Fart Party?
Hindsight is 20/20. Even when it comes to old emails. David was clearing out some older emails and was surprised to see how silly he sounded in retrospect. And what’s a repentant crazy person to do? Share their meltdown with the world of course!
Customer Service Inquiry:
Request Date:02/18/2009 18:58:22
Customer Name:David S
Customer Email:[REDACTED]
Customer Phone Number:[REDACTED]
Order Number:***********
Order Date:02/05/2009 00:00:00
Recipient Name:Lasarita
Category:Feedback
Comments:My girlfriend received your flowers on 2-14-09 and was very disappointed!! The roses were a darkish color and limp, she followed the instructions that came with them and yet just 12 HOURS LATER!!! They were DEAD the rose buds had flopped over , turned brown and resembled some like the tether ball sets you find on a play ground. THANK YOU FOR PROVING THAT IN STEAD OF GOING TO A COMPANY I HAD SEEN ADVERTISED FOR YEARS AND THOUGHT SEEMED REPUTABLE, I, NEXT TIME SHOULD GO TO MY BACK YARD PICK SOME DANDY LIONS, SMASH THEM WITH MY FOOT, PUT THEM IN A BOX AND WRITE “1800 FLOWERS ON THEM” BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!!!!!!! thank you very much for you time, David S
From: 1-800-FLOWERS.COM Customer Service
To: david s
Sent: Wednesday, February 18, 2009 4:44:57 PM
Subject: 1800flowers: order # ********Dear David,
Thank you for contacting us.
We deeply apologize for this inconvenience. We have to inform you that we can send a replacement for you. Please let us know if this is ok with you.
If you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us at the address listed below.
Sincerely,
Raul L
Sales and Service Specialist
Original Message Follows:
————————To have my satisfaction regarding this transaction one or both of the following to things must happen.
1. You can jump into your time machine, find whoever put this bouquet together and beat him with said bouquet. Have someone else make my girlfriend a new bouquet (under threat of meeting the same fate of the latter person) and deliver them.
2. Give me my money back.Thank you
David S
From: 1-800-FLOWERS.COM Customer Service
To: david s
Sent: Thursday, February 19, 2009 6:01:18 AM
Subject: Re: 1800flowers: order # ******Dear_David,
Thank you for contacting us.
I am very sorry your girlfriend’s flowers were unacceptable. We have issued a full refund.
If you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us at the address listed below.
Sincerely,
Deborah R
Sales and Service Specialist
Original Message Follows:
————————when will i be reciving said refund
From: 1-800-FLOWERS.COM Customer Service
To: david s
Sent: Thursday, February 19, 2009 12:13:27 PM
Subject: 1800flowers: order # *******Dear David,
Thank you for contacting us.
We have reviewed our records and have confirmed that we have issued a full credit to your account. The credit will appear on your next billing statement. We look forward to serving your gifting needs in the future.
If you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us at the address listed below.
Sincerely,
Monica O
Sales and Service Specialist
Original Message Follows:
————————
next billing statement? what in the holy jesus does that mean? my bank sends me a billing statement once a month, are you telling me i have to wait a month to get my money back? what are you guys doing, sending it one penny at a time? I also have reviewed my records and they say your company sucks!
From: 1-800-FLOWERS.COM Customer Service
To: david s
Sent: Thursday, February 19, 2009 12:57:56 PM
Subject: 1800flowers: order # *******Dear David,
Thank you for contacting us.
We apologize for the inconvenience, and truly understand your disappointment. Our goal is to build a trusted relationship with our customers by providing them ease of access, tasteful and appropriate gifts, and superior service. Unfortunately, this time we failed, and that is why we will forward this to the appropriate department so they can take actions and prevent this from happening again..
Once again, we apologize for any confusion or inconvenience this may have caused you. We look forward to serving your gifting needs in the future.
If you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us at the address listed below.
Sincerely,
Monica O
Sales and Service Specialist
Original Message Follows:
————————
WAIT A MOMENT!!!!!! I never gave you permission to share these emails or any other information with ANY of your “departments”, i know what your doing! Your passing these emails around like a drunk girl at a fart party and giggling at my misfortune. Once again you guys have proven you don’t care about the every day people who you rip off to keep your company afloat.
