This Is Sort Of A Tough Sell, eh Ladies?
sluts are cool and they get around i’m sure but i’m looking for a woman from18 to 60 NO OLDER THAN 65 (I’m serious this time!!)
please drive a truck or jeep type car.
please have long or short hair.
I’ve told you before, “IF YOU’RE MY KIND OF WOMAN I’LL KNOW RIGHT AWAY”.
please don’t hahve the diabetes if you’re over 43(ish).
Now listhen to this! I like to see you naked between the 1st and 5ht dates. And i don’t want to meet your kids right away. thisis a spacial thing between me and you fornow because i’m into romance and sex type things real quick.
Wait i thought of something else – i will HAVE to see a PICTURE from you (and i need to know where you like to eat). i am not having a lot money right now LOL. times are tougher than leather right now and i’m down like four flat tires.
SO don’t lie about shit that isn’t true just to get me arrested. YES that’s happened before but i was just in jail for a couple weeks and YES i was gay for the stay but i haven’t done that since i got out SO NO MEN PLEASE this is only for the LADIES! 18 TO 60! ONLY!
SO i’m average and not skinny and not fat but i am mising 1 finger from a long time ago. it doesn’t matter though.
you can call me from a cell phone or pay phone I DON’T CARE.
Submitted by: Eleanor
Alas, if only I drove a truck. I think I’m in luv.
@crazyemails
I think the “I’m serious THIS time” bit does it for me.
Personally for me it’s the, “times are tougher than leather right now and i’m down like four flat tires.” I don’t like the bit about the leather, but I -almost- want to use the quip about the tires!
That’s exactly the Girl I’m looking for, too: A fifty year-old, off-roading slut with hair who doesn’t have a problem with sugar, doesn’t try to get me arrested (although all said, it wasn’t a bad experience) who wants to use me for my body. Back home that’s what we call romance. You should see what I can do with a stub.
Oh my lord, a little coffee went up my nose (I know, oversharing)… You should see what I can do with a stub… priceless!
Thanks for your jail account…Bubba says “Hi!”
Damn it, Dad! I told you I’d take computer away if pull this crap again. And what’s this “gay for the stay” stuff? If any of these women respond I WILL tell them about Uncle Bruce. I mean, he weights 400lbs and lives with us; where do you think you’re going to him him, under the rug?
lol awesome!
Comment win.
Errr, hide him. See, you got me so upset about this, I can’t even type today!
What a catch this guy has it all, except one finger but that doesn’t matter.
Eh, ten fingers are overrated. Who actually uses all ten at once?
Concert pianists.
I knew a guy who was missing half a finger and it didn’t hurt him with the ladies at all, he did quite well for himself in that area. I don’t think he’s the guy that wrote this, though.
I dunno…I think it all depends on WHICH finger is missing…
“please have long or short hair.”
So, no bald women basically?
Or women with medium length hair.
I wonder if he brings a ruler…
Ne-heh, I doubt it. The girl might want to use it on him, and he’s obviously pretty desperate, so…
Be honest, even medium length hair is more often referred to as short.
Just in CASE you weren’t convinced I’m INSANE I think I’ll THROW in some RANDOM caps to prove IT. It’s all about emphasis in the dating world. And apparently, seriously misplaced confidence.
“please don’t hahve the diabetes if you’re over 43(ish)”
Does this mean it’s okay to have “the” diabetes if I’m younger than that?
Actually, it’s not OK. You see, hahving the diabetes is a choice and a bad one at that. If you’ve made this choice than how can you pour chocolate all over his body and lick it off. Geez! It’s bad enough he might have to wait til the 5th date to see you naked!!
I’d be happy to have a “spacial” thing with him…about the space of an entire country!
make it ‘glacial’ and I’ll think about it
I….I….I don’t even know where to start with this…!!!!
“looking for a woman from18 to 60 NO OLDER THAN 65 (I’m serious this time!!)”
He’s serious this time, dammit!!
..and you can’t have the diabetes…you can have the rheumatiz, or the gout maybe, but not the diabetes, dammit!
…and he can only see you naked between the 1st and the 5th….God help you if you take anything off on the 6th!
..and yeah, don’t ‘lie about shit’…..he’s being so honest with you, with the gay thing and the one finger and how he’s down on his luck with finances and has vehicle trouble, so please….be kind….
