I Need An Old Priest And A Young Priest…
…or maybe just a Breathe Right strip.
To: Paranormal Researchers of Ohio
GhostInvestigators@****.net
From: XXXxx @ gmail.com
Subject: possessed?
Date: Sat, 12 Sep 2009 20:45:12 -0400“Please help! The activity has been going on since I first married my wife six years ago, but the occurrences have been increasing to the point of happening every night. Ever since I got married and started living with my wife, I have heard loud, strange noises coming from her when she sleeps. I used to think it was snoring because it would happen only when she had a cold or something. But now it’s like every night, and it’s getting LOUDER (I could best describe the sounds as a cross between a fog horn, a feline mating shriek and microphone feedback).
“I’ve had other people who have heard it tell me that it is indeed just her snoring, but I am convinced that she is possessed by some sort of spirit. Can you please send a team to my home in Willoughby, Ohio to investigate while she sleeps? Maybe do an EMF sweep or some thermal imaging of her? I’m at my wits end. I can’t get any sleep, and I have nightmares that she’s possessed by the voice of Froggy from the “Little Rascals.” It’s just really screwing with my mind.
Please help!
XXXxx”
Submitted By: Carrie
@crazyemails
Sleep apnea strikes again!
WTF is wrong w/ people
I’ve been known to saw a fair bit of wood, he would probably have me burned at the stake;)
You get a fair share of crazy when you do paranormal research.
I’m actually a little afraid for the wife. I don’t think that everyone who believes in various supernatural phenomenon are automatically crazy, but this seems like a pretty strong and potentially dangerous delusion. We know he’s nuts and she’s just snoring, but a person who thinks snoring is demon possession who isn’t getting enough sleep? She needs to get away from this nut case before he decides he needs to kill her to save her soul or something insane.
However, at least he’s fairly literate — that’s a change for one of these crazy emails!
The doctor told me not to listen to you anymore, Madness.
I will not be ignored!
no lie. she’ll be sleeping, and attacked in the middle of the night by some zealots, intent on saving her soul.
I don’t think it’s delusion. Just stupid. Or lulz?
If this is a troll, then 10/10.
His wife is gonna kill him. Classic!
Screwed mind? that you are, dear sir.
Actually it sounds like she needs a sleep study (in a hospital) and a CPAP. While this is funny, obstructive sleep apnea can kill you. I hope this woman gets the help she needs (and away from the husband, who also gets the help *he* needs).
I read “CPAP” as “CRAP”
I was very confused as to how bowel movements would help your breathing…..
I snore, and thus I wear a Breathe-Right™ every night. It helps, but doesn’t completely eliminate the problem. The wife in question may indeed have a medical issue that should be addressed. SCAScot is quite correct.
yep. the woman totally has sleep apnea–which can cause serious heart problems later on in life.
Did you seriously include the trademark symbol in a blog comment? Are you getting paid for the endorsement or something? Sorry, but I just find that a bit odd.
Yes, I did put it there; no, I’m not getting paid for it, and yes, I sometimes do things that people consider to be a bit odd. I just thought it was mildly funny to do so.
wonder what he’d think of the noise my hubby makes after a 12 hours shift at work followed by a few brews to round things off? lol
I snore so loudly I wake myself up. I’ll come to thinking “What is that RACKET???” only to realize that I’m the source. I’ve always chalked it up to sleep apnea and the fact that I come from a long line of human freight-trains. Now I know better; it’s that pesky scamp Satan.
I have woke myself up snoring before.
I watched a friend of mine waking himself up talking. Now that was bizarre!
I regularly wake myself up from laughing out loud because of funny dreams. No kidding. Usually I remember the dream and realise, that it wasn’t that funny at all, which makes me laugh even harder.
On the other side, I never have nightmares.
I never would have realized that possession could be the reason behind all this.
Maybe you’re getting possessed by spirits who want to watch the funny dreams. Seems like it’d be a much-needed break in an otherwise dismal afterlife.
The secret is to sew a tennis ball into the middle of the back of the T-shirt she sleeps in. This, unto itself may solve the problem. It can’t hurt to have the tennis ball blessed by the Pope first, though.
This guy should play “Who wants to be a Millionaire”. When he needs help on a question and asks the audience, he won’t listen to them and lose.
Actually, he’s right. It IS the voice of Froggy from “Little Rascals”. But just the voice – I had to keep the rest of him up here for My mime variety hour show.
Y’know, there are alot more constructive things you atheists could be doing right now besides trolling. It’s not funny anymore. Must you be so mealymouthed when it comes to saying you don’t have any respect for God? Dane Cook is funnier than you, and he is NOT funny…
I beg to differ. He’s hilarious! Unlike you, who is just pathetic for getting that worked up about comments on a message board.
*blinks* Overreaction much?
I can see I’m not wanted here so I’ll leave. Apparently Christians aren’t welcome here. I’ve read alot of “you can’t prove God exists, therefore that is proof that He doesn’t exist”. I know I won’t be missed so I’m essentially just wasting your time and mine. Sure, maybe I can’t stand the heat. But I’ve been burnt one too many times. So long. Have fun. And cheer up: this will be one less pathetic Christian to challenge your precious lifestyles.
Christians are welcome. People who can’t laugh at themselves are not. At least that’s my observation.