From: 1-800-FLOWERS.COM Customer Service To: david s
Sent: Thursday, February 19, 2009 1:24:20 PM
Subject: 1800flowers: order # *********
Dear David,Thank you for contacting us.
All the emails you have sent have been handled in secure mode. Secure mode means that all information is sent encrypted to prevent any kind of issue. Your order is important to us, as is protecting your information. We sincerely apologize for any confusion this may cause you.
If you have any other questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us at the address listed below.
Sincerely,
Monica O
Sales and Service Specialist
Fart parties are pretty fun, if I remember correctly. But my favorite part of this one is “I also have reviewed my records and they say your company sucks!”
Submitted By: David
@crazyemails
After reading this I know I could never work in customer service for 1-800-flowers because I would have told this guy to go fuck himself after his second e-mail.
I have to applaud their self-control at not saying they wouldn’t go with the time machine option to fix the problem. Or just telling David that no one can possibly take his ranting seriously anymore after spelling fart for frat. All arguments collapse right there
or not saying they would go with it, even.
had a similiar issue with the same company, they delivered valentines flowers a day late. They are bafooons, after sitting on hold for an hour that day to complain, I finally email and they offered me a $10 refund and a 10% coupon off my next order, like I ever want to order from them again. I called Amex and they killed the charge…
This guy sounds like my husband when he talks to customer service. =|
Your husband sounds like a dick.
Yes, sometimes. Only with customer service people though, it’s very odd. It pisses me off when he does it =|
“Your husband sounds like a dick.” That was a really mean thing to say to some total stranger… but I’m sure that every single person that read her comment was thinking the EXACT same thing.
I used to work in customer service. Sometimes a-holes would harass me, and then rationalize that it’s ok because they’re only mean to customer service people. That’s like saying “I’m a really nice person… except to small dogs. I’ll punt a small dog like I’d punt a football… but I’m still a nice person.”
LMAO, Mark.
Sorry, but this guy is just a jerk. So the flowers were unacceptable, so you got your money back. Get over it already.
The guy is a moron also. When they refund your credit card it is usually pretty fast and when they say it should show up next billing statement that means that is when the bank will let you know if you dont know how to use online banking.
Yeah – a big part of the problem was the guy’s failure to understand that “your refund will be shown on your next statement” is not the same thing as “you won’t get your refund until your next statement.” The money was already in his account – it’s just that the card issuer will only tell him the details of the account once a month. He could have gone and looked, but he was being an ignoramus.
I feel like this is a fake — seeing that it was David who submitted this…
In the guy’s defense, 1-800-flowers is pretty terrible. I ordered some ‘get-out-of-trouble’ flowers for my girl after some minor screw-up last year. Instead of delivering to flowers on time, the fight dragged on for two more days and the flowers finally arrived, delivered by a possibly drunk man at 10 pm… after I had already managed to calm her down and we were… uhm… making up.
DUDE. TMIgeddon!
At which point she should have dropped you again when you went through the trouble of buying flowers but were to cowardly, or lazy, to deliver them yourself.
LOL, here’s hoping this was a learning/growing (no pun intended) experience for you, David!
Hey Lonn, I checked the website again and found out this place isn’t actually Emailsfromrationalpeople.com. Maybe you meant to go there instead?
HAHAHA! emailsfromrationalpeople.com … sounds like a pretty boring website.
good zing Ranger Joe. good zing.
David, kudos on accepting your craziness in e-mails. Perhaps we can find you a support group soon. What is a fart party though? Do a bunch of guys get together drink cheep beer and eat lots of sliders and then smell what happens? Or is that a frat party minus the keg stand?
I hate hwen customers get their way and should be 100% satisfied, ie. got their money back and continue to bitch and moan.
While I agree that David was over the top in his “bitching and moaning,” I can also see how simply getting your money back wouldn’t necessarily make it all better. He doesn’t say what the flowers were for, but if they were for an important event, such as an anniversary, etc., it could have ruined the day/evening for them. It shouldn’t have, but it could. I don’t think it is so much about the money or the flowers as it is about the sentimental value of the occasion. Again, this is all based on the conjecture that the flowers were for an important date/event/whatever. If it was just a random surprise then he really should be happy.