It’s hard to believe that a 65+ year old responded to this ad.
… or that men did.
Did anyone mentally hear Cleveland from “Family Guy” as they were reading this. Especially at the “have the diabetes” line because I am sure I remember him using this phrase in an episode. I guess the new wife isn’t working out so well.
Giggidy giggidy giggidy! All right
Um, Cleveland, why are you talking like Quagmire?
Hey, when you sleep with Loretta you have an identity crisis. Apparently.
Now I am hearing that! But, at first I heard Borat when I read it.
This left me speechless *actually was LOLing all the time I was reading this*
Wait “only in jail for a couple of weeks” and “gay for the stay”….. isn’t that something that usually takes awhile to ease into? I guess he really is into the romance real quick.
*tries very very hard not to think too much about the phrase “takes a while to ease into”*
I have to agree with the other person that said you are their fav person on the interwebs. OMG hilairous! Every time too
I think your leaving out the important part of that line, “I was in jail for a couple of weeks and YES i was gay for the stay” is the first question you would ask someone who was in jail were you gay during that time? its like he assumed he had to be gay. He only had 2 weeks, he had to get his gay done real quick b4 they would let him out
Sadly, this is not even close to being the strangest online dating ad I’ve ever seen.
The Diabetes always gets a bum rap.
Wow, I’ll take two just like him!
Dammit, Freddie, he SPECIFICALLY said NO MEN!
No wonder he starts off with “you ladies need to LISTEN!” Clearly people are just skimming his ads and leaping at him like wolves on a wounded elk.
No older than 65 (he’s serious this time)! That’s where I started laughing.
See, last time he wasn’t serious.
I’m wondering just how many women older than 65 are on Craiglist looking for guys like this.
Given that age range, I think it’s worth noting that he’s interested in seniors… whether they’re high school seniors or senior citizens. o.O
So that’s where all the classy men are hiding….
I didn’t know that Jamie Foxx’s “Wanda” had a brother. If she does, this has to be him.
For those too young to remember:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tS_2sAGYI-Q
So basically, he fails to meet my exacting standards for a boyfriend: Must have a job and a car.
You gold digger!
Yeah. Clearly my ideal man drives a taxi
Oh god, he’s in my state! D:
im jealous. i wanna see if hes gay for more than the stay- plus he sounds like he’d have no teeth and that would be a major plus in the sack
he’s in my city. Next time I’m in North Portland, I’m going to look for a 27 year old without a finger…by a 7/11. I just realized, shouldn’t being by a 7/11 be a missed connection thing and not a description of where he lives?
Lol. but he isn’t by an ordinary 7/11, but a 7/111!
If you happen to find him – have him arrested – for nooooo reason at all
Lets see if next time he’s in jail we can set him up with Wilfred Brimley
Oops it’s Wilford Brimley
And are these people really bored or what? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hNu1I9r_1A
See, I lost it when he actually went “Wait I thought of something else” in the middle of the email, like he thought he was talking (typing?) to a dictophone.
Yea, its like some people don’t know they can hit backspace and edit their e-mails or posts. This theory actually explains a lot on the internet….
That was what cracked me up to. I love the mixture of crazy and stupidity.
On a side note, this site sooo needs a Fan Page on Facebook…
What? I can’t post a personal ad? I thought it was pretty well written…
Seems kind of weird for YOU to be that picky about the diabetes thing….
Well, last time He impregnated a woman, she was already married to someone else. Seems His rules for us don’t apply to Himself. :/
She was betrothed to be married…not married…and He consecrated it…it’s all good!
Well, I just meant, what with Him being God, couldn’t He just cure the diabetes?
What do you think He is, some kind of miracle worker?
He is sooo serious THIS time.
I lost my shit at “I was gay for the stay”. I was eating a crunch bar, started laughing way too hard, and now I’m typing amongst the bits of chocolate and rice stuck in the keyboard.
I think the most frightening thing about men like that, is not that they exist. But that there are so many of them. That can only mean that they have found women that are willing to breed with them. *shudder*
all the mores reason for selective breeding
I don’t think they’re finding that many women willing to breed with them if they have sunk to the point of advertising on Craigslist.
