I, Too, Am Speakless
hi how ru ? i,m Rocky from kl… ..
i have seen ur profile u r soo nice and cte i want to be ur friend.. will u be my good frined… where ru living,,,,, nice looking ,, soo cuteekeep in tuch bybye
thx…well i wanna say something about ur beauti and ur sweetness please accept this small words from my pure hearts, ur pics are really sooooooooooo amazing.
dear, Now really i miss u so much,u know, coz ur pic made me mad, its really awesome, and u r looking sooooooooooooooooooo beautiful as Miss Singapore, cute as Singapore Princess , sweet as honey, nice as pretty angel. u look like the princess of butterfly, the queen of Jasmine flower. actually the words of dictionary cant explain ur beauti, i am jus speakless, if i write whole of life narrating ur beauti, i will die but ur sweetness wont be end, ur eyes are jus like diomand pearls, the sky is feeling jealoous beause its two beautiful star u take as it becomes ur eyes, i wish and i dream that i can see this Masterpiece of the GOd, beauti of universe live with my naked eyes.
with best and sweet regards
Rocky…
Submitted by: Ketki
Can you hold both the position of Princess of Butterfly and Queen of Jasmine Flower? That just has conflict of interest written all over it.
Wow – that makes me wonder about what is her myspace profile pic? A naked lotus flower?
Oops…grammar fail…that makes me wonder what her myspace profile pic is…
I’d have bad grammar immediately after reading that, too. Like when I talk with a British accent after watching a Bond movie. I had to take a little break before writing this.
hahaha! I love that!
Don’t worry. So do I. Even though i am british i don’t have the “bond” accent so i tend towards his instead of my own Yorkshire.
It’s really confusing
It’s okay, my brain melted out of my ear and I may have lost some writing skills after reading that message as well.
This might be nitpicky but I suspect the person who wrote this might be deaf… I once emailed back and fourth with someone who was deaf and their grammer was similar to this… its extreemly hard to read sometimes. BUT he is still crazy.
I had my fair share of conversations on TTY, and trust me, this is nothing like that… My fave TTY call was the guy had seen himself walking down the street on the morning TV news, but the Closed Captioning didn’t work well enough to say that it was just a general public picture. That poor guy was sooo confused and for a few minutes was starting to think that the news station was mocking him.
I wasnt talking about TTY i said email… as in people who sign in ASL dont type in proper grammer..
“grammer” — grammar?
(ducking and running away…)
haha no worries.. im dyslexic and cant spell
It’s probably one of those ladyboy persons, what with the ms Singapore reference.
me love you long time!
Engrish anyone?
I am speakless…
This one is just dumb. The site is called Emails from Crazy People, not Emails from dumb people with crappy English.
Tom, you don’t think someone sending that as an opening email conversation starter is a little bit… odd?
If you got an email from someone who had seen your facebook/whatever profile and sent you that would you not think they were bordering on the world of injunctions and missing underwear off your washing line?
Crazy=Someone messed up in his head. After reading what he wrote I think he’s messed up in his head so therefore he is crazy. But that’s my personal point of view. And ” if i write whole of life narrating ur beauti” what the hell did he meant to say??
Sounds just as fun as having your own theme music. “She wakes up, and although her hair resembled Beetlejuice, she was still beautiful.” “Upon taking a shit that smelled of roses…”
I wish I had my beauty narrated by someone until they die.
me, too, slc. me, too.
he meant something like “If I spent my entire life narrating (describing) your beauty.”
That’s not a real lolcat because it’s a picture of a walrus, der-her!
Oh, come on, Tom. This guy is definitely certifiably crazy, bad grammar aside.
creeepyyyyy… can’t even picture what kind of person would write this!
What’s wrong with this email? I mean, I get letters like this from my husband every morning. Granted, the English is better, but the fact is, I’m the Goddess of the Phalaenopisis Orchid.