Well he says that they were delivered to her on 2/14 (aka Valentine’s Day) so my assumption it was for that holiday.
And really, it wasn’t as if they were DELIVERED dead! They just..happened to die..shortly after.. Yeah.
But still! I work in Customer Service, and pretty much at the point where I issue somebody a full refund, I want them to shut their mouth and walk away.
I can agree that it would actually be annoying to see money “credited” to your account with the shop instead of being placed on the credit card. I think David wanted clarification about how he was going to receive his refund. I mean, if I was credited money to an account opened at 1-800-FLOWERS instead of immediately being placed in the bank account that I used, I’d be a little miffed too. (Which is the form of refund the 2/19 letter from 1-800-FLOWERS implies.)
_
It’s like getting a store credit to an antiques shop, you don’t know if they are ever going to have something that you want in the future, but you still have $50 there waiting for you to claim in merchandise that you may not want.
Aaaand to use the plethora of C.S. information jammed into my brain again: It sounds to me as if they were talking about his -bank- account, not his -store- account. When a customer gets a refund back on their card/back to their bank, the money is credited back onto/into it.
The fact that they talk about his billing statement is what tips me off.
.
What a lot of people don’t realize (And this is -not- directed at you, this is just a general “did you know”) is that the money transfer takes time to process from the business to the individual.
Companies can’t promise a certain date, say three days, because holidays/non-business days/system issues can come into play. Saying that the money will appear on the next billing statement is a safe way to say “We sent your money, and by the time you realize that you got it, you’ll already have it!”
The problem with that choice of words is that it confuses the consumer. By saying that “you’ll see it in your billing statement” for a service you only intended to use once is misleading. The statement assumes that the person will either be using the service again in the future, or they will receive a billing statement from the company in the future. As a matter of semantics, it would be safer to say, “we are generating a refund to the account that was charged in payment and that refund will appear in the next 10 to 14 business days”. I personally always ask for clarification on refunds, full or partial, because I want to know: how will I get the money, will I be required to use this service again to use the fullness of the money and what has the company deemed as a reasonable amount of time in me receiving the money?
If a customer can’t figure out what they meant by them saying it will appear on the next billing statement than this guy has no idea how banks and credit cards work and his card should be taken away. the e-mails form 1-800flowers were professional and made perfect sense to any intelligent person and if they confused you or him then please do us all a favor and stick with paying with cash and never order off the internet.
You know Galad, I’ll be laughing my butt off the day that you get swindled. The first two questions you should ask in any payment coming to yourself is when and how. Just because you’ve always succeeded in refunds doesn’t mean that will always be the case. Lemme guess, you also don’t read your warranties and contracts that you sign. But hey – I like money and apparently you don’t. Maybe it’s because I work for mine.
I learned two things from this email exchange:
1.) David is an asshole.
2.) It looks like I should shop at 1-800 Flowers. Their customer service is impeccable!
-Farseer
I agree. They stayed calm, did everything to could to make him feel better, superior customer service. In fact we have a habit (as i work in CS in my company) of sending each other examples of good CS and this is one that i am planning on forwarding to our Toronto office
I don’t know, I thought his replies were hilarious, not crazy.
They’re not very funny because he’s repeatedly haranguing the people who apologized very straightforwardly and tried to make amends for their mistake.
It’s a nice novel idea to pick some “dandy lions” instead of the old plain dandelions. Usually lions don’t like to be picked and they might even bite your head off if you try to, but the dandy ones may be behave differently. Either way the girlfriend will be pleasantly surprised.
_”I thought his replies were hilarious, not crazy”
Let’s agree that they’re hilarious in their completely inappropriate craziness.
But if we agree, are we going to lose our entertainment value in discussing the outrageous levels of each part of each e-mail??
I suspect that dandy lions are quite dapper with spats and slick back their manes under top hats and perhaps even wear monacles. They probably frequent bars where they chat up the most fashionable lionesses and offer cigarettes out fancy, engraved cigarette cases. In other words, dandy lions are like Oscar Wilde. Only lions.
Why, I think his girlfriend would have loved a gift of dandy lions instead of boring old dead roses.