I agree wholeheartedly. And I’m a Christian.
P.S. not all of us are like the uptight guy. People like him are what make me scared to say I’m a Christian.
Well that was an unexpected departure. Whatever. I’ve said it before, and it still holds true: blasphemy is always funny. No exceptions. If you cannot handle someone commenting under that tag of “God” and it sends your christian sensibilities into a tailspin, you need some serious mental help and probably should avoid the internet entirely.
Agreed. Have fun with the rest of the Internet!
93.2% of the rest of the internet is porn. He’ll be miserable there too – but at least we won’t have to hear about it.
>_<
Thank Me, and good riddance. Never could stand uppity Christians – that’s why I’m a Buddhist. Everyone who wasn’t anal retentive gets one free sin. (Not redeemable on Thursdays. Must be a sin against yourself or a Republican. No Commandment-breakers or rapes or any of that dumb shite. Void where prohibited. No purchase necessary. See store for details. Please STOP redeeming on masturbation; it just makes My son cry.)
ZOMG, I take it back. I am TOTALLY in your camp now.
Wait: Is that one and only one free sin, or is it the one sin as many times as I like? Gotta read the fine print here.
The only good thing about that free redeemable sin, is that jebus isn’t over here to tell us we can’t…
Hmmm… if you’re Buddhist, and Buddhists don’t believe in God… then are you saying you don’t exist?
But if you don’t exist, then how are you typing?
Baaaawwwwwww!!! My faith is so weak I cant stand seeing critisim on an internet board…BAWWWWWW….I dont like it when people challenge my bronze age beliefs with reason and facts…BAAAWWWWW……Persecution…BAWWWWWW…
Pffft. Get lost and get bent ya whiny git.
Best of luck, Strab, but please, don’t bother with the “I’m a Christian and I’ve been burned” references. Christians are responsible for giving at least as much persecution as they have historically received. For an update, look up the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition, just to get started. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, would probably not have approved.
That said – yes, I’m sorry, but it IS stupid for people to assume that something for which there is a rational, scientific explanation to ignore it in favor of invisible supernatural beings. If you are one such, or even simply can’t see the humor in such, then yeah, I don’t think most of us will miss you. Bye.
Touche on the persecution thing!
Also, most Christians in the US cannot even begin to talk about being persecuted. The problem with a lot of whiny people is that they happen to be Christians, and they mistake their self-created martyrdom for REAL martyrdom.
Jesus is a Cunt.
Where is your God now?
No, this guy’s funnier than I am. Then again, you’re funnier than I am too. I’m not funny.
First, yet another reason I hate being from Ohio. Second, I lived near Willoughby and Im not all that surprised.
Boy, I really hope the guy was just messing with the paranormal folks. That’s more comforting than “crazy guy near sleeping wife” scenario.
The power of Christ compels him…to but some damn nose strips for his wife.
Meant ‘buy’ of course.
Of course.
This is not a crazy, just a stupid!
I wonder, how often do other people have occasion to listen to his wife sleep?
I don’t live in Ohio or I’d attempt it.
Maybe if you change the name of this website to “Emails From Sarcastic People”…
Not crazy. Next!
yeah, I’m not reading crazy here, sarcastic fits. If his wife’s snoring is getting that bad a sleep study might be more productive than trolling a paranormal group.
If it had involved zombies would it have been crazy?
Obviously a troll. “Voice of Froggy from ‘The Little Rascals’” is a dead giveaway
Exactly what I was thinking. Up until that point I really thought it was crazy, but that part just has “did it for the lulz” written all over it.
My husband sleep-b*tches. He’ll breath in normally, but on the breath out he’ll make a sound like he’s loudly complaining. It’d be cute if he didn’t wake me up. It’s all vocal chords, none of it nasal passages.
Never thought it was paranormal activity. Perhaps I need to call these people.
That’s what happen when all people see over tv is about vampires and ghosts. I just love what is out on cable tv. Ah ah ah ha ha ha…
There is this one guy that goes around looking for ghosts or anything that the tv cable channel would pay a trip to “investigate”.
I wonder when he or them will go investigate ” Er Chupacabras “. Ha ah ah haha ha…
Responses from Crazy People? O_o
hahaha!
My friend had a dream about a place named Willoughby once. Poor fella jumped off a train while shouting it at the top of his lungs.
twilight zone win!
This guy is just taking the piss
Both my cat and my husband do something that is a cross between a whistle and a snore, with added ‘ummmphummms’ in between. And at the same time since the cat is usually on the bed. Can’t say that I ever considered possession as the cause though – perhaps I should rethink it
Maybe his wife has sleep apnea and she’s gasping for air?
OMG I never thought I would see an email from where I grew up. Willoughby is teeny tiny town. This email is now my favorite.
LOL best laugh ive had in a while. Perhaps he should be consulting a pair of ear plugs rather than those poor invetigators.
Dude is trolling and you all fell for it too.
OMG I live in Painesville, Ohio, which is pretty much within spitting distance of Willoughby. Surprised to see a dinky Ohio town that I recognize mentioned here. lol
I wonder how long the paranormal investigators laughed at this one. I really hope they didn’t actually send somebody over. Unless, of course, they sent over a doctor, which would be what she would really need. I hope she got attention for whatever it was that was causing that snoring, whether it be sleep apnea or no.