Well, presumably, you have met your husband before. At the wedding, at the very least. In contrast, this is this guy’s opening salvo. Yes, the bad grammar overtakes the fact that he would apparently belly-crawl naked over ten miles of broken glass just to wank off on her shadow, and for that reason maybe it’d be better placed on Engrishfunny.com – but yeah, he shoulda stopped after the first couple of lines.
This guy is not crazy, he just has bad engrish and is obsessed.
Being obsessed isn’t crazy? Particularly, being obsessed with someone who you’ve only seen pictures of and are contacting for the first time?
Yeah, that’s crazy.
And once again someone has to point out the obvious. If all of these were from certifiably mentally ill people, the site would #1 not have more than an update once a month or so, and #2 would not be funny at all; it would be depressing and sad, which is not what we’re going for. I, for one, salute the crew of emailsfromcrazypeople for giving me a chuckle every few days. People who whine about the content of free websites need to find a better hobby.
Well put, Rob.
I second that.
I’m sorry – but that could have been rendered in impeccable english and still would have been crazy. In fact, I think it’s likely that the engrish actually tempers the crazy…
I agree. I had to do a little bit of creative interpretation in some parts, but it sounds even crazier in proper English:
Hi, how are you? I’m Rocky from kl… ..
I’ve seen your profile. You are soo nice and cute. I want to be your friend. Will you be my good friend? Where do you live? You are nice looking, so cute, keep in touch bye bye.
Thanks …well I want to say something about your beauty and your sweetness. Please accept these small words from my pure heart: Your pics are really sooooooooooo amazing.
Dear, now really I miss you so much. You know, because your pic made me mad. It’s really awesome, and you are looking sooooooooooooooooooo beautiful as Miss Singapore, cute as a Singapore Princess , sweet as honey, nice as a pretty angel. You look like the princess of butterflies, the queen of Jasmine flowers. Actually, the words of the dictionary can’t explain your beauty. I am just speechless. If I wrote a whole lifetime, narrating your beauty, I will die, but your sweetness won’t end. Your eyes are just like diamond pearls. The sky feels jealous because two of its beautiful stars were taken to become your eyes. I wish and I dream that I can see this Masterpiece of the God, beauty of universe, live with my naked eyes.
With best and sweet regards
Rocky…
haha brilliant refutation of the “this is not crazy” argument. although I think it sounds slightly less crazy in real English, even beautiful in parts, it still points to some obvious social imbalances
Yeah!
Umm… that message is WAY creepier when it’s not Engrish. Yuk.
Well done, Pix – an elegant refutation. It does make me wonder if this is crazy, or merely a perception of craziness due to the difference in culture.
“beauti of universe live with my naked eyes”
Naked eyes?
Actually, “naked eyes” is one of the few phrases that he used that is an actual colloquialism. It’s analogous to “bare hands”, and basically means unaided eyesight — as in, no glasses, no telescopes, no light-spectrum graphs, etc…
So he doesn’t have his glasses on…
I’m hoping that’s the only thing that’s naked.
Comment win.
Does anyone know what langauge this is? Is it a Germanic language because I seemed to recognize a few words. Or maybe it’s a dead language. Like what they spoke on Atlantis. Ooooh!
Doh!!!
It’s Rocky, ya’ll know he has brain damage.
Its pig latin.
unyfay
Hmm, I suppose it could be someone really young. Like 8 or something. It’s pretty hard to maneuver around that whole “coz ur pic made me mad, its really awesome,” statement though.
I took “mad” to mean “crazy” instead of “angry.”
“mad” as in “insane,” as in “I saw your picture and it blew my mind.” Or “She’s insanely pretty,” or “I’m crazy about her.”
He’s from Kuala Lampur, where if I’m not mistaken they typically teach British English.
Yeap. He’s definitely speaking British.
No he’s not. Dosen’t matter where he’s from, that language is Nutbag.
Sarcasm. Look it up.
I… I’m… I’m speakless.
That should totally be a word.
I have to admit, I’ve now taken to using the word “speakless” in an attempt to coerce others into using it and making it a part of every day speech. Or speak. Whichever.