LMAO!
Stop…you’re going to make me fall off the couch!
That doesn’t sound like Oscar Wilde at all… surely you are thinking of a Fairy Lion?
don’t forget he mentions stomping on them too.
if memory serves, that’s how Linus pronounces them on Peanuts! I looooove Dandy Lions.
I’m totally throwing a fart party.
Looks like a couple of customer service reps handled David before kicking him up to a supervisor (Monica). All seem to have handled him about as professionally as possible. That’s nice to see from a corporate entity.
David’s submission also underscores my point from the previous entry that under the right circumstances, most of us have probably written a crazy e-mail or two. Personally, the time machine one was my favorite
This is hilarious, and I’m so glad that the author has realised it and submitted it himself! Kudos David!
It’s awesome that David sent these in. I sort of want to go through my old email now and see if I can find any where I’ve flown off the handle …
me too! I’m sure I have a bunch of crazy, drunk, and crazydrunk e-mails.
Or, better yet, crazy teen-uberdrama e-mails! I’ve had the same account since I was 17. Might be fun to see how stupid I was a decade ago…
sorry david but you sound like a cheapskate who forked out on flowers and then kicked up about them ‘dying’ so that you could get your money back as you didnt want to pay for them. i have worked in all kinds of customer service for various different industries and this one is a classic. the company cant disprove the flowers died. its a win win for you. hope you spent the money on some more flowers for your girl.
I agree. The flowers were probably fine, David the grifter here probably wanted to save some money. Cheapskate.
Excellent point.
Actually, a person can take a digital picture and send in proof, easily, of the condition the flowers arrived in. Not saying he did, obviously, but it can be proven.
How f&%kin stupid are you Davey Boy………..”On your next statement” simply mean that you’ll will see printed proof of the refund NOT that you haven’t actually been credited back already!! What a prick!
You got your money back…relax dillhole.
Fuck that guy. Refunds take a few days, but the bank isn’t going to send him a statement the second funds are credited. It’ll wait til the next statement to show that. How old is this dude? 12?
WOW. I’m a bitch when I have to be to customer service (after working for the cable company for 2 years, you learn how to give it back), but that’s beyond even me.
“Thank you for contacting us” must be code for “Will you SHUT THE FUCK UP already?!”
David, thank you for letting us laugh AT you WITH you! I’ve worked in customer service answering emails and I guarantee that this one was read out loud to a cubicle-mate. I bet it gave them both a good chuckle, making the time go a little faster to the next smoke break.
He’s just upset because these were “I’m sorry” flowers after he cheated on his girlfriend, got herpes, and his girlfriend found out and didn’t dump his ass. Unfortunately, the flowers that arrived were just as pathetic as him, and his girlfriend got a clue and finally ended it.
Maybe he’s so pissy because his girlfriend dumped him.
Sorry David, it’s not the flowers’ fault! lol
it’s really funny because now that you’ve posted this there are tons of floral delivery ads next to the article
And they’re for teleflora, NOT 1-800-Flowers.
So… if i write a crazy email I can be put on this site?
Oh sure… Provided you don’t mind being eternally hated by the eggheads here.
What if the flowers were for freaking out and losing his temper? Irony, ironic…
Guy’s crazy for sure, but not in the original e-mail so much. 1-800-FLOWERS is pretty much crap. We attempted to use their service for mother’s day and not only did the flowers arrived late, they were dead when they got there.
Although, you know, guy should’ve been damned happy to get his refund so fast. We had to argue for a while before they even offered us a partial refund.
I have never personally had a problem with 1800-FLOWERS and I have used them a few times. I agree that the emails from their customer service department exhibit outstanding customer service. I prefer to use local florists. It is more personal that way because you can tell them exactly what you want and most local shops won’t charge you the arm+leg that the large flower companies charge. Plus you support local business. I am glad that he submitted this email exchange himself. It shows a good sense of humor. If you can’t laugh at yourself then you can’t laugh at anyone.
Most people here are saying their flowers suck. I don’t know. My first husband died and I attempted to have flowers delivered on his birthday to his mother. They got there two days late. I would rather have a company do excellent product delivery and have crappy customer service than have crappy delivery and fine-tune their customer service apology letters. No wonder they are so professional at it. They have so much experience.
