from bat shit crazy people….yay……………………
Seriously? This from the guy who writes bad pun after bad pun on pictureisunrelated and hawtness? Go fuck yourself dono1. You just annoyed me before with your juvenile semi-retarded puns, but now your true douchebag nature surfaces.
And did you really count the number of posts? OCD much? Must. Count. Posts.
Suck it.
p.s. Suck it again.
I’ve followed this site for a long time and like most people, I enjoy reading the comments people post about the featured email, mainly because they’re usually funnier than the email itself. My complaint is that it’s frustrating to weed through a bunch of unrelated conversations and nested replies just to get to the real comments. That’s all. Have you ever looked at the comments section on Failblog? It’s a chat room now and I’d hate to see the same thing happen on this site.
UGH, it’s fine with me that you don’t enjoy the comments I post because I honestly don’t need your approval. Some food for thought, though: when people resort to swearing, cursing and name calling, they’re really just emphasizing their inability to communicate in a more intelligent, coherent way. In other words, they’re revealing a lack of creativity and a limited vocabulary.
(@ “I am not a number!” That applies to you, too.)
So, you’ve followed this site for a long time and you presume to know what most people like. Ok, that establishes your superiority complex. And you find it frustrating to weed through a bunch of unrelated conversations and nested replies just to get to the real comments? Reading is hard, isn’t it? Almost as hard as skipping over comments you don’t want to read (like I have to do every single time you post something). Well, all of that establishes your inability to skip over what you don’t like to read (and, as a bonus, it establishes the fact that you are very good at whining about trivial stuff). Are you also one of those people who fail to understand that they can change the tv station when something they find objectionable comes on? I’m guessing yes.
I am so very glad to hear that it is “fine” with you that I don’t enjoy your comments! Whew, I was worried about that. Did you notice though that, even though I loathe your puns and other stupid comments, I’ve never bothered to mention it before you decided to flame here? That’s because I’ve learned to skip over what I don’t like. It really isn’t that hard. You should give it a try. Seriously.
Finally, thanks so much for your thoughts on swearing, cursing and name calling! I’ve been longing for such a lecture for such a long time, and you have made my day complete. You truly are a godsend. God bless you my child. And by god bless you my child, I mean suck it. Hard. Asswipe.
UGH, you’re right. You have been really nice till just now. In dono1’s defense, I have read his/her posts and he/she is a hero on some other sites (I think it might be thereifixedit. I’m not sure.).
If you are going to go into site comparison for ICHC…I’ll throw down. On the actual ICHC site, the comments are written in such a fashion that I have to sound nearly each one out to know what’s going on. And most seem to be written by high schoolers that like making up words. On failblog, I have no idea what led up to it so I’m not the best at figuring that stuff out and people tend to be more into puns and one liners. On WTF pics, the comments mainly revolve around whether or not the photo was shopped or not. And thus you are probably are graphic artists or computer guru to understand them. IMMD is for those that love to be sarcastic. But this site attracts those that like to argue. And name calling doesn’t get thrown out unless you have made a coherent argument and roll with the conversation that the thread starter opened themselves up to. It’s just the character of the site now. Just like all of the ICHC sites.
the comments on ICHC just make my head hurt trying to decipher them! the joke is probably that they’re all linguistics professors ;-D
lol…I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe they are trying to make an official lol-language.
check out the lolcats bible…that can be some tough reading, and it’s from a book a people already know!
Oh, we already opened up AIM accounts. We’re actually in the middle of discussing how best to organise your intervention
Sanity Injection:
“that someone who has just been dumped is being overly emotional and dramatic about it and won’t leave their ex alone? Seriously?”
I feel sorry for your ex partners if this is how YOU react when you get dumped. For a start, he was dramatic from when they started dating. Furthermore, they were only dating for 3 weeks. He kept emailing her when she asked him not to. He tried to guilt-trip her by saying he would die from stress. Then he did a 180 in an attempt to make himself look superior, when in reality it was Emmy who requested he STFU in the first place. NOT normal behaviour, even if the guy is 12 or something.
“Do you ever notice that there are never any posts here from men of emails that stalker chicks have sent them? It’s not because they don’t exist – in fact, it’s more common that it’s the female who insists on “processing” endlessly about the relationship even after it’s over.”
It’s likely Emmy kept the emails in case he turned into a serious stalker. Also likely she found EFCP.com and remembered that she had perfect crazy material to submit and dug them out. I doubt she’s been thinking about this non-stop for the last year. Anyway, if you hate that type of gossipy stuff, why are you here? Supply and demand.
“If “Emmy” truly finds Jason’s drama something she would prefer not to think about or deal with”
Where did you get that from? She doesn’t want to date the guy, it doesn’t mean she’s trying to erase him from her memory. See my above comment about digging the emails out for EFCP.com.
And my final point. Look up at the address bar in your web browser. Now, ignore all the text at the end, because that’s not important. Look at the start of the text. No, after the http:// bit. Now, read to me what it says there. Uh-huh. “Emails … from … crazy … people … dot … com.” That’s right, well done.
Emmy has off-kilter emails, which some might say are from a crazy person, for want of a better phrase. That’s why she submitted them. Don’t overthink it, you might hurt yourself.
Kudos, Lila.
This guy is craazy. And if not crazy, at the very least extremely pathetic.
dono 1 u missed 1 it’s 17 from ugh………………
@ dono 1
Is that you in the letters? Maybe that is why you are being so reactionary. Let people live their own lives and get one for yourself to live while you are at it.