I’m beginning to wonder if she has pure white eyes. “Diamond Pearls”? “Stars from the sky”?
PS, can anyone explain to me what a diamond pearl is?
It is a pearl made of diamonds. Duh.
I’m pretty sure it’s the next iteration of the Blackberry. The Blackberry Diamond Pearl..It will make you speakless!
I think that’s the latest version of Pokemon.
So…she looks like Pikachu?
I think maybe his eyes aren’t the only thing naked as he’s typing this. How could you not call this one cra-zee?
Rocky needs to get laid, soon
I have no idea what I just read, as the language centre of my brain just caught fire and burned out.
His hearts? More than one?
No wonder the Timelords leave Gallifrey as soon as they’re able…the rest of the population on the planet just plain leav them speakless.
Looks scammer-ish to me. I’ll bet he’s sent the same thing to dozens of people.
“Can you hold both the position of Princess of Butterfly and Queen of Jasmine Flower? That just has conflict of interest written all over it. ” <– love it
Were anyone bothered that he bade farewell at the end of the first 2 lines and then continued for another 10 or so? Its like his psychopathic right brain kicked in after his ‘normal’ left finished typing.
My mother and aunts all do this on the phone. They say goodbye and then continue to tell me about their life for another 20 minutes.
Are they crazy too?
They would be crazier if they start the phone conversation with a “Goodbye” LOL!
By the way, as the girl who received this stalker-ish email…my display photo was not a naked lotus flower or whatever…hahaha. It was just me in a bar holding a drink FULLY CLOTHED!
Oddly enough, I seem to get quite a lot of these stalker-ish messages, but I think this one was quite the winner, so I had to send it in. After joining Myspace I realized that it kind of is kind the center for receiving emails like these. They do make me laugh though!
Big lol at the Pig Latin/Germaic analysis!
I got news for you – if you’re young, cute, and female and use your real first and last name on the Internet (and have a blog), Internet stalkers aren’t the only kind you’re going to be getting. Use your head and take sensible precautions. The writer of that email may be the relatively harmless kind of crazy, but not everybody is. Don’t be the next statistic, please. I knwo you think you’re invulnerable and it can’t happen to you, but you’re wrong.
Pretty impressive for a flying squirrel in an aviator’s cap.
Oh God… After reading that, I had to take a break to read the dictionary before I wrote even one word, because I didn’t want to start typing in bad grammar like that.
For some reason this was way funnier because his name is Rocky. I do not know why. I just got a kick out of that.
“ADRIAN!!! ADRIAN!!!”
u called?
Looks like we’ve got a combo of both “English as Second Language” and cultural differences. Believe it or not, what sounds crazy in western civilization is often perfectly normal in other parts of the world.
I live in China, and I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if this was someone I knew. And given the references to Singapore, well, this one just screams Asian culture.
One word. Singlish. Y’tube it.
Sounds like all the foreign guys who have hit on me over the years.
Reminds me of a pickup line i overheard “Hi gorgeous, want some foreign object in ya?” Ok i lied. That was me! So do you?
The guy is from Kuala Lumpur, in Malaysia. Locals refer to it as “KL”, and its about a four hour drive from Singapore, hence the Miss Singapore reference.
I hereby vouch that some guy is telling the truth.
IMHO, this really seems to be more of an ESL and cultural barrier issue than crazy. Okay, the compliments seem a little over the top, but in some cultures more flowery metaphors and compliments are more commonplace and accepted…instead of the good old US of A where lewd comments about various parts of a woman’s anatomy are considered acceptable courtship behaviors. Yes, the grammar and word usage is weird in a few places, but I think that just comes down to not being a native English speaker. This may be a somewhat over-enthusiastic suitor, but I don’t believe this one quite falls into the crazy category.
Wow…
You are aware that the entire country isn’t the Jersey Shore, right?
As for “this is just a cultural difference” see above…where it was written out into “proper” English…and still nuts. There’s complimenting someone…there’s flowery language, there’s over the top metaphor…and then there’s nuttier’n a fruitbat.