I have heard enough horror stories about expensive 1-800-flowers products that were NOT as advertised when they showed up, that I believe David’s disgust was probably genuine and justified. If I paid good money for a nice bouquet for a loved one, and the flowers were wilted when they arrived, and completely black the next day, yeah I would be upset. His extreme responses were a bit over the top.
I have to give him props for recognizing the craziness he engaged in, and for being a good sport about this life lesson.
Jesus this guy is a stupid asshole.
I thought this was HILARIOUS.
“I, NEXT TIME SHOULD GO TO MY BACK YARD PICK SOME DANDY LIONS, SMASH THEM WITH MY FOOT, PUT THEM IN A BOX AND WRITE “1800 FLOWERS ON THEM” BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!!”
What wonderful imagery from one so irate.
I’d say this is a pretty good ad for Monica. I’d hire her to do my customer service any day.
Ok guys i realize the e-mails were mean, but it was all in fun. I just wanted to see how long it take to get a F you back from them. I am very happy with the way they handled the situation. the flowers died after two hours of being delivered, i spent 50 bucks on them and i thought they would atleast live a day. I wasent trying to rip them off or anything like that i thought i had a reasonable complaint.
Oh! David! Hey, what a coincidence – we were just talking about you.
yes you have a reason to complain. no you did not handle it in an mature way
I didn’t think it was mean. I thought it was funny. I’m sure they laughed till they cried, too, like I did. I assumed the emails were meant in fun. Anger directed toward customer service is common. FUNNY anger directed toward customer service — not so much. P.S. I loved the time machine statement, and I have never heard the “I checked my records too and they say you suck” line. I laughed so hard, I woke my baby up. That was beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
JFC, David… what the hell. Crazy ass, mean bastard.
This made my day! Maybe a bit over the top but hilarious nonetheless.
I had to stop reading so it wouldn’t lose its funny value, it just doesn’t get any better than “I, NEXT TIME SHOULD GO TO MY BACK YARD PICK SOME DANDY LIONS, SMASH THEM WITH MY FOOT, PUT THEM IN A BOX AND WRITE “1800 FLOWERS ON THEM” BECAUSE NO ONE WOULD KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!”
I couldn’t read the rest without getting annoyed. They say they will send replacement flowers and give him a refund and yet he still is yelling?
I literally LOLed at this part. Ahahaha.
You all lack a sense of humor. Those were brilliant…crazy brilliant.
Oh haha! God, it reminds me… not to get all TMI, but I had a marriage counselor tell me once that abusive men keep flower shops in business. I guess they know how to handle these guys. Yeesh!
I have to deal with pricks like this all the time. No matter what you do or give them, they’ll never be satisfied. These are people who feel impotent in other aspects of their lives, so they need to take it out on someone ’safe’: IE a customer service rep. They know that someone in customer service isn’t allowed to get mad back or they’ll lose their job, so they think it’s somehow acceptable to use them as punching bags. If you’ve ever wondered why you have to wait on hold so long to reach a live person, well, when we’re done being threatened by the previous caller we’ll be happy to get to you. (I’m not exaggerating; I’ve had customers try and get their way by telling me they’re going to ‘kill my entire family’.
I know what you mean. I used to work in CS and I actually started to view society differently. I started imagining everyone I met as being a horrible mean person, because those were the types of people I talked to all day. It’s a very stressful job. I wish people would understand that there is only so much CS people can do (e.g. not go back in time!) and that you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
A-fucking-men! I work in retail (pharmacy) and see this attitude everyday. Thank goodness for those that are truly grateful for what we do – they make dealing with the a-holes bearable.
NEVER order flowers, get off your ass and go to the store and get them. They’re unreliable and rip you off. My own family had unsatisfactory service and my mom’s boss got ripped off as well. He actually went to one of the buildings because there was one near his wife’s office and he was going to have a bouquet sent to her. A woman was in front of him in line ordering a bouquet that she wanted sent to another state and was only charged between $20-30, so he decided to order the same thing. He was charged over $50 for his flowers. When asked “Why the hell am I paying more for flowers to be delivered only a block away than a bouquet going to Texas?!” she told him it because the flowers cost less over there. I would have walked out myself waving good bye with one finger.