I beg to differ, take a look around, retardly stupid people breed more often than not.
*shudder*
“IF YOU’RE MY KIND OF WOMAN I’LL KNOW RIGHT AWAY”
Oh thank god, I’d hate to get naked for him on the first date and have him be all like “nah, not working for me, I think you have THE diabetes.”
Everything this guy is asking for is completely reasonable. And who wouldn’t be a buddy in prison? It’s like camp!
You’re thinking about it the wrong way. Think of what a public service it was for him to write a crazy small ad. What if he had written something sane and normal sounding. Some poor girl, hard on her luck, responds to it. They go out for dinner….
“How’s your steak?”
“No, not me.”
“Sorry?”
“I’m not gay. 100% heterosexual, right here.”
“I didn’t… I was asking about your steak.”
“Of course, I did go gay for my stay, but I haven’t done any of that since my parole was approved.”
“You were in prison? What for?”
“Oh… the usual. Some bitch lied about what isn’t true to get me arrested. Could you pass the pepper?”
I think this guy asked me for a date. Repeatedly.
Serriously, the guy sounds like a sex addict. He doesn’t have an age preferance, just as long as he won’t have to stop half way through sex to take his date to the hospital for a broken hip; he was in jail for a few weeks and did not stop (if he said he was raped in prison, that would be a different story, but he is saying he had consensual sex with men); and he went to jail for a sex crime. He’s an addict.
Wow, apparently beggars can be choosers!
Does the missing finger not matter because he had six on that hand to begin with?
Fake as Melissa Lauren’s new tits and nose
….anyone else think he lost his finger while being in jail?
I think we’re all missing the main thrust of this posting: dude is missing a single digit. WHAT HAPPENED?! I TOTALLY wanna know, now! Was it a fishing accident? Did he lose it in a bar fight? I mean, clearly the guy is a douche, but I bet THIS is how he gets the ladies.
No. Really. I MUST know!
Maybe the “over 65″ had teeth in places other than her mouth
VAGINA DENTATA
Hannah dear – calm down. He said pretty clearly that it “doesn’t matter.”
*can’t breathe*
*gasp*
*lol-ing to much*
…and I need to know where you like to eat….
Is it ok to have THE diabetes if you’re UNDER 43(ish)?
..having bmw tough and eat european indian chineese and mexican…tried them all….it doesnt matter…they will fix you your finger..im taking you to plastic surgent…hope u dont have any STD-s from jail… btw i have 3 kids and need a babysitter, gardener and handyman home…my man passed away so imma lonely hot blonde… i need a picture from you…im not fucking person i dont know..hate blind dates, reminds me on my housbandt …and im a bit crazy…but that should not bother you…aaand btw youll need to wait untill 7th or 15th date…meanwhile ill see if you deserve it… so start shaving off your pubic hair and contact me asap…
LOLA
The Diabetes comes from the Iraq, right?
I love the part that says, Please have long or short hair. Really any kind of hair will do then eh.
That was way too hilarious to be real. “Gay for the stay” when the stay was two weeks?
You are all such snobs. Get a life. Why don’t you just cut a man a break!
You are all such snobs. Just relax everybody. Cut the man a break. I’ve bet you’ve all posted your share of stuff!
can’t (won’t)
cutting-you-a-break machine broke.
can’t afford to get it fixed.
no breaks this week
I don’t know about listening, but what about reading?
Oh dear, I appear to be the wrong gender for his add. I’m SO disappointed. *Eyeroll*
Get him back into jail and you can dodge that clause easily enough.
LOL. This was on Craigslist, wasn’t it? It tops the best one I’ve seen so far, which was a guy saying, “please be real and don’t be on some bull s**t.” HAHAHAHAHAHA!
hey yall wat up r ya’ll really crazt like dat cause i aint crazy at all
Wonder about that “spacial thing between me and you for now” is…maybe he can bend the fabric of time and space!
Somehow I think even Hiro Nakamura’s broken English is better than *this*.
awww bless him , I hope he finds his female nondiabetic , truckdriving, nakedliking, honest , fingersympathetic who can use a telephone………
Ohh, how I love the crazies.
So if she has diabetes and is like 40 then it should be all good. But 43… that’s just the cut off point.
I lol’d very hard.