“…instead of the good old US of A where lewd comments about various parts of a woman’s anatomy are considered acceptable courtship behaviors…” Tell me where exactly in the good ol’ US of A are you from? I want to go there and tell the ladies…..”you have deliciously looking b**bs and *ss..date me”! LOL. Anyhow, I do get what you mean about this being more of ESL and cultural.. BUT if its in “Emails from Crazy People”, then its emails from CRAZY people! Cheers. Oh and btw, I’m from Singapore and the girls here really are beauti of universe live with our naked eyes!
We all like to make fun of this guy for going overboard in his obsession of a girl he’s never met, but all he’s really doing is an amplified version of something that every human being on the planet has done at one time or another. You meet someone new, you learn a thing or two about them that you like, and you fill in all the other details by assuming they’re perfect in every way. Then you get really disappointed and surprised when you find out they’re imperfect.
Having said that, all the author of this email has to do is get to know the girl a little, and he’d probably find a dozen little personality “quirks” that would drive him nuts and send him running and screaming in the opposite direction.
so true..
okay, so you’ve e-mailed a girl and threatened to “write whole of life narrating ur beauti, i will die but ur sweetness wont be end”? Then this guy isn’t the only one who needs to be medicated.
Duh, if you haven’t notice this yet..this world is full of crazies!
This kind of thing happens every day in Singapore. This is just Singlish – look it up on Wikipedia or Youtube.
I must be really jaded having once been married to a man who called me some pretty terrible things, but this email strikes me as a sweet expression of possibly under-contained exuberance of anyone who has fallen in love at first sight. And isn’t falling in love at first sight pretty irrational in the first place? But it happens. And, I know I see at least a half dozen perfect names for perfumes in there.
Correction: INFATUATION at first sight.
I think that’s nice of him to say those things. He isn’t crazy at all. Theres a about 100 million fat bitches in the world that would love to have someone write this to them. But no one ever will… because they are fat and gross
You’re just pissed that we not only all rejected you – simultaneously – but that we actually founded a religion devoted to not dating your faygo-lovin’ ass. Besides, as long as Dick Cheney is around (and Halliburton’s assured us of that for at least 500 years), fat men and women alike will get their love on.
Mmmm… cankles…
Man, don’t be so evil…
This E-Mail makes me want to go to this man’s house and beat him up with The Great and Almighty Grammar Hammer.
Oh lol. If he’s from KL, that means he’s probably an ESL with Malay as first language. If you translate that into malay, it sounds perfectly fine. Cliché-d but fine. He must have watched too many P Ramlee movies to pick up that sort of phrases though. XD Or reads those hopelessly sappy romance novels.
Man I had to run that through the Babelfish translator from “stupid idiot” to “English” and it still didn’t make any sense. So I retranslated it from English to German to Spanish to French and then back into English and it made a little more sense than the original.
When I received this, I was pretty creeped out actually, but I doubt him being Malaysian has anything to do with it. I know quite a few Malaysians who speak beautiful English. I don’t know where or how this guy managed to pick up this “style”.
Regardless, I have so many more where this came from. Like this other freak who sent me this: “Hey, how’s it going. Hope you’re enjoying yourself here. Let’s go deeper and talk like normal people =)
All I know abt you now is that you have a student look and can be a little naughty at times. I’d like to know more.
So what’s your story?”
I swear I’m not making these up!!
Anyway, I recall laughing to myself for a good fifteen minutes while reading it, and then compiling all these funny messages and sending them in an email forward to all my friends!
As for those who say “he’s saying sweet wonderful nice things and I should be appreciative” but there’s a difference between “appreciative” and borderline online stalking.
Oh well.
u r princess of butterfly n queen of jasmine flower? omfg. u is masterpiece of the GOd n beauti of universe live with my naked eyes! all hail miss singapore!
Worship me, commoners! I reign supreme with my beauti, jasmine flowers and butterflies!
*evil laughter*