Uh… That’s kind of a ridiculous thing to get upset about. The clerk was telling you the truth, which was a perfectly reasonable explanation for the discrepancy. They don’t arrange the flowers wherever you happen to be ordering them from, and then pay for delivery charges to whatever far-flung destination you have in mind. They actually buy the flowers from the florist closest to the recipient, and minimize the delivery time and distance. I guess my advice would be: if you’re so pissed off that you’d have to pay more for flowers where you are, move the hell to Texas.
I’m glad I’m not David! My rectum would be sore after reading all these posts…
That just made me laugh out loud. Nice.
Thanks.
Yea, i didnt know i’d piss off so many people.
I think people who haven’t erratically blown up at CS at least once are a minority. I’ve been on both sides – but hey, you laugh at it later
David, you’re alright in my book! You actually had the balls to submit these emails here which means YOU recognized what you had written as a little crazy.
For clarity’s sake, this site would’ve better been named crazyemailsfrompeople.com. That way, ppl wouldn’t be bitching about who the crazy one is. Amirite?
That’s a really good point. The only one made so far in all the debate about whether these are emails, whether these are real, whether the people sending them are really crazy, whether the people sending them are crazy but should be sympathized with, whether the people are crazy but so mean it’s okay to hate them…
Double-plus awesomeness for all the Teleflora ads surrounding this one. Nice timing on their part.
I’m surprised this man submitted his own emails. Whilst I don’t think the initial complaint is out of order, his later emails are extraordinarily rude considering the full replacement or refund offered by the company.
I’m often tempted to write rude/crazy complaint emails or make rude/crazy calls when businesses let me down BUT I try to remember that the customer service rep on the other end is not the person who picked, arranged and delivered the flowers, they’re just the customer service rep – and in this case it seems like they were responding pretty well to the complaint!
I love how the ad on the side of this page is for TeleFlora.
That guy is awesome. I would have done the same thing. 1-800-flowers sucks balls and ass.
1-800-FLOWERS does suck pretty bad. Expensive as hell, and both tries they got my order wrong. The second time for a large order (5 doz roses), of the 5 they sent, 2 dozen were in colors I specifically (and forcefully) said I didn’t want. The CS rep when we called took the “So what? The local guy probably ran out of what you wanted.” I did eventually get them to refund the partial and took those to the lobby. They were fresh and all that, but they clashed like hell with the other flowers and decorations.
Did David ever stop to think that maybe the water in their city is really bad and can effect the outcome of the life of the flowers?
Also they refunded his money anyway. It does take awhile for some company’s to issue a refund, but it does get done. He got his money back. End of story. The emails from David weren’t funny and were flat out immature and rude.
1-800-FLOWERS is overpriced and pointless. Plus David is unimaginative and has money to waste. Flowers for Valentines Day. Major snooze.
Haha, reviewin’ records.
I’ve reviewed my records and found out that your face sucks! Attached to this message is my fist; please remain motionless for the next half-second as that is the maximum amount of time allowable for a transaction of this nature. Expect further payments to be made over the course of 2 weeks in the form of excruciating pain.*
*Not a real threat, get off my ass FBI.
I work for a major hotel chain’s customer service department. I swear I read this email in our inbox a little while ago. It appears this guys a serial bitcher…lol
My vote goes with David being the crazy person. Poor customer service people. D:
There was a character on the old Abbott and Costello radio show (I’ve listened to them on a podcast) that this guy reminds me of. I think his name was “Melonhead” or something like that. Anyway, the humor was that no matter what Costello said to him, he would take it the absolutely worst way possible, no matter how politely it was meant.
Costello: Excuse me.
Melonhead: Oh, so I’m in your way, is that it? I suppose I should just stand out in the street.
Costello: No, of course I don’t want you to stand in the street.
Melonhead: Oh, I see. You’d prefer I be lying down, eh? So the cars could just run me down and kill me!
Costello: What? No, I don’t want a car to kill you!
Melonhead: Better just to cripple me, right? You’d like to see me suffer!
etc.
I love that he sent it in himself, shows he realizes he was acting crazy and can laugh about it. =D