You are just crevice sweat that needs to be wiped off the crack of the Earth.
This is only funny if it’s never happened to you.
It’s very sad in a scary-pathetic sort of way.
I’ll second that. A good month ago I would have been laughing. Now I’m just wincing. Here’s to hoping “Jason” didn’t develop the assholish stalker streak my ex did.
i have a horrible sickness too, its so bad that when i’m like ninety i’ll just die. there’s no way to cure it and doctors are so stumped by it, they call it ‘mortality’. brutal… anyway, who wants my babies while i can still make ‘em?
I wonder if he is dead yet
The funniest part of all this is the catalyst behind Jason’s breakdown. His intitial flipout was over Emmy taking a bite of food from someone else’s fork at a Prom dinner where Emmy was his date. Emmy then realized she was dealing with a toolbag and the don’t-breakup-with-me-I’m-dying-of-a-disease-whose-name-escapes-me saga began.
Eh, I think this one is borderline.
Teenage boys tend to act like idiots when it comes to their first few relationships. That’s because forming, being in, and ending a relationship are new things to them, and (unlike girls) they don’t seek emotional support from their male friends.
With any luck, Jason will grow into a normal adult man who will wince whenever he recalls how much of an idiot he acted like when Emily broke up with him.
If no one reads this then I will die…if you love me read this and answere..if not I will hold my breff till I go red/blue in de face and it will be all your fault..and I only hope you can live with yourself after I’m dead..cos I really love you allthough i will hate you if you force me to die..its up to you..you said you cared and i trusted you,and then you answered another’s email and ignored mine you know who you are…and another thing why have you taken to wearing red you know it sets me off and the docters said no red but you dont care do you..and anotherthing why have you stopped eating meat,you know how that turns me on watching you with a bucket of KFC..got to go the witch is at the door,and i’m not ready…and another thing wh
I read your crazy rant and will be submitting it to the moderator of this site as a crazy e-mail! blah blah blah blah blah…
I’ve now written 5 replies…and hopefully this one won’t also be put into moderation.
thats it i’m dead…and its all your fault.I’ll wait a little longer..no I wont…well just a bit o!! fuc
I wrote a reply it’s still in moderation. o ye of little faith.
I wrote two replies, and they are both still in moderation. Thanks a lot man, you got big brother spying on me now.
I wrote three replies and they are all in moderation.
Holy shit what a whiny little bitch. I’m not talking about the girl!!
Awe.Some.
God, if only I could set up a website where people could post where crazy exes go through the stages of grief in a series of voicemails… Those aren’t as much fun as a series of emails but you get SO much more emotion.. and sobbing. always the sobbing.
Good times. Thanks, Emmy, for posting this! I feel you.
When the ex who left you for another chick has the revelation that “Hmmm, maybe that wasn’t the best of ideas…maybe I should rethink that..” and begins stalking you USING the chick who he dumped you for to follow you around…as well as calling and leaving messages that involve various stages of sobbing( my favorite is the sniffle sob….where it sounds like their sucking up a gallon of snot between the I Love you comments and You Whore…good tiimes) to eventually have them show up at your new boyfriends house on his doorstep sobbing hysterically wanting “just to talk”…man those were the days….really…good times, miss him..sigh
I kept checking to see if his name was really Andy. Reads an awful lot like my IMs from hell.
Jason sounds exactly like my ex….We dated for two weeks, and broke up about three weeks ago….He has since sent written four songs about how much he misses me and thinks I’m ‘the one’ and how no one understands him but me. Oh yea, and usually some form of begging me to give him another chance despite the fact that he has made no effort to get rid of his anger problems.
I had a Jason… named Greg. He used to give me mix CDs with breakup songs already built in, just so I’d know what he was talking about when I left him (to go to college in another state) and he posted long rants in his LJ about how I was a lying liar who lies. Not to mention when he made a point of calling me to say he was getting an MRI because his doctors thought his schizophrenia (always a great quality in a long-term companion) was being caused by a brain tumor JUST LIKE HIS DAD HAD!!! I’d met his father, whose long-ago “brain surgery” removed so much of his brain that he needs frequent maintenance surgeries to keep him alive. Surely, thought Greg, the rumor of this affliction would make me come running back to his time zone!
Once he emailed me to ask if he should accept a hundred-thousand-dollar offer to go to some European medical research facility and have his brain studied for a decade or so. Sometimes I wonder if I should have told him to, but at the time I was forcefully ignoring him. Ah, well.
This is the most stupid and pointless argument I have ever read.
humm. all the more proof that vagina really screws with a man head. thats why im gay… and sane! lol
Was it lupus?
wow. I went out with a guy called Jason when I was 18 – and these emails REALLY ring a bell. heh. What a guy.
Wow… sounds SOOO much like my ex that it’s not even funny. It could be his clone. Scary. Poor girl
Teenagers are fucking gaywads.
http://probablybadnews.com/2009/11/23/funny-news-headlines-its-a-crippling-disease/
I love all the funny swine flu names! They made me laugh so hard I got tears in my eyes.
Lupus! He has lupus! Oh who am I kidding, it’s never lupus
Damn…I dated this guy (or at least the sitatution seems all too familiar)!!!
Well just let me tell you blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah lah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah lah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah so what do you think,O really well
just let me tell you blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah lah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah………. Thats it thats the way that it is,so………..
Reply
why the hell would you post this? you dump him then post his emails online that is some psycho crazy